OT: Relationship Advice Thread

Discussion in 'New York Rangers' started by Loki Dog 74, Jun 20, 2020.

  1. Irishguy42 Mr. Preachy

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    The back of the top shelf of the kitchen cabinets, you have met your match!
     
  2. Hi ImHFNYR Registered User

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    It sucks to know you have a 'handicap' that people will reject you for. You could either ignore that fact, deflect with anger or accept it with self pity. Your weight height and personality area good analogy for an apt. Sounds like you worked on the weight. Based on the way you've always behaved here, you've improved with age but you def better be acting way differently irl. We'll get to height.

    People want you to bring several things to the table. Things like compliments, entertainment, common ground, excitement, empathy, intelligence, looks, money. You've also gotta come across as genuine and not a try hard.

    Unfortunately a lot of people with physical deficiencies don't make up for it enough in the other areas, they try way too hard to compensate and they might even do what you're doing here which is start deflecting away from your own deficiencies by framing it as everyone else just being unfair to you.

    That's why you used that old, outdated and incorrect argument. Taking care of yourself is a key component to being naturally attractive to someone. It is absolutely essential to the puzzle.

    I am aware that there is a small segment of SJW, virtue signaling nutcases out there who may say differently but you are not a misogynist pig for finding a person unattractive due to their size or facial appearance. You might be a pig based on how you react to people and treat them. No one asks for the weight number, that's universal. But we do all ask for pics so we can see "how do you look?"

    Height number is fair game on both sides.

    Hiding your height is a bad move. As soon as you are forced to reveal it the other person will instantly think "Ew he was hiding it. So he's short AND dishonest". Based on what you're saying here they might also think "...and he's a try hard. I feel like if we go more than a day without texting he gets all desperate but he never has anything interesting to say." Don't hide something if she can find out what it is the second she sees you. Puts you on real poor footing right away. And don't take the attitude "Well it isn't like she's tall either." If you have to talk shit about her to put you both on equal footing in your own head then that's a terrible sign.

    The fact is that the majority of girls I've ever spoken to online, the MAJORITY, have no personality and nothing to say. Most likely bc they weren't interested.
    Looking back, I frequently also didn't have anything to say so I'd throw lame trash at the wall hoping it sticks.

    The typical "How was your day?" "Do you like x? I like x too!" happy horseshit.

    I overthought every comment I was going to leave and stressed about if I wasn't getting a message back in time...from someone I didn't know existed a few days ago.

    Stop stressing. If she's taking too long to respond then either wait or go bring something interesting to the table so she actually wants to respond. I guarantee whatever it is you brought so far, it was pleasant but uninspiring and boring. If it was actually interesting and unique then, congrats, you found a plank of wood who isn't worth stressing over bc she's prob not that into you so stop stressing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
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  3. will1066 Registered User

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    Like a tripod.
     
  4. will1066 Registered User

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    Then you wear heels too. So simple. Problem solved.
     
  5. Tob Registered User

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    I feel like 5'8 problems and 5'4 problems are very different.
     
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  6. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    1) I said "my height is 5'4" because I was responding to a couple of messages there first was something else and then the second one was the height question. So I said "my height is 5'4" to make it clear what question I was answering with my second response.

    2) Sorry, nope someone not taking part in a healthy lifestyle is not the same as being born into a family that is shorter than average. I didn't lie or do anything misleading. If she didn't like that I concealed my height she could have not messaged me (I don't think swiping left was an option since I think it was an automatic match). But when she thought I might be 6'3 she was ok talking to me. Also, bumble doesn't force you to answer all of the questions. Tinder doesn't even have the option to share your height. I did NOTHING wrong.
     
  7. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    1) Bumble doesn't force you to answer all of these questions. Most women don't share everything. Most do share their height, but height for women is really not an issue. If a woman is tall she could just date a taller guy. On the other hand, plenty of short girls that would only date tall men.

    2) Tinder doesn't even have an option for height and somehow people find matches.

    3) Women notoriously post misleading pics all the time if they're overweight. Leaving info out, there's transparency is not misleading. If you find height that important I'm not hiding that I don't want to share it. You are free to swipe left. If I wasn't an asshole for not sharing my height when I could have been 6'3, then I'm not an asshole when I'm 5'4.

    4) I'm not not sharing my height because I'm so insecure about it, I'm not sharing it because I don't want to handicap myself. I'm not sharing that I lose my shit during Rangers games either.
     
  8. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    You're making A LOT of assumptions about my conversation abilities. I have a lot of faults, my ability to make interesting conversation is definitely not one of them and if you're referring to the girl I've been talking to I might have been friend zoned, but you don't talk to and engage with a person for over 2.5 months if they think they're boring. Maybe if I were some amazingly good looking athlete that was great in bed or if I were rich. She is also actually extremely responsive. I'm not really sure where all of these incorrect and baseless assumptions are coming from.

    The rest of your post is logical and well taken. However, that part above is full of baseless, incorrect assumptions.
     
  9. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I added my height.
     
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  10. Kupo HOLY SHIT !!! Sponsor

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  11. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    The fact that you think you’re not sharing it is in order to not handicap yourself, rather than out of insecurity you’re missing a large contradiction. If you think of disclosing your height as giving yourself a handicap, clearly it’s not something you’re comfortable about. If you were, you wouldn’t think that disclosing it is a handicap. Also, while I appreciate you’re looking for advice and just wanting to represent your side of things, the bullet point tutorial on tinder, bumble and the kinds of misleading photos and double standards women have on dating apps is unnecessary. I’ve literally slept with 20+ women between the two sites alone; it may come across harshly at times and I may not always fully understand or see your view point, but I’m offering advice from a place of experience and success.

    The argument over height is pointless. It’s one of many small things we could argue over regarding strategy with these apps. The fact is, either it’s going to come up in conversation or it’s going to be a surprise when you eventually meet, but either way they’re going to find out. If you think you’re going to “hook them” before they either ask about it or meet you, and that’s the way in which you’re not handicapping yourself... it doesn’t work. No woman has ever hooked me with deceptive pics only for me to find out she’s not what she tried to make herself look like, but I’d already found her so delightful that I just went with it anyway. Women who don’t mind your height won’t mind, and women who do, will. Making it a surprise really only does yourself a disservice because you’ll just be bitter at the ones who unmatch or lose interest because of it.

    My outside perspective, which I’ve kept largely quiet throughout this entire thread is that a couple of the people seeking advice in here seem to be pursuing the wrong types. You want to match with someone who otherwise wouldn’t have matched if your height was shown, under the illusion that you can woo her before she finds out about your height and will go from would have cared to doesn’t care because she likes you. Or you have someone who never initiates conversation and doesn’t give straight answers. Are these the types of people you’d actually WANT to date? Or did they have some good pictures and a decent bio? Because I don’t really want to date someone who skips people like me because of my height. Or who never initiate conversation.

    You also have to be realistic with yourself (I have no idea what you look like; you could be a total stud muffin) but if you know you’re like a 6-7, don’t spend all your time swiping right on 9-10s. If you know you’re kind of the quieter, intellectual type who doesn’t even enjoy getting rowdy at bars or really partying, don’t bother swiping right on the girls who have multiple pictures of themselves partying and in the clubs with their friends. So what, they’re hot. It’s not going to work. If you are the rowdy, partying, gym rat, jock type, likewise, you probably don’t want to swipe on the vegan activist who lives in Astoria. I’m not saying opposites never attract and don’t ever work out, but there is a difference between looking for someone (anyone) and looking for someone who is right for you. This isn’t addressed to one person in particular, but it seems that a couple of you are okay with anyone who’ll go on a date with you as long as you matched. If you’re just looking to get laid, as I usually was on these apps, go for it. But if you’re actually looking to date, you need to be targeted and realistic in who you’re actually trying to talk to.
     
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  12. Captain Midnight Registered User

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  13. Maximus Registered User

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    Question my friends. There's this girl I'm interested in and she's 32 years old. We've been kind of flirting with one another and as much as I dig here vibe, I'm 99.9% certain she's into my vibe as well.

    Not bragging at all trust me but tho I'm 57 years old yet I've been told I look probably around 48-50 and act probably 10 years younger than that. I'm pretty up to date on some of the younger peeps type music these days hI'm into EDM and some trance type techno. I dress pretty sharply and not like some old fogies I know who are my age.

    Question for you fine gentleman is should I pursue this despite the 25 year age gap. This girl is very sexy and she really floats my boat. I know the sex would be great and there would be alot of passion involved. Now I haven't made an official overture to her like "hey you want to go have a drink after you finish work" something like that. Or have I asked her to "friend" me on FB which I'm thinking about doing.

    Is it cradle robbing for me to pursue this or should I just forget about it as I'm simply too old or her despite how young I may feel at heart? Would it be considered a "sugar daddy/sugar baby" thing which is not what I want? I guess all I want is some companionship and a relationship where we both have fun and a good time. This wouldn't be a "meet your parents and friends" type of thing.

    Hope some of you know what the hell I'm talking about...lol
     
  14. Boris Zubov Drop the puck!

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    Let's start with the Sugar Daddy thing. Has she give off those vibes that she wants you to spend a bunch of money on her? If so, since it's not what you're seeking, walk away. Until she explicitly states that she expects you to open your wallet often, your line of thought is probably misguided.

    Next, the only way you're too old for her is if you put limitations on yourself. If she wants to hang, that's all that matters. If you don't think this has any long term potential, you should have zero hesitation. Even if you thought it might have a chance of growing into something serious, the only stigma that exists is what you put on it. The world is a hot mess outside, so anyone with the time to judge someone else's relationship has their priorities seriously out of whack.

    Besides, you're getting up there a bit, so who knows how long you'll have these opportunities coming your way. If you don't go for it, you'll surely regret it. Before you know it, you might be heading to the early bird buffet at your local retirement community in Florida. ;)

    And for the record, my GF & I have a similar age gap. I'm in my late 40s & she is 27. It started out very casually as long distance tryst, but now we live together. We don't care what people think about it...because it's not about them. Mainly we both have the attitude that most guys would do anything to be in my shoes & if older women are acting judgemental, they're just bitter that my GF is younger & hotter than they are. :wg: Or if women her age are judging, it's because they're unhappy in their own dating situations. Either way it has no bearing on how we feel about each other.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2020
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  15. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I just take exception with the idea that not sharing something I have the option of not sharing and isn't even an option on other dating apps is the same as posting purposely misleading photos. I'm being 100% transparent. I don't want to tell you my height, you can see that by looking at my profile. It's not misleading, it's me not sharing and you can see plain as day that I didn't share. I used to post misleading photos and THAT was wrong. That's basically a lie. But here you can see that I didn't want to share and you have the option to not swipe right.
     
  16. Trxjw Retired.

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    It's not like you broke a law, man. I'm just being honest with you. If you aren't up front with people they're going to assume whatever you're hiding is either something you're uncomfortable with or something shady. My point is that you're highly unlikely to be able to slide your height into conversation without it being a turnoff for most women. Not because it's a necessarily a problem for them, but because you're not up front about it and that gives off the impression that you're insecure. On the flip side, you can't fault people for bailing once they've learned something about you that's a deal breaker for them.

    I'm not trying to beat you up. Just sharing some advice based on what I've learned over the years. I'm a pale dude with a red beard and freckles who buzzes his hair because he's losing it. That means that out of the gate I'm a hard no for plenty of women. But do I care? Not even a little bit. What I learned years ago is that it's a complete waste of your time trying to hide or change who you are, let alone be ashamed of it in any way. You've gotta own your shit no matter what you've been dealt. You just need to put forth the best version of yourself that you possibly can and I guarantee more women will be attracted to you because of it.
     
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  17. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    All of that is correct. We’re not saying you’re being misleading, or at least I’m not. We’re simply saying that not sharing isn’t doing you any favors. Yes, it’s your right not to share, and no you’re not misrepresenting yourself to gain matches. But from a point of view of, is it going to help you or hurt you, in terms of successfully meeting someone, the majority opinion is clearly that it is going to hurt you. No one is telling you what you’re doing is “wrong”, as in inherently bad, they’re just saying that the strategy is wrong, as in counterproductive. It sucks that there’s double standards and that it’s more acceptable for women to be as deceiving as possible with their photos, or hold standards like 6’+, than it is for you to simply not disclose your height. No one is arguing against that, I think any of us who have used one of these apps has felt the frustration to some degree. Whether it’s the profiles that flat out say “if you’re not 6’ than I don’t want it” or the women whose photos make it impossible to tell what kind of shape they’re in. No one can make you share you’re height and you don’t have to and that doesn’t make you a bad or deceptive person. The majority of us are just saying we think you’d be better off if you did.
     
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  18. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    Exactly.
     
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  19. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    I agree with Zubov. You just have to determine whether that sugar daddy/baby vibe is there or not. If she’s looking to be spoiled and ‘compensated’ for her time with you, as he said, walk away. Otherwise, hell no it’s not cradle robbing. She’s a 32 year old grown ass woman. As long as her interest is genuine and not in your wallet, absolutely go for it and enjoy it.

    Not quite the same but while I was an active duty MP, I was dating a (just turned) 21 year old babe from the medical group while I was 32. Smaller age gap, but her being SO young still made it feel questionable at times. But she was a consenting adult, old enough to enlist in the military and deploy and possibly die for her country so... she could choose who she wanted to hook up with. Similarly, not a meet your parents type of situation, just some fun. There was also a large rank discrepancy which is usually looked down on, but was easier to avoid because our units were completely unrelated and I had no impact on her chain of command or professional opportunities. Still there was the feeling of maybe I’m just a status symbol and a thrill for her. An older sergeant for the young airman. At the end of the day, who cares?
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2020
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  20. Trxjw Retired.

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    Age really doesn't matter as long as it's legal and consensual. If you guys vibe well that's really all that matters. Whether it's serious or casual is entirely between you guys and nobody else's business.

    As far as the sugaring aspect of it is concerned there's also a pretty big difference between that dynamic and just a couple with an age gap. Is financial security usually a part of the attraction in one way or another? Sure but it doesn't necessarily mean you're paying for her time, which is the basis of a sugar daddy relationship. It's hard to say whether or not that's what she's after without really knowing the full situation.

    Also, I'd start with asking her to grab a drink but if you're going to ask for her social media, go with Instagram. Snap works as well but can come off a little creepy unless the vibe is really right. Facebook is for the elderly and conspiracy theories. ;)
     
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  21. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    Absolutely this. Don’t ask to add on Facebook. That’s kind of an awkward generational faux pas. Seems absolutely normal, but to a 32 year old it will probably make you seem closer to your numerical age than the young stud you are at heart. Instagram is the realm of casual social connection for the 30 year old crowd. This is 100% accurate and just one of those “I don’t know why it is, but it definitely is” types of things.
     
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  22. Thirty One Safe is safe.

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    Nice.
     
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  23. Maximus Registered User

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    OK Zubie, Lokie, TRX, you guys have hit the nail on the head and I'm glad I posed the question last night. I suspected I was correct in my thinking but just needed a bit of assurance from some peeps who might have experience in this or who are "wise men".

    I'm going to ask her out for a drink and we'll see where things go. Thx again boyz and I'll keep y'all updated...cheers
     
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  24. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    So how's this for a bit of irony. I've had my height listed since either yesterday or today and I got 2 likes by 2 girls that are taller than girls I usually get likes from, 5'5 and 5'7. They're both taller than me too.
     
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  25. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    One problem with my "don't handicap yourself strategy" and "they can always swipe left" thought process. While both are sound but what if someone swipes left that doesn't care about height and just doesn't like not knowing and otherwise would have swiped right?
     

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