OT: Relationship Advice Thread

Discussion in 'New York Rangers' started by Loki Dog 74, Jun 20, 2020.

  1. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I don't think I felt like that with this particular girl. I did avoid some topics such as politics but for the most part I wasn't walking on eggshells. And I won't talk about her in the past tense yet. It's not over yet.
     
  2. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    Got in a conversation with a girl on bumble. One of the best conversations I've had a with a girl on the app. I don't put my height because frankly, it handicaps me. It's not the same as posting deceptive photos because I'm not lying about anything. So you have full authority to swipe left if you want to know. I'm viewing apartments now and some don't have photos. I viewed one apartment that didn't have photos and it was in terrible condition. I didn't appreciate them not having photos up. So, I can see how some might view this as similar. Except, there's something wrong with an apartment that's in terrible condition. My height is a product of my genetics. Plus, height is one aspect of me, if an apartment is unlivable then it's just not good. I get it you can renovate, but I think that it's not a good comparison.

    Anyway, we had a great convo and she asked me my height since it's not listed. So I just straight up told her without lying (maybe I rounded it up by half an inch) and said I was 5'4. Then she disappeared.

    This is an old argument but if I asked her weight or body type I'd be a misogynist pig. And if I disappeared after that it would be even worse. But you know what? I have obesity run in my family and I was obese until a couple of years ago. I was able to change that. I can't change my height. I shouldn't be judged for judging women for not taking care of themselves. There ARE edge cases where their genetics are just too f***ed up and that sucks, but that's not most people. My dad, uncle, and cousin are all obese I was able to lose 70 pounds and be in shape. No matter what I do I'll never gain height.

    This stuff pisses me off.

    I will say, it's possible she fell asleep or something and my angry post is for naught but I doubt it.

    Edit: She's 5'2. So not exactly Lisa Leslie.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2020
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  3. Irishguy42 Mr. Preachy

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    Preach, brother. The hypocrisy is real these days.

    "Men under 6' need not apply"

    Girl, shut up.
     
  4. Boris Zubov Drop the puck!

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    I hear you my man...I'm 5'8 1/2 & women used to tell me they need someone who's 6' or taller. I just rolled my eyes at them. Any woman who has requirements like that aren't worth wasting your time with.

    Society tells us that women need to be skinny & men need to be tall. Meanwhile the divorce rates are about 60%. :eyeroll: So look what happens when you have most people dating in the "shallow" end of the pool.

    Just keep fishing...the right one will show up at some point. Patience is the key.
     
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  5. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    But if you think a woman needs to be skinny you're a misogynistic monster if you think a man needs to be tall you're just Ashley or Jessica or whatever. It's bullshit. You can't change height.

    The good news is I have a matchmaker I'm working with and she swears that fewer women care about height than people think.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  6. Trxjw Retired.

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    Getting a little "red pill-ish" in here.

    Women on dating apps care about height because apps are purely superficial and the odds are entirely in their favor. Women in real life really don't care as much about it as you'd think. To be blunt about it, what women really don't like is short men who are insecure about being short and act like they're persecuted for it.

    We're all human and we all have things that we're attracted to. Some women only want tall guys and some guys only want short girls. Whatever you've got, you need to own it. If a girl asks how tall you are on an app, just tell her. One of my closest friends is 5'6 and he regularly dates absolutely gorgeous women he meets online. His response when he's asked how tall he is: "I'm 5'6 but if that's an issue for you, no big deal. I don't want to waste either of our time if that's a deal breaker. :)" It forces her to do some self reflection and it shows that he's confident. Sometimes that's the end of it but he's found that a lot of women say something like "usually I only go for tall guys but..." and he's able to keep talking to them.
     
  7. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I just told her, I literally just said: "my height is 5'4". I AM a bit insecure about my height but she couldn't tell from that. We all have what we're attracted to and I do swipe left one most girls that are significantly overweight. That said, the point is if I was inquiring about a girl's weight I'd be a misogynist THAT'S what pisses me off.
     
  8. Trxjw Retired.

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    Not trying to bash on ya, just trying to give some honest advice because I'm not every woman's preference either.

    Asking a woman her weight has always been considered somewhat disrespectful. Is it a double standard? Sure, but it is what it is. You're not going to change that one Bumble conversation at a time. You gotta be diligent about what really pushes your buttons when you're trying to find a partner.

    I'm telling ya; if you're defensive about your insecurities women can sense that a mile away. "My height is 5'4" might seem innocuous to you, but I guarantee you she could tell you were insecure about it simply by the way you delivered it and the fact that you had excluded it from your profile. She closed that door the same way I would expect you'd close the door on a woman who got really pissed off when you confronted her about her weight. If you were chatting up a girl with no body pics and she responded with "Wtf why is my weight a problem?" you'd probably take that very differently from someone who said, "I'm 200lbs but I'm working hard on changing that! Down 15lbs since quarantine!" Immediately paints someone in a completely different light.

    Pro tip: Don't ever let anyone who is rejecting you piss you off in the process. Letting bullshit roll off your shoulder will instantly elevate your stature in their eyes and those around you. It'll also be a game changer in terms of your own confidence and quality of life.
     
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  9. Harbour Dog HFBoards Sponsor Sponsor

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    This was my thought as well.

    Including it in your profile is the way to go if you want women to think that you aren't a bit insecure about it. It would also save from interactions like the one described.

    You will probably get less swipes in your favour, but you'll be getting the right women's attention; and look more confident and approachable.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  10. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    Excluding it from my profile MIGHT come off as insecure. But "my height is 5'4" in text is not going to be sensed by anyone there's no tone or body language to give away insecurity. I exclude it from my profile because I don't want to handicap myself before someone gets to know me. It shouldn't matter, it's not a personality flaw.
     
  11. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I guess that's fair but this is literally the first and only time someone asked me my height. I used to be very overweight and use old photos. THAT'S wrong. Not including my height isn't.
     
  12. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    And if it's wrong to exclude it from my profile then don't talk to me or swipe right. If it's wrong at 5'4, it's wrong at 6'3.
     
  13. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    One thing that was probably a bad move was putting every other piece of information. It might make it seem a bit insecure. That said I think it's a stretch that that's why she unmatched. If I put 5'4, she probably would never have started the conversation, to begin with.
     
  14. Trxjw Retired.

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    You can think that but the fact that you excluded it from your profile immediately sends that message. Idk if you're quoting yourself exactly but "my height is 5'4" is an oddly formal response. So it comes off as standoffish.

    It's not a personality flaw but it's still keeping information from people that's (rightly or wrongly) important to them in some way. You can't judge someone for swiping left based on your height and not getting to know you anymore than they can judge you for swiping left on them because they're overweight and you didn't give them the same courtesy you're expecting. I get that there are some things that we can change and some things we're stuck with, but people are going to like what they like. Winning someone over with your personality is totally possible. Winning someone over after they feel like you hid something from them? Not so much.

    You've been hiding your height and haven't had much luck with it. I'm with @Harbour Dog and I think you should just own it. Have some fun with it if you want to. My buddy's profile starts with this: "I'm 5'6" and looking for someone who can lift me up emotionally and mentally, but mostly so I can finally dunk on my 12 year old nephew."
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  15. will1066 Registered User

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    It's Just Lunch? Hitch?
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  16. will1066 Registered User

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    Self-deprecating humor is the way to go.
     
  17. Harbour Dog HFBoards Sponsor Sponsor

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    We're definitely on the same page! I was going to suggest something similarly light-hearted earlier, but work took over for a bit.
     
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  18. Trxjw Retired.

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    There's certainly a case where you can overdo it but in this case it shows people you've got some confidence and that you've got a sense of humor. Two check marks in the "plus" column before they even message you.
     
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  19. Crease Chief Justice of the HFNYR Court

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    Yeah, throw something in your profile about it. "Short on height but big on love." Something like that.

    Many women don't care about height in a vacuum -- they're looking for a person with a good soul that they vibe with. Putting it in your profile filters out the superficial women that would have otherwise wasted your time, and also gives you the comfort of knowing that the women who swiped right on you don't care about it. Put it out there. Early dating is stressful enough as is.

    If you find that it "doesn't work," you can always take it out your profile.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  20. Thirty One Safe is safe.

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    Short but hung.
     
  21. Crease Chief Justice of the HFNYR Court

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    Mods, @Thirty One is soliciting again.
     
  22. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    Have to agree with all of the other feedback. I don’t recall if I explicitly had my height listed always but I often matched with girls who were 5’8 and if they asked my height I’d just say I’m 5’9 if it matters. And if it mattered I’d just say I understand, good luck. 90% of the time it didn’t matter. My fiancé now is a bit over 5’7, I’m truthfully a bit under 5’9. She likes wearing heels and so she’s frequently taller than me. I don’t let it bother me, and she shows no signs of it bothering her, but I think if I was insecure about it and asked her to wear flats or seemed unconfident when we went out and she was in heels it would ultimately have a detrimental effect. This goes right back to my very first post in this thread about being yourself. When I said be yourself and own it, I didn’t just mean personality wise. You’re 5’4, own it. If you’re really skinny, own it. If you’re overweight, own it. And as other said, some self deprecating humor goes a long way. If you’re not comfortable with who you are, you’re not really ready to be dating someone anyway. It’s cliche but you can’t really love someone until you love yourself. And you can say you love yourself, but until you really accept yourself, do you?

    Plus omitting it from your profile does you no favors. You’ll get more matches but are they the matches you want? If they’d have swiped left had your height been listed, why do you want to waste your time? If you put your height you already know that it isn’t an issue when you get a match and can proceed with more confidence. If you match and they never ask about your height and then it does progress to meeting in person, they may feel deceived, or simply surprised and then the first impression is altered by the new information and you don’t have the chance to make a pure first impression based on character. It’s just not a recipe for success.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  23. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    God took 6” off my height, but added it somewhere else.
     
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  24. Irishguy42 Mr. Preachy

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    Wow, must be difficult to find dress shirts that fit your arm length. My dad goes through the same issue.
     
  25. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    Unbeatable reach though.
     
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