NFL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot - Discussion / Draft Thread - ISOLATED PHASE! Part One!

[Captain Dave Poulin]

I don't like coaches, generally speaking. I don't like authority. I don't like watching people yell at other people. I think most of them are completely full of shit, ESPECIALLY in meatheadball. But I have to pick somebody. I can't fully explain this without explaining why I didn't pick someone else, and I'll do that at the end of the draft if I remember. Three things I really respect about him, in addition to all the winning:

• He understood the draft better than anyone (to that point). They still use his draft value chart when discussing trading picks. The Herschel Walker trade is justly lauded for the highway robbery that it ended up being, but it took a lot of balls to try something like that, too.
• His teams were generally equally impressive on both offense and defense. I'd say a lot of that was down to the hiring of good assistants, but still. I want to have balance.
• He was a masterful, modern communicator. That's what I want more than anything in a coach. I'm desperate for it with the Flyers, or was before I gave in to apathy.

Lately I have been thinking too much about what could have been had he been able to get along with Jerruh - if he had just been able to croon "Turn around, wide eyes - every now and then I fall apart, and I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever ..." It would have been more than three titles, that's an absolute lock, and that would have created more of a buffer against the f***ing evil empire and the Niners in total championships. Instead, I have had 25 years of pure embarrassment.

Coach - Jimmy Johnson

@CanadianFlyer88

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

I, too, don't think highly of coaches, which is why I am drafting my coach at this point before only kickers. I, too, will select a man who had much of his success in the city of Miami.

I preface this selection by saying that I absolutely despise everything about the 1972 Dolphins and their ongoing practice of cracking a bottle of champagne when the last undefeated team loses each season. They even had me cheering for the f***ing Patriots for the only time hoping that they would shut the Dolphins up. Of course the Patriots went ahead and f***ed that up, too. Assholes.

But this coach had a great reputation amongst his players, his teams were always super disciplined, he only had two losing seasons in a 33 year coaching career, and, despite my hatred towards those 72 Dolphins, he is the only NFL coach to know what it's like to coach a perfect season.

Our sideline boss, Coach Don Shula.

@JojoTheWhale, don't steal my punter, please.

 

[Lord Defect]

RIP to this legend of a man known as the Tasmanian Devil. 12x Pro Bowler, 7x 1st Team All-Pro, a well deserved Hall of Fame induction, and as complete of a linebacker as you could dream of during his extended peak. His suicide was tragic but helped bring the discussion of CTE to the forefront. He was the definition of a warrior.

D FLEX - Junior Seau

@Beef Invictus

I could not remember his name. Solid pick.

 

[JojoTheWhale]

I promise I will not take a Punter. Until the next round.

But now it’s time for my favorite pick of the draft. There have been some truly excellent traditional RBs taken and others still left available, but we’re taking a different approach to the position. Frankly, we’re throwing the ball more than anyone else. But running the ball isn’t an excuse to fail to shoot for big plays. So the question instead became, “Who’s the most dangerous player with the ball in their hands and how can we justify putting him at RB?” Luckily, the answer was a Swiss Army knife offensive piece who did play some RB in the SEC — none other than WR/RB Percy Harvin.



@ajgoal Once more unto the breach. Ok, twice. You know what I mean.

 

[ajgoal]

We'll choose the Secretary of Defense as one of our Defensive FLEX players.

Defensive FLEX: Deacon Jones

 

[ajgoal]

Active guy for place kicker:

PK: Stephen Gostkowski

@JojoTheWhale

 

[JojoTheWhale]

Punting is for quitters. We won't be doing that.

Pro and College HOF QB/Punter Sid Luckman

We have 3 QBs, 7 Receivers, and 0.5 RBs. You may not like it, but this is peak offense.

@CanadianFlyer88 Are you Punting like a coward?

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

No, I am not, which is why I asked you to kindly not choose my punter. You did not, to my detriment, because you knew of a better option than I had.

Our punter will be QB/P Danny White. Primarily a QB in college, he also was a punter and was chosen in the 3rd round by the Cowboys during the Staubach era to be the team's punter. He, instead, chose to play in the World Football League.

With the folding of the WFL in 1976, he signed with the Cowboys where he was the team's punter until 1979 when he took the QB reins from Staubach.

Named an All Pro as a QB in 1982, he had a moderately successful career as a QB, but was never able to escape Staubach's shadow and was never able to lead the Cowboys to a Super Bowl appearance.

We may punt, but we may not. With White catching the ball, you'll never know until it's too late.

@Captain Dave Poulin, back to you.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

You're lucky I took Ray Guy, because that was my childhood punter. I have been saying since 1980: "Danny White? He's a punter. Period."

I'm actually going same team, same era. My third favorite all-time football player. Greatest mustache. The Co-MVP of Super Bowl XII, he played in two more (both of which were tragedies, the second of which was because of Jackie F***ing Smith, the piece of shit) and six NFC title tilts. He was All-Pro nine times and a Pro-Bowler nine times. Missed only one game in 14 years. Won the Outland Trophy and the Lombardi Award at Maryland.

FLEX - Randy White

@Beef Invictus

 

[Beef Invictus]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

 

[DancingPanther]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

THIS IS HUGE

CONGRATULATIONS HOUSE INVICTUS

 

[CanadianFlyer88]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

Congrats! We closed in December on our new house. Prices have gone up so much since then, in just a few months, that there's no way we could afford it if it was on the market now. The housing market in every notable metro area in North America is absolutely bonkers.

 

[mja]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

When I went to closing on our 2nd house, I literally was so stressed about it that my vision became blurred. We were the only people to even see the house and paid asking. Signing papers was a bitch. That was over 15 years ago now and we sold it about 7 years ago and did pretty well out of it.

 

[ajgoal]

I've been passively considering selling out of ours, taking the profits, and moving somewhere quieter with cheaper housing. The flip side is that requires finding new jobs and quieter equals fewer positions related to our fields.

 

[JojoTheWhale]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

Congrats! Where do I send the de-stress liquor? Just write @Beef Invictus in sharpie, slap some stamps on it, and let Jesus take the wheel?

Congrats! We closed in December on our new house. Prices have gone up so much since then, in just a few months, that there's no way we could afford it if it was on the market now. The housing market in every notable metro area in North America is absolutely bonkers.

I thought we were done moving. This has lead to weekly discussions where she sends me houses, asks me what I think, and I start rants that make absolutely no sense but change the subject. I’m hanging off a cliff with two fingers. Buying just seems impossibly competitive.

 

[Lord Defect]

We just had our offer on the house accepted and it's a big overpay. But we will be in this house until we die, so brute force inflation will eventually cover us.

We can afford it. But nonetheless I'm struggling to not die of stress. I'll pick when I can think.

I’m lost here. You sent an offer on a house well overvalue and plan to die in it or someone gave you an offer on the house over value and you don’t want to sell?

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

I’m lost here. You sent an offer on a house well overvalue and plan to die in it or someone gave you an offer on the house over value and you don’t want to sell?

Good luck, Beef.

 

[Lord Defect]

When I went to closing on our 2nd house, I literally was so stressed about it that my vision became blurred. We were the only people to even see the house and paid asking. Signing papers was a bitch. That was over 15 years ago now and we sold it about 7 years ago and did pretty well out of it.

Stress is crazy. It can do all sorts of weird shit.
My eyes been twitching lately, for no reason that I can think of, but if I remember right an eye twitch is “generally” stress related.
I cannot think of a reason to be stressed, and I’m always the last person to worry about anything(that’s out of my direct control aka planes and such).
I probably have a little piece of dust under my eyelid that’s aggravating it or something stupid.

 

[Lord Defect]

Good luck, Beef.

I swear you have a bot set up to notify you when I post. You’re my biggest fan.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

I swear you have a boy set up to notify you when I post. You’re my biggest fan.

Yep. I call them "notifications." I don't want you to get stressed, though, so don't worry about it.

 

[Lord Defect]

Yep. I call them "notifications." I don't want you to get stressed, though, so don't worry about it.

I didn’t @ you or tag you so you shouldn’t be notified. Creep.

 

[Lord Defect]

If you were like 120 years younger, we’d probably get along well enough to have a beer together.
What was it like before electricity?

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

I didn’t @ you or tag you so you shouldn’t be notified. Creep.

That's a good point, actually. Looks like once again I am the idiot.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

If you were like 120 years younger, we’d probably get along well enough to have a beer together.
What was it like before electricity?

Dark.

 

[Lord Defect]

Dark.