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OT: Humor thread

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ryerockarola

ryerockarola

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Nov 20, 2011
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A man left work one Friday afternoon. But being payday, instead of going home he partied with the boys and stayed out all weekend, spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
 
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Eyeseeing

Eyeseeing

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Feb 24, 2015
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The World Health Organization, or WHO, had feared the dogs could spread Coronavirus and ordered all dogs that were exposed to the virus be held in quarantine. After review, the WHO announced that dogs cannot contract Coronavirus. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear: WHO let the dogs out.
 
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BatVader

"nothing is true; everything is permitted"
May 16, 2015
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Eyeseeing said:
The World Health Organization, or WHO, had feared the dogs could spread Coronavirus and ordered all dogs that were exposed to the virus be held in quarantine. After review, the WHO announced that dogs cannot contract Coronavirus. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear: WHO let the dogs out.
Click to expand...
3F3CBA61-A1A0-4183-A7EF-DF7CBF267131.gif
 
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ryerockarola

ryerockarola

Registered User
Nov 20, 2011
6,000
7,586
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana when he sees a sign in front of a broken down house ‘Talking Dog For Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.
“You talk?” he says.
“Yep” the dog replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says “So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well. I discovered I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”
“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars.” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.”
 
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