OT: The Thread About Nothing

[newjerseydamo]

Bleed red:
Keep your head up. I know what it's like with my past relationship issues and I too can jump at ghosts.
But in all honesty (without knowing the mean stuff you said after), it sounds like what you were raising were valid points.
Honestly, if I have someone hanging out with me and all they're doing is playing on the phone, I'd be pissed too. If you're meant to be in to one another, I'd also be raising the question, especially early on in the relationship.
It almost seems like she was looking for a fight to get out of the whole situation.
Between the kid and staying with the ex, I'd be running for the hills. The ex being so close to home is enough with the extreme complications.

Give yourself some credit for giving it a try, use it as a learning experience, and move on slowly but surely.

We all get mad and frustrated, and sure, people can say some stupid shit when they are, but after a few months, I'd also expect enough of a connection to talk and work through it. If she doesn't want to do that, then I'd be going back to my initial suspicion of her wanting a way out.
So take it and move on, and best of luck on the next try.

You always come across as a fair and intelligent person in your posts, so yeah, keep positive and everyone is here to support you.
If you were in Australia, I'd take you out for a beer and hang out as mates would do.

 

[TheUnseenHand]

I despise Access. I should probably become better at it though. May become useful at some point in my career to know it.

I didn't know it at all until this year. My company is pretty young and was managing too many things on paper still. I basically taught myself Access to build a few databases to manage day to day data collection in a way that is useful for me to analyze. It's pretty nifty.

 

[Davegarri]

I didn't know it at all until this year. My company is pretty young and was managing too many things on paper still. I basically taught myself Access to build a few databases to manage day to day data collection in a way that is useful for me to analyze. It's pretty nifty.

I've seen people build some cool stuff, but I just haven't had much success with it

 

[BenedictGomez]

I despise Access. I should probably become better at it though. May become useful at some point in my career to know it.

I know very little about Access. I gave it a try once and found it very user-unfriendly.

But some "data elite" people swear it's better then Excel, I dont know if that's true or if it's just akin to a snobby Linux thing, where there are those people that always have to be "different" to think they're cooler than everyone else. One question I have about that is, If Access is so much better than Excel, then why does virtually nobody use Access compared to Excel.

 

[BenedictGomez]

So remember a few weeks back I posted how Elon Musk was acting really bizarre the last few months?

Well, apparently the other day he lashed out on TWTR at one of the British cave diver rescuers and called him a pedophile with literally no evidence.

It might be a good time to buy some puts in TSLA. A huge part of that stock's valuation is built on cult-of-personality. I think it would suffer a big drop were Musk removed as CEO.


Elon Musk Calls Diver in Thai Rescue a Pedophile

 

[None Shall Pass]

I know very little about Access. I gave it a try once and found it very user-unfriendly.

But some "data elite" people swear it's better then Excel, I dont know if that's true or if it's just akin to a snobby Linux thing, where there are those people that always have to be "different" to think they're cooler than everyone else. One question I have about that is, If Access is so much better than Excel, then why does virtually nobody use Access compared to Excel.

Access is for building databases. It's MUCH better for that than Excel is. You can do some databasing in Excel, just not to the level that you can in Access.

 

[New Jersey]

totally stoked for everyone about to forget how to drive in these thunderstorms on my evening commute

 

[New Jersey]

I know very little about Access. I gave it a try once and found it very user-unfriendly.

But some "data elite" people swear it's better then Excel, I dont know if that's true or if it's just akin to a snobby Linux thing, where there are those people that always have to be "different" to think they're cooler than everyone else. One question I have about that is, If Access is so much better than Excel, then why does virtually nobody use Access compared to Excel.

like 80% of my job [currently] is building front-ends with Microsoft Access which communicate with various SQL Server databases

I have already dealt with migrating massive Excel spreadsheets into tables which can be searched quickly and efficiently via search terms in said front-ends.

I despise Access. I should probably become better at it though. May become useful at some point in my career to know it.

it's worth the pain in the ass. trust.

I agree with BG in its initial user-unfriendliness, but once you learn the ropes it is a really powerful tool. (took me like two months of using it every single business day to be able to say "OK, I'm proficient now.")

 

[Billdo]

totally stoked for everyone about to forget how to drive in these thunderstorms on my evening commute

Never ceases to amaze me how it rains and people automatically forget how to drive

 

[New Jersey]

ideally the worst cells will blow through before i get out of here at 4:15 and it'll just be a steady rain and not an actual thunderstorm during my drive

what i mostly concern myself with are the inevitable mini-floods that'll be everywhere. especially along tonnele and the escapes to the turnpike from route 3/495.

 

[sabremike]

Alert: the Live Nation/TM voucher thing is back. Plenty of shows at PNC Bank Arts Center available, I got Weezer, Smashing Pumpkins and 311/Offspring.

 

[Scorcho]

Alert: the Live Nation/TM voucher thing is back. Plenty of shows at PNC Bank Arts Center available, I got Weezer, Smashing Pumpkins and 311/Offspring.

of course the two best shows are this week and i cant make it

 

[NjDevsRR]

Never ceases to amaze me how it rains and people automatically forget how to drive

People cannot drive in dry weather to begin with

 

[Billdo]

People cannot drive in dry weather to begin with

Well yeah.

 

[OmNomNom]

@Bleedred can we get more insight into her personality? would you say she's much of an empathizer? it really seems that you are, but i mean being honest here (and this won't go anywhere, since we don't know her), does she really tend to think of you and your feelings? i assume eventually you should have a discussion about all this with her, but if she can't come down to earth and have a discussion with you then either:

1.) she isn't interested anymore, which means it's time for you to move on and find someone better suited for you

2.) the argument points to other problems, and maybe the relationship could take a step back

either way, things should be worked out, but i don't think you made any missteps. i think you must be a very sweet guy for thinking this critically about it and beating yourself up, but at some point, you deserve to be happy as well

 

[Bleedred]

@Bleedred can we get more insight into her personality? would you say she's much of an empathizer? it really seems that you are, but i mean being honest here (and this won't go anywhere, since we don't know her), does she really tend to think of you and your feelings? i assume eventually you should have a discussion about all this with her, but if she can't come down to earth and have a discussion with you then either:

1.) she isn't interested anymore, which means it's time for you to move on and find someone better suited for you

2.) the argument points to other problems, and maybe the relationship could take a step back

either way, things should be worked out, but i don't think you made any missteps. i think you must be a very sweet guy for thinking this critically about it and beating yourself up, but at some point, you deserve to be happy as well

She usually does think of me and my feelings, but I obviously hurt hers pretty badly.

I think we can stick a fork in this one. Obviously, there’s a chance for anything in life, but I really think there’s a better chance that the Devils play a regular season hockey game this week than her calling me, unless she calls me to bitch at me some more or blame me for something just to blame me. I think we’ll talk again eventually, but I don’t see it being for the rest of this month. Things are really bad right now between the two of us. I think she really hates me. She was more mad the last I talked to her than she was 5 minutes after this happened. She might be wanting me to vanish from the earth by a week from now.

 

[OmNomNom]

She usually does think of me and my feelings, but I obviously hurt hers pretty badly.

I think we can stick a fork in this one. Obviously, there’s a chance for anything in life, but I really think there’s a better chance that the Devils play a regular season hockey game this week than her calling me, unless she calls me to ***** at me some more or blame me for something just to blame me. I think we’ll talk again eventually, but I don’t see it being for the rest of this month. Things are really bad right now between the two of us. I think she really hates me. She was more mad the last I talked to her than she was 5 minutes after this happened. She might be wanting me to vanish from the earth by a week from now.

the way i see it is, if she really cared about you and was thinking about your feelings, then she'd have had a discussion with you.

you're pretty spot on with letting it be, but at 4-5 months in, communication is pretty damn important, if that isn't a foundation that's already being set, then it doesn't matter how hard you work - things aren't going to progress. it's kind of like that old biblical analogy of building on sand.

don't worry - your character seems to be pretty good here. the fact that you're asking us anonymous buddies of yours for advice/venting to us means you're pretty in touch with yourself

 

[Bleedred]

the way i see it is, if she really cared about you and was thinking about your feelings, then she'd have had a discussion with you.

you're pretty spot on with letting it be, but at 4-5 months in, communication is pretty damn important, if that isn't a foundation that's already being set, then it doesn't matter how hard you work - things aren't going to progress. it's kind of like that old biblical analogy of building on sand.

don't worry - your character seems to be pretty good here. the fact that you're asking us anonymous buddies of yours for advice/venting to us means you're pretty in touch with yourself

It hasn't quite been 4=5 months, it's actually only been like 3 and it hasn't been that, because I didn't even meet her until a week after our season ended and that was on April 21st when we played game 5 in Tampa. That makes it all the more pathetic how attached I got, but I saw this going somewhere, which is why the thought of ''I can move them in here with me, as long as she'll help me just a little bit with the bills and I know she's not a freeloader, so I'm sure she will'' crossed my mind. I've never lived with a woman I was romantically linked to before.

Thanks for everything, but I think this one is cooked. Who knows what happens in the future? I f***ed all this up and I have to live with that now.

 

[Bleedred]

Bleed red:
Keep your head up. I know what it's like with my past relationship issues and I too can jump at ghosts.
But in all honesty (without knowing the mean stuff you said after), it sounds like what you were raising were valid points.
Honestly, if I have someone hanging out with me and all they're doing is playing on the phone, I'd be pissed too. If you're meant to be in to one another, I'd also be raising the question, especially early on in the relationship.
It almost seems like she was looking for a fight to get out of the whole situation.
Between the kid and staying with the ex, I'd be running for the hills. The ex being so close to home is enough with the extreme complications.

Give yourself some credit for giving it a try, use it as a learning experience, and move on slowly but surely.

We all get mad and frustrated, and sure, people can say some stupid **** when they are, but after a few months, I'd also expect enough of a connection to talk and work through it. If she doesn't want to do that, then I'd be going back to my initial suspicion of her wanting a way out.
So take it and move on, and best of luck on the next try.

You always come across as a fair and intelligent person in your posts, so yeah, keep positive and everyone is here to support you.
If you were in Australia, I'd take you out for a beer and hang out as mates would do.

Saw this yesterday, but forgot to reply.

Thanks for all this friend!

 

[OmNomNom]

It hasn't quite been 4=5 months, it's actually only been like 3 and it hasn't been that, because I didn't even meet her until a week after our season ended and that was on April 21st when we played game 5 in Tampa. That makes it all the more pathetic how attached I got, but I saw this going somewhere, which is why the thought of ''I can move them in here with me, as long as she'll help me just a little bit with the bills and I know she's not a freeloader, so I'm sure she will'' crossed my mind. I've never lived with a woman I was romantically linked to before.

Thanks for everything, but I think this one is cooked. Who knows what happens in the future? I ****ed all this up and I have to live with that now.

man, don't blame yourself on this. if anything, it's evenly split. even if you have to live with it, it just means you won't make the same mistake next time, right? we're all human, shit happens.

trust me, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you back (first hand experience). it doesn't end well.

 

[Darkauron]

man, don't blame yourself on this. if anything, it's evenly split. even if you have to live with it, it just means you won't make the same mistake next time, right? we're all human, **** happens.

trust me, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you back (first hand experience). it doesn't end well.

This 100% bleed. You are being very hard on yourself (tho I am the same way), and you didnt f*** it all up. It is even.

 

[Billdo]

@Bleedred youll be fine, stop blaming yourself. You entered into the relationship a lot of others would've simply said no to. If it's meant to be she'll come back around, if not so be it. Chin up. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Bleedred]

man, don't blame yourself on this. if anything, it's evenly split. even if you have to live with it, it just means you won't make the same mistake next time, right? we're all human, **** happens.

trust me, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you back (first hand experience). it doesn't end well.

This 100% bleed. You are being very hard on yourself (tho I am the same way), and you didnt **** it all up. It is even.

@Bleedred youll be fine, stop blaming yourself. You entered into the relationship a lot of others would've simply said no to. If it's meant to be she'll come back around, if not so be it. Chin up. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I overreacted for no reason about the phone. I tend to alienate a lot of women that I have relationships with or date. I alienated my first long term girlfriend of 5+ years, but for very different reasons. With her, I just didn't pay enough attention to her anymore. With this one and many others, I paid too much attention.

I overreacted that day for no reason about the phone, but this was brewing for a while. I ranted to my best friend two days before the big fight about how annoyed I was about her living situation and how I was getting attached to her and how stressed it was making me feel.

Since the fight, there's no stress anymore, but now I'm hurt and sad at any random moment. I could be fine for a few hours, then my mood deteriorates. I don't even get excited when I start feeling good anymore, as it seems to be only temporary and the shitty feeling keeps coming back.

 

[OmNomNom]

I overreacted for no reason about the phone. I tend to alienate a lot of women that I have relationships with or date. I alienated my first long term girlfriend of 5+ years, but for very different reasons. With her, I just didn't pay enough attention to her anymore. With this one and many others, I paid too much attention.

I overreacted that day for no reason about the phone, but this was brewing for a while. I ranted to my best friend two days before the big fight about how annoyed I was about her living situation and how I was getting attached to her and how stressed it was making me feel.

Since the fight, there's no stress anymore, but now I'm hurt and sad at any random moment. I could be fine for a few hours, then my mood deteriorates. I don't even get excited when I start feeling good anymore, as it seems to be only temporary and the ****ty feeling keeps coming back.

well, you got us to chat with if you need to. hell... if you're "hip" enough, i even have discord, and i'm sure a few others here do too

if anything, the highlighted just means that you just got to find a balance. i was with that with my two exes - first one, i got TOO jealous, and the next time around, i was TOO loose, and both ended up hurting me. in those situations, i found that i just need to respect myself a bit more. selflessness is great, as long as it's reciprocated.

next relationship, i'm sure you'll communicate better. and maybe that starts with patching things up with her, regardless of where your relationship with her leads

 

[newjerseydamo]

selflessness is great, as long as it's reciprocated.

This.

I'm in my first relationship after 7 years of dealing with stuff and it's the hardest thing to do.
I've got my own faults and still trying to find a balance after a short time of us dating. Not easy.

It really is easier to stay single but yeah... I guess sometimes you have to do those things that are uncomfortable just to see if there's something good.

Can easily empathise with you @Bleedred so yeah.

Is it hockey season yet? Life seems simpler when it is.