Penguins Off-Season Thread: You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hurl

[T1K]

Malkin has always had thin legs and a dump truck ass. I hope he never sees this post.

If Geno drops an onlyfans, you will be to blame.

 

[Deport Ogie]

If Geno drops an onlyfans, you will be to blame.

You see a place to assign blame, I see a secondary source of income that lowers that next contract ask!

 

[dogthateats]

 

[HandshakeLine]

You see a place to assign blame, I see a secondary source of income that lowers that next contract ask!

"Russian DILF twerk video! One legged!"

 

[rt]

Hey Pens fans! I’ve got one heckuva whopper for you It’s exactly the kind of big ugly proposal that gets outside fans absolutely torched on sub-forums. Haha. So I expect and welcome the flaming. It’s well-deserved for coming in hot like this. So all the preamble aside:

To PIT:
OEL
Kuemper (50% retained)
—Total: 10.5aav

To ARI:
Pettersson
Jarry
‘21 2nd rounder
—Total: 7.5aav

^ once you’re done ripping me limb from limb, if your find your rage isn’t satisfied, you can turn on @Toby Flenderson - trust me…he deserves it.

 

[DesertedPenguin]

Hey Pens fans! I’ve got one heckuva whopper for you It’s exactly the kind of big ugly proposal that gets outside fans absolutely torched on sub-forums. Haha. So I expect and welcome the flaming. It’s well-deserved for coming in hot like this. So all the preamble aside:

To PIT:
OEL
Kuemper (50% retained)
—Total: 10.5aav

To ARI:
Pettersson
Jarry
‘21 2nd rounder
—Total: 7.5aav

^ once you’re done ripping me limb from limb, if your find your rage isn’t satisfied, you can turn on @Toby Flenderson - trust me…he deserves it.

Penguins can't take on that excess cap and cannot give up the draft pick.

Remove OEL and the 2nd rounder and add Dvorak.

To PIT
Dvorak
Kuemper (50% retained)

To ARI
Pettersson
Jarry

 

[rt]

Penguins can't take on that excess cap and cannot give up the draft pick.

Remove OEL and the 2nd rounder and add Dvorak.

To PIT
Dvorak
Kuemper (50% retained)

To ARI
Pettersson
Jarry

I’d need a top 10 draft pick for Dvorak.

 

[Big Friggin Dummy]

I wanna get rid of Petts and Jarry real bad, but not enough to take OEL with no salary retained and Kuemper, while also giving up a 2nd rounder.

I'm sure we can find other ways to dump our trash without paying to take someone else's bedazzled trash.

 

[DesertedPenguin]

I’d need a top 10 draft pick for Dvorak.

Then we are not the trade partner you're looking for.

 

[Toby Flenderson]

Hey Pens fans! I’ve got one heckuva whopper for you It’s exactly the kind of big ugly proposal that gets outside fans absolutely torched on sub-forums. Haha. So I expect and welcome the flaming. It’s well-deserved for coming in hot like this. So all the preamble aside:

To PIT:
OEL
Kuemper (50% retained)
—Total: 10.5aav

To ARI:
Pettersson
Jarry
‘21 2nd rounder
—Total: 7.5aav

^ once you’re done ripping me limb from limb, if your find your rage isn’t satisfied, you can turn on @Toby Flenderson - trust me…he deserves it.

I would do this

 

[rt]

I would do this

Everyone get him!!!

 

[rt]

Is Kuemper any good?
Kuemper is 3rd in GAA and 3rd in SV% over the last 3 NHL seasons among all NHL goalies with over 50 games played. Remember, The Coyotes SUCK at hockey. They’re 9th in GA/GP as a team in that same span. So how bad were they in that category when he didn’t play? Pretty bad.

But isn’t he hurt a lot?
He’s tied for 20th in GP among all NHL goalies over the last 3 seasons. He’s played less than 3GP fewer per season than the guy who’s ranked 13th in the same span.

 

[DesertedPenguin]

I would do this

Why? The Penguins add another expensive left-handed, left side defenseman - this one with a contract that lasts until 2026-27, when OEL is 36.

Kuemper is nice, but OEL doesn't address a single item on the Penguins' list of needs. Plus, he makes it more challenging to address those items AND he blocks POJ from getting a shot at the NHL.

 

[BlindWillyMcHurt]

I like Kuemper. OEL is pretty toasty at this point.

Ya'll can HAVE Jarry and MP though if you want.

 

[Gurglesons]

Hey Pens fans! I’ve got one heckuva whopper for you It’s exactly the kind of big ugly proposal that gets outside fans absolutely torched on sub-forums. Haha. So I expect and welcome the flaming. It’s well-deserved for coming in hot like this. So all the preamble aside:

To PIT:
OEL
Kuemper (50% retained)
—Total: 10.5aav

To ARI:
Pettersson
Jarry
‘21 2nd rounder
—Total: 7.5aav

^ once you’re done ripping me limb from limb, if your find your rage isn’t satisfied, you can turn on @Toby Flenderson - trust me…he deserves it.

We can't do OEL sadly. LD would be a total mess next year.

 

[Big Friggin Dummy]

I like Kuemper. OEL is pretty toasty at this point.

Ya'll can HAVE Jarry and MP though if you want.

Kuemper's fine. OEL is cooked and costs a billion dollars until the heat death of the universe. We gotta pay a 2nd for no retained salary on that? Kick rocks.

 

[rt]

Kuemper's fine. OEL is cooked and costs a billion dollars until the heat death of the universe. We gotta pay a 2nd for no retained salary on that? Kick rocks.

Kuemper at 50% is worth a 1st rounder. I downgraded it on account of OEL.

 

[Big Friggin Dummy]

Kuemper at 50% is worth a 1st rounder. I downgraded it on account of OEL.

Okay, go get that 1st rounder, bud!

 

[rt]

Okay, go get that 1st rounder, bud!

Nah nah nah. You guys seem like good guys. So I’m gonna give you the good guy discount. Okay? Okay. We can just drop the picks from the proposal altogether and then you’re happy. Me? Not so happy. But what am I gonna do? I need my new friends, from the steel city to be happy, am I right? Okay!

 

[Big Friggin Dummy]

Nah nah nah. You guys seem like good guys. So I’m gonna give you the good guy discount. Okay? Okay. We can just drop the picks from the proposal altogether and they you’re happy. Me? Not so happy. But what am I gonna do? I need my new friends, from the steel city to be happy, am I right? Okay!

I just don't want OEL. I want to dump Jarry and Petts, trust me, but I don't want to take that dogshit contract attached to a lukewarm player in return--even if it means getting a solid goalie like Kuemper.

I just don't think the Penguins and Yotes are trade partners. Especially in anything relating to OEL.

 

[Gurglesons]

Nah nah nah. You guys seem like good guys. So I’m gonna give you the good guy discount. Okay? Okay. We can just drop the picks from the proposal altogether and then you’re happy. Me? Not so happy. But what am I gonna do? I need my new friends, from the steel city to be happy, am I right? Okay!

There are some good vegan spots in Phoenix so we good.

 

[metalan2]

Hey Pens fans! I’ve got one heckuva whopper for you It’s exactly the kind of big ugly proposal that gets outside fans absolutely torched on sub-forums. Haha. So I expect and welcome the flaming. It’s well-deserved for coming in hot like this. So all the preamble aside:

To PIT:
OEL
Kuemper (50% retained)
—Total: 10.5aav

To ARI:
Pettersson
Jarry
‘21 2nd rounder
—Total: 7.5aav

^ once you’re done ripping me limb from limb, if your find your rage isn’t satisfied, you can turn on @Toby Flenderson - trust me…he deserves it.

I'll take it.

 

[rt]

There are some good vegan spots in Phoenix so we good.

But do they put all the bbq side dishes directly on the sandwich for you? I thought you guys in Pittsburgh like the Coleslaw and fries and stuff right on the sandwich itself.

 

[mpp9]

Sure, why not. I’ve seen us use cap space in far worse ways.

 

[Gurglesons]

But do they put all the bbq side dishes directly on the sandwich for you? I thought you guys in Pittsburgh like the Coleslaw and fries and stuff right on the sandwich itself.

yeah but I’m not a fat ass like all These guys.