Ok now i have to clean up the coffee i just spit out for laughing. 
OT: Humor thread
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Ok now i have to clean up the coffee i just spit out for laughing.
LMAO...”Ah, you soiled yourself”....
ryerockarola
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- Nov 20, 2011
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An Irish love story:
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, the aroma of his favourite scones comes wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon……
F*** off” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, the aroma of his favourite scones comes wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon……
F*** off” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”
This is too funny, i've already posted it before but i need a giggle.
Love the part at the end with mom tying into the guy.
ryerockarola
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- Nov 20, 2011
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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
Kenny replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Kenny said, “OK then, at least give me the donkey.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
Kenny, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
Farmer, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
Kenny, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he is dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”
Kenny, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at 2 dollars a piece and made a profit of $900.”
Farmer, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Kenny, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his 2 dollars back.”
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
Kenny replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Kenny said, “OK then, at least give me the donkey.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
Kenny, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
Farmer, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
Kenny, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he is dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”
Kenny, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at 2 dollars a piece and made a profit of $900.”
Farmer, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Kenny, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his 2 dollars back.”
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
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The Pelicans are my new favorite team.
I love the guy skating and hitting the Zamboni and the coach saying that's shit , hit harder .
I loved this show. Thank goodness for You Tube.
This is painfully accurate (could be too saucy for this site in hindsight, sorry about that). Booze cruise after-party cabins in a nutshell in a Helsinki-Tallinn (Estonia) ferry.
Atoyot
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