Saying goodbye to Fugu - Update: Obituary in OP

[Hank Chinaski]

@Guerzy tagged me in this thread. I saw the title, and my heart sank to my stomach. I had known for about 4 years that Barb had been sick. I had followed up with her a few times, just to check in and see how she was doing. As I've been mostly away from the site for the last year or so and out of mod duties, I had lost touch with her and how she was doing. It crossed my mind a few times to check up on her with a quick PM, see how she was doing. Selfishly, I thought "nah, too awkward, not a subject I want to bring up in case the news isn't good". That will bother me for a long time.

Barb had been something of a confidant for me since 2011, when I first joined the mod ranks. For countless others, as I've seen already (@ThirdManIn I can see has already shared some stories ). She was the one who vouched for me as a light blue mod on the Jets board, then as a global mod, then finally as a dark blue admin. I always think of her as a bit of a kindred spirit - we followed very similar study paths in university, took most of the same courses albeit separated by 20-30 years, and always seemed to share very similar outlooks on life in general. She was also a huge champion of the NHL's return to Winnipeg, and I remember how protective she was of the "Jetties" (those who were on the BoH from 2007-11 will get the reference). To the people of HF, I want you to know how generously and endlessly she gave her time and her deep wisdom to this site. It certainly isn't an easy job as one of the head honchos of this site, but she ALWAYS came across to me as rational, calm, and in control. A model leader, in other words.

I've never personally met Barb, but one thing I can say without reservation is that her love for her family shone through in every communication I had with her, whether it was on the mod board or in private messages. Extremely proud of her children, who all sound like they have gone on to become extremely accomplished adults. Always shared a funny quip from 'Mr. Fugu', who sounded like he was a wonderful and caring father and husband. I know she described herself as a somewhat introverted person - seemed hard to believe, as she was always on the go meeting with new business associates and clients - but on HF, she was an endless builder of relationships and an always present ear for everyone.

Rest in peace, Barb. I hope you know how many people you touched in your lifetime, even those you never met.

 

[Kupo]

Donate.

Not just for Fugu. For our moms. Sisters. Family and Friends.

Cancer has claimed the lives of millions, and will continue on its treacherous path. It’s only going to get worse.

1/8 woman will get breast cancer. 1/8.

Whether it’s $1 or $100. This isn’t GoFundMe crap. These donations are real.

It’s been 16 years since cancer took my mothers life. Although the pain lessons, it never, ever goes away. The tears will never stop flowing.

May you find the sweetest peace, Fugu. Rest well.

 

[Wings4Life]

Fugu is an amazing person. She had the ability to find common ground with just about anyone. A fellow mod once told me something along the lines of "She has such an amazing ability to relate to people - she could end wars and decades old struggles with her ability to find common ground with others". It is the absolute truth. She will be missed in such a big way.

This was my experience with her as well. Just a terrific poster who had incredible knowledge of the game and a terrific personality. She touched a lot of members on here, myself included. RIP Barbara.

 

[Chairman Maouth]

Donate.

Not just for Fugu. For our moms. Sisters. Family and Friends.

Cancer has claimed the lives of millions, and will continue on its treacherous path. It’s only going to get worse.

1/8 woman will get breast cancer. 1/8.

Whether it’s $1 or $100. This isn’t GoFundMe crap. These donations are real.

It’s been 16 years since cancer took my mothers life. Although the pain lessons, it never, ever goes away. The tears will never stop flowing.

May you find the sweetest peace, Fugu. Rest well.

This may be the most important post in this thread.

 

[ThirdManIn]

TMI, you and I have been through a lot here together. I'm still crying half the day and finding it difficult to put my emotions into words. I haven't been able to do that yet. It's just all still too overwhelming. But your stories are kick starting the healing process for me. Thanks.

No problem, buddy. I'm trying to think of more. I know I've got some.

 

[Live in the Now]

I will repost what I posted in private as there are some people I would like to share this with.

If there was one thing I learned from my thousands of conversations with her, it was that she cared about this place and us way more than we deserved.

When made an admin in the first place, the reason I wanted to do it was because she thought I was good enough to do it. There's really nothing else to it, it wasn't out of my own personal feelings, and sometimes I felt like I had imposter syndrome. This was alleviated by the things said in the conversations we had. I enjoyed our conversations a lot over the years, it felt like we had the freedom to talk about anything with each other. When I started having my own health problems I said stuff to her that I didn't even want to tell my parents. I can barely make it through these lines so I'm going to keep it brief. I had envisioned that when this happened, or when this was going to happen, that she would be able to read this.

When she retired and left me as the supervising admin, I don't know what everyone else thought, but I did not want it that way. I just didn't and even though she talked with my very regularly in that month or so prior to her return, it felt like there was a part of this place missing. Now that's always going to be missing and I don't know how to put it into words. Saying it's devastating is the most appropriate word, but there aren't real words for these situations. That's what happens when the good ones leave us. There were a lot of things I wanted to say to her but I can hardly share these ones without breaking down so I'll stop.

Through those years, I came to know what she thought of some of you. The shortest way to phrase things is, in those conversations, I came to learn that she liked all of you a lot. Even the problem causing posters, if she knew you and even if she disagreed with you, she liked you and thought fondly of you. No exceptions. That sounds like something a person would say that isn't true, except in this case it is. That's a large reason why this is so upsetting.

 

[MessierII]

That’s tough Fugu was a great mod. Helped me on multiple occasions. Thoughts go out to her family.

 

[Jet]

There are tears right now. Fugu helped me to be a far better mod than I was when I started. She always coached with respect and was very kind. I had quite a bit of interaction with her in the early Jets days, and she always seemed to have a soft spot for our sub.

I lost my mother to cancer a couple of years ago - I feel like I just lost my HF mom.

 

[ThirdManIn]

I will repost what I posted in private as there are some people I would like to share this with.

If there was one thing I learned from my thousands of conversations with her, it was that she cared about this place and us way more than we deserved.

When made an admin in the first place, the reason I wanted to do it was because she thought I was good enough to do it. There's really nothing else to it, it wasn't out of my own personal feelings, and sometimes I felt like I had imposter syndrome. This was alleviated by the things said in the conversations we had. I enjoyed our conversations a lot over the years, it felt like we had the freedom to talk about anything with each other. When I started having my own health problems I said stuff to her that I didn't even want to tell my parents. I can barely make it through these lines so I'm going to keep it brief. I had envisioned that when this happened, or when this was going to happen, that she would be able to read this.

When she retired and left me as the supervising admin, I don't know what everyone else thought, but I did not want it that way. I just didn't and even though she talked with my very regularly in that month or so prior to her return, it felt like there was a part of this place missing. Now that's always going to be missing and I don't know how to put it into words. Saying it's devastating is the most appropriate word, but there aren't real words for these situations. That's what happens when the good ones leave us. There were a lot of things I wanted to say to her but I can hardly share these ones without breaking down so I'll stop.

Through those years, I came to know what she thought of some of you. The shortest way to phrase things is, in those conversations, I came to learn that she liked all of you a lot. Even the problem causing posters, if she knew you and even if she disagreed with you, she liked you and thought fondly of you. No exceptions. That sounds like something a person would say that isn't true, except in this case it is. That's a large reason why this is so upsetting.

Oh I vividly remember disagreeing with her multiple times about posters (I'm not as friendly lol). Rarely did anyone convince her otherwise if she saw good in a poster, which was almost always.

 

[The Stig]

Goodbye fish mom

Ill never forget when I got the mod board shut down for an hour for posting some seriously goofy, over the top shit in the mod lounge. She just shook her head and laughed at me. She was an amazing, incredible, wonderful person. Ill miss her and remember her forever.

 

[nnynetpotato]

I always enjoyed seeing her posts,but as way more of a lurker than regular poster,never quite realized how much of the infrastructure of HFBoards she was.

I wish I'd known more about her.Sounds like I missed one of the good ones.

Grant her eternal rest,and may perpetual light shine upon her.

 

[HisIceness]

I interacted with her a few times and she seemed like a very knowledgeable person. I'm sorry to hear of her passing

 

[MaskedSonja]

Devastated. Rest in peace. Oh man this hurts. Welcomed me in boh boards.lots of convos. I'm at a loss. Wow my thoughts to her family. I am truly saddened. I just read this now. I'm just numb. Goodbye dear friend. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[Killion]

Devastated. Rest in peace. Oh man this hurts. Welcomed me in boh boards.lots of convos. I'm at a loss. Wow my thoughts to her family. I am truly saddened. I just read this now. I'm just numb. Goodbye dear friend. Thank you for your kindness.

I know Tl. Chin up. We mourn, all of us in our own way.....
keep on keepin on Buddy. Its what she'd want, demand.

 

[The Stig]

I know Tl. Chin up. We mourn, all of us in our own way.....
keep on keepin on Buddy. Its what she'd want, demand.

She would want me to crack one open in her honor

 

[ottawa]

All of these comments are awesome/touching, wish I knew her better. Hope this thread has been shared with her family, I'm sure they'd be proud.

 

[Viqsi]

Thanks, it’s been nice seeing all the names I know and reading peoples stories.

I know she would be happy knowing she touched so many lives.

I wish I had better stories. My notable ones mostly involve my being in retrospect really surprised at her restraint after my doing the internet equivalent of screaming in her face after she privately reached out to me because she wasn't about to infract anyone and everyone on BoH who ever dared suggested the Jackets (or any of the southern teams, for that matter) might relocate.

 

[Dotter]

I've always assumed she was a Wings fan because she was on the board over there frequently. I remember her and I were disappointed when a young (dman) Brendan Smith was proving he was not reaching his potential because we had high hopes. She also gave me a few warnings without zapping me with infractions. She was always firm but fair. She was an asset to the boards.

 

[Roboturner913]

So sorry to hear this. I won't sit here and wax poetic about her because frankly, I didn't know her at all.

But I've lost too many people to cancer over the last few years, including one just a few weeks ago. So I know what her family and friends have had to go through, and I would only say to people, get yourself checked out, encourage those around you to do the same, donate to cancer research anytime you can and live as best you can every day.

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter"

 

[Brodie]

I've said my piece on the BoH board but I've also donated and I'm just so sad

 

[Classic Devil]

Oh, God. This hurts.

 

[TMLeafer]

Rest in peace Fugu.

 

[Ducks DVM]

Sorry to hear, my condolences to the family.

 

[UsernameWasTaken]

I just saw this post now. I was really upset to read it. I hadn't realized about her own personal circumstances.

I did not know her personally - only through HF, but we exchanged messages on a bunch of stuff outside the main realm of the site - she was always so kind, funny, and personable.

My heart is with her family and all they must be going through.

 

[Holden Caulfield]

I hadn't heard about his until now. I was a mod here for a long time and Fugu was a great support. She was always generous with her time, always trying to look out for others. She was a great mediator, always trying to bring logic into it and making sure that everyone knew that you had accept someone else's opinion while supporting you own. She was a great supporter of free speech so long as you knew what you were talking about. I had some really dark times here and she was always the first to jump to try to help, she did everything she could to help. She was constantly checking on people, trying to help at all times I don't know that I've talked a person more caring. And still she maintained her positions based on logic and facts without being mean, superior, or abrasive. She knew what she was talking about and defended it.

At least in this one poster she will be greatly missed. She was an anchor for me when I was lost at sea and I will never forget that. My thoughts and condolences go out to her family and friends who lost a great person.