maclean
Registered User
- Jan 4, 2014
- 8,517
- 2,615
That's a big yikes from me!
He is not totally wrong in his thinking, there really is only so much a parent can do. I used to tell people that parenting ends at 11. If you haven't setup the foundation by that age, you may very well be screwed, or there may be a lot of missteps that can get very messy, and very aggravating.
Why 11? Around that age, you can basically let them out of your sight a little bit. For instance, in the middle of the day, they can go to the neighborhood park that is a few hundred meters away. Parks are the breeding grounds, or the testing grounds, to see what kind of brain you have helped develop with your kid. I have seen it first hand with my son, and my youngest. They were mortified by choices their friends made at that age. The swearing, profanity, bullying, doing dangerous things, being peer pressured to go to a further park, etc...and they all passed those tests!
Then, it only gets more liberating. Sleepovers. Play dates. Meeting Mary and Jenna at the park, be back for dinner. Just going to the Quickie to hang out. Etc...if the foundation is strong, the rest of the structure will be too!
My son who is 18, I have been telling him the last year, that there really isn't much left in the "getting in trouble" with your parents going on much. Getting grounded is a very rare occurrence at that age. You get yourself in trouble, and there ain't no band aids that will fit over those boo boos. He knows how expensive his car insurance is, the consequences to choices he makes. I have harped on him to use me, use my experience, use my wisdom, and then make your own choice. Try to not go it alone. We are basically life coaches and advisors now!
Agreed. My boys are 11 and 14 now and I can finally just sit back and enjoy the ride.........
Actually just went through the somewhat stressful process of the older son applying for high school. They can apply to two schools and have to do a standardised entrance exam and it was a bit of a headache trying to get him to decide where he wanted to go so we got involved in the process, looked at schools, went to an open house, settled on the two schools and then suddenly a few days before the applications go in he suddenly wants to change the schools to go to one a couple of friends are applying to, he didn't even know the name of it let alone anything about it... Long story short had a long discussion with him about it but at the end of the day he's a hard-headed kid and it's his future.