OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[Maximus]

I certainly agree on the political sentiment.

OK duly noted...cheers!

 

[Trxjw]

My original online dating profile had two disclaimers: 1. I'm not religious and therefore I'm not a fit for you if you want someone who is; and 2. I'm a progressive. So if you're uncomfortable with that then we likely won't work.

I got almost as many messages from people in the few months I was on there telling me I was a dirty liberal or godless heathen as I did normal ones. I also went on one date with a girl who lost her shit when I said that, despite being a progressive, I didn't worship at the alter of Bernie. People are insane.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

This is really dumb but I'm texting this girl and she tells me she was working till midnight. I asked her why and she was like "I'm becoming like you!"

I know this is a minor thing but that's kind of thing that really gets me excited. I love banter like that!

 

[LokiDog]

Just found out Derek Roy is apparently my twin. I disagreed but now that I’ve been shown then resemblance I can’t really deny it. I liked the fake Grabner comment better.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

So I invited this girl to meet up but she still prefers video chat. I guess I have to thread the needle of showing interest while not acting like I'm putting pressure on her. I think I'm doing ok with that. She's having a zoom call with her sister on her birthday so it's likely nothing personal.

 

[Roo Returns]

So I invited this girl to meet up but she still prefers video chat. I guess I have to thread the needle of showing interest while not acting like I'm putting pressure on her. I think I'm doing ok with that. She's having a zoom call with her sister on her birthday so it's likely nothing personal.

You're doing great dude! Keep it going and see how things go with covid. In a few months if the convo progresses and she's still being hesitant, then maybe its time for Red Alert/Shields Up.

 

[will1066]

So I invited this girl to meet up but she still prefers video chat. I guess I have to thread the needle of showing interest while not acting like I'm putting pressure on her. I think I'm doing ok with that. She's having a zoom call with her sister on her birthday so it's likely nothing personal.

No one likes to be pressured. It could be any number of reasons she doesn't yet want to meet in person, but just continue to build on what you have. I don't think it's anything personal.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

No one likes to be pressured. It could be any number of reasons she doesn't yet want to meet in person, but just continue to build on what you have. I don't think it's anything personal.

I do think it's specifically because of Covid. I asked her 3 times now about 2 weeks apart each time. The first time she seemed enthusiastic but asked for when Covid dies down. Last time she said maybe in a few weeks. Yesterday I kind of gave her an easy option. I asked her for a project at work and she said she'd tell me but it would too hard to write out. So I figured that would be my opening. I said "we can talk on houseparty or if you feel comfortable with Covid we can meet up in real life". So that gave her an easy out and she said: "let's talk on houseparty".

 

[will1066]

I do think it's specifically because of Covid. I asked her 3 times now about 2 weeks apart each time. The first time she seemed enthusiastic but asked for when Covid dies down. Last time she said maybe in a few weeks. Yesterday I kind of gave her an easy option. I asked her for a project at work and she said she'd tell me but it would too hard to write out. So I figured that would be my opening. I said "we can talk on houseparty or if you feel comfortable with Covid we can meet up in real life". So that gave her an easy out and she said: "let's talk on houseparty".

It's the Covid. You said she's having a zoom with her sister, right? If her sister is local, and they're zooming, that's a big indicator.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

It's the Covid. You said she's having a zoom with her sister, right? If her sister is local, and they're zooming, that's a big indicator.

Yeah, I think her sister is local(ish). I think maybe LI or NJ. I don't remember.

But anyway, yeah would be dick of me to do anything but be supportive.

 

[will1066]

Yeah, I think her sister is local(ish). I think maybe LI or NJ. I don't remember.

But anyway, yeah would be dick of me to do anything but be supportive.

You don't want to appear desperate at the same time. After asking 3 times, maybe let her initiate. I think it's nice of you to offer support on her work project. Im sure she will appreciate it. But you and her need a heartfelt connection, and it's not going to be from work-related stuff.

If you need a surefire opening, try the Todd Gack method. Google Todd Gack lol.

Im kidding, obviously.

 

[NYSPORTS]

Covid has taken the weirdness of the social dating scene to a whole new level.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

You don't want to appear desperate at the same time. After asking 3 times, maybe let her initiate. I think it's nice of you to offer support on her work project. Im sure she will appreciate it. But you and her need a heartfelt connection, and it's not going to be from work-related stuff.

If you need a surefire opening, try the Todd Gack method. Google Todd Gack lol.

Im kidding, obviously.

Eh, I've talked to her for a couple of months, not like this is the first thing I'll talk about. I was curious about her work project and thought this would be a good opportunity to listen rather than talk which is something I struggle with from time to time. I think we're at a point of conversation where I can talk about her job without overthinking it. I've barely talked to her about her job, not like I talked to her about it all the time. I kind of resent this whole "you can't talk about XYZ stuff" if it's completely innocuous. Would I start talking about vulgar stuff? No. But I don't like the fact that I have to restrict myself in talking about something innocuous as her job. I don't like that even the first time I talk to her, much less after talking to her for about 2 months now. At some point, I have to not walk on eggshells.

 

[will1066]

Eh, I've talked to her for a couple of months, not like this is the first thing I'll talk about. I was curious about her work project and thought this would be a good opportunity to listen rather than talk which is something I struggle with from time to time. I think we're at a point of conversation where I can talk about her job without overthinking it. I've barely talked to her about her job, not like I talked to her about it all the time. I kind of resent this whole "you can't talk about XYZ stuff" if it's completely innocuous. Would I start talking about vulgar stuff? No. But I don't like the fact that I have to restrict myself in talking about something innocuous as her job. I don't like that even the first time I talk to her, much less after talking to her for about 2 months now. At some point, I have to not walk on eggshells.

If it's been a couple of months, the convo definitely can be about deeper topics. Don't beat yourself up about finding things to talk about, you're getting comfortable just like she is. You can try opening up first, see how that goes. If you really feel like walking on eggshells, take the less is more approach. Less frequent but better quality talks. Build up things to talk about between the times you talk to her.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

If it's been a couple of months, the convo definitely can be about deeper topics. Don't beat yourself up about finding things to talk about, you're getting comfortable just like she is. You can try opening up first, see how that goes. If you really feel like walking on eggshells, take the less is more approach. Less frequent but better quality talks. Build up things to talk about between the times you talk to her.

What I mean is if I can't even talk about work projects then I'm walking on eggshells. I don't want to have to limit what I talk to her about unless it's something inappropriate. But I did recently realize that I don't have a deep conversation with her as I do with a friend of mine. We legit talked about the meaning of life the other day (my friend and I). But I don't know those topics don't come up. But I also don't think there's anything wrong about talking about work projects it's not some frivolous topic.

 

[will1066]

What I mean is if I can't even talk about work projects then I'm walking on eggshells. I don't want to have to limit what I talk to her about unless it's something inappropriate. But I did recently realize that I don't have a deep conversation with her as I do with a friend of mine. We legit talked about the meaning of life the other day (my friend and I). But I don't know those topics don't come up. But I also don't think there's anything wrong about talking about work projects it's not some frivolous topic.

The last thing I wanna do is give you worthless or even bad advice that backfires. Definitely talk about work projects if you feel it's an opening. It seems like you don't have a lot of options for topics right now. It's like Machinehead said, you need to find the right buttons to push, and everyone is different.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

The last thing I wanna do is give you worthless or even bad advice that backfires. Definitely talk about work projects if you feel it's an opening. It seems like you don't have a lot of options for topics right now. It's like Machinehead said, you need to find the right buttons to push, and everyone is different.

I don't know man. I'd love to get deeper. But most of our conversation is through text and the video call conversations last an hour. So not much room to have deep conversation. I honestly think that talking about her work project could get into a deeper conversation. I actually think it's not super negative that some of our conversations aren't that deep. I think there's a certain familiarity that we have that I appreciate. For example, we're both Soviet Jews and we one time talked about our favorite meals from the old country. Not a deep conversation but kind of...familiar, if you know what I mean. And the conversation with her is pretty easy, which I appreciate. Maybe I can try to get deeper, but there's not that much opportunity on text and short video call stints.

 

[will1066]

I don't know man. I'd love to get deeper. But most of our conversation is through text and the video call conversations last an hour. So not much room to have deep conversation. I honestly think that talking about her work project could get into a deeper conversation. I actually think it's not super negative that some of our conversations aren't that deep. I think there's a certain familiarity that we have that I appreciate. For example, we're both Soviet Jews and we one time talked about our favorite meals from the old country. Not a deep conversation but kind of...familiar, if you know what I mean. And the conversation with her is pretty easy, which I appreciate. Maybe I can try to get deeper, but there's not that much opportunity on text and short video call stints.

What about good ol telephone calls? For some reason video calls aren't good to read body language. Phone calls, you can read subtle vocal cues.

Just keep at it. Familiarity leads to trust which leads to opening up more.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

What about good ol telephone calls? For some reason video calls aren't good to read body language. Phone calls, you can read subtle vocal cues.

Just keep at it. Familiarity leads to trust which leads to opening up more.

I think most for people in 2020 phone calls have gone the way of the dodo. If we had 2-3 hour video call conversations we could get deeper. I don't know, maybe it's a bad sign that we haven't had that. She's an excellent conversationalist so I don't think it's that.

 

[will1066]

I think most for people in 2020 phone calls have gone the way of the dodo. If we had 2-3 hour video call conversations we could get deeper. I don't know, maybe it's a bad sign that we haven't had that. She's an excellent conversationalist so I don't think it's that.

Dude if 2-3 hours they better be deep lol. Even I would try and bail out after an hour or so no matter how deep.

Do you make her laugh? Do you think that she thinks you're fun to talk to?

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Dude if 2-3 hours they better be deep lol. Even I would try and bail out after an hour or so no matter how deep.

Do you make her laugh? Do you think that she thinks you're fun to talk to?

Yes and yes. She makes me laugh too and is fun to talk to.

My friend that I mentioned I can talk got 3 hours and I talked her for 5 and a half before. I know her longer but I also have a ridiculous connection with her. But she's long distance and 43 with 5 kids. She thinks I'm too young for her.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

So I'm really bad at flirting, like REALLY bad. It makes me uncomfortable, especially with a girl I never met in real life. But someone suggested it and I was going to try it. But then I opened up to this girl about deeper feelings. I mean nothing earth-shattering, I just told her how much I like her. I hope to meet up with her soon.

 

[will1066]

So I'm really bad at flirting, like REALLY bad. It makes me uncomfortable, especially with a girl I never met in real life. But someone suggested it and I was going to try it. But then I opened up to this girl about deeper feelings. I mean nothing earth-shattering, I just told her how much I like her. I hope to meet up with her soon.

Is this the same girl you've been talking about?

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Is this the same girl you've been talking about?

Yep.

 

[will1066]

Yep.

And what happened when you told her this?