OT: Relationship Advice Thread

Discussion in 'New York Rangers' started by Loki Dog 74, Jun 20, 2020.

  1. will1066 Whatever the guy in Vegas

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    I'm sorry, dude.
     
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  2. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    Thanks for the support.
     
  3. will1066 Whatever the guy in Vegas

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    Don't give up
     
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  4. Uninstaaled Number One BS Sponsor

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    this.

    Be happy that you got 14 dates, that’s a ton of experience. Going 0-14 is just part of the process and you’re not the first person to experience this and won’t be the last.
     
  5. One Winged Angel You Can't Escape

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    You and I should have a running contest to see how badly we can go 0 for. I’m like 0 for the century after my last ex. :laugh:
     
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  6. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    Since we're opening up I'm 0 for life.
     
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  7. user26 HFBoards Sponsor Sponsor

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    Been in a couple relationships, I suppose I may have some advice.

    - Take your time
    Big thing I learned (Especially after a recent break up) is to take your damn time getting into (a or another) relationship. Going from 0-100 on someone can be a turnoff, and If your just broken up with id wait at least a couple months.

    - Don’t worry if your rejected
    Trust me, it saves you the time. Even if you have feelings for them why fight for someone when they don’t want to fight for you? Yes it’s a shitty realization but it’s less time wasted and there will be someone in the future

    - Be yourself
    Don’t change yourself for someone. There will be someone out there who cares for you because of who you are, not the person your pretending to be. It may take time, and to a lot of people it takes a lot of time. But accept that, you will like it a lot more being single than whipped.

    -Be confident with yourself and don’t give up
    As mentioned there will be someone out there for you. If your goal is truly to be in a relationship just keep trying, even if you keep getting rejected, or dates don’t turn into anything just use it as experience.
     
  8. One Winged Angel You Can't Escape

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    I’m not too far behind you.

    I’ll drink to that.
     
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  9. mrmovies779 The Greatest Teacher,Failure is.

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    It will happen when you least expect it.Love is strange and crazy like that
     
  10. Roo Returns Skjeikspeare No More

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    @SnowblindNYR @will1066 I don't want to sound like a broken record;

    -Shut it down until at least April when the vaccine is on the way

    -Learn some new skills or hobbies. I've been an editor using iMovie for 7 months in my spare time for a YouTube channel and it's led me to doing two work training videos when my responsibilities have nothing to do with that part of the world. I'm not a good editor by any means but I am 100% competent and where I am now from where I was in June is night and day.

    -Lift weights. Work on your physiques. You don't have to get 50 lbs free-weights just two 15 or 20 lbs can do a lot. I primarily run..but it's the winter and I refuse to run when it's below 40 :)

    -Read some books about dating and frame. I'm not going to give specifics unless you DM me. Some authors are controversial but if you only focus on the dynamics and interactions of men and women, it'll help.

    -Post less and think about modifying you social media sites.

    -Most importantly; have fun! It can be tough when you're lonely (I have oneitus^2 which I say in every post here to remind people that I'm right there with y'all). There are other things to do. Hockey will be back in a few weeks. We have some Giants football games in December that matter.

    I mentioned before, I destroyed my stomach this weekend from too much black coffee, not enough sleep, and too much wine on an empty stomach from a virtual happy hour, but had a lovely evening watching old WWF videos on YouTube trying to rest.

    I respect when someone like @Loki Dog 74 comes in and tells me I'm overthinking and says just be yourself and the others who say I'm brainwashed by pickup artists on YouTube and look at this too much as a job interview. I'm only offering alternative advise to others to try and help.

    I don't believe I'm overthinking because the facts are if you're single now this is the worst time to try and meet someone:

    -Height of a pandemic
    -Weather is garbage in the Northeast
    -The breakup and divorce rate is going to skyrocket

    If you do the work from now until late-spring/early-summer you will have a wealth of options because there are women who are going to be equally if not more lonely.
     
  11. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I would have taken a break but I'm part of another (free) service that I wanted to give a shot and don't know if I can postpone it till April. I also kind of wanted to revisit one of the girls and the longer I wait the less likely that will get. But in general a break is needed between the matchmaking service, bumble, and the dating course I'm burned out emotionally.
     
  12. Unknownbutfamous1 Registered User

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    Hi guys. Got a couple questions for you married people out there. A little about me. Im 31. Never had a serious relationship. I was always very shy and always lacked strong friendships (men or woman except for my mom and dog) and relationships with females. Some times I feel like I have no emotions. Went to an all guys high school then to college where Sophomore/Junior year i started to do better with woman. I had a couple crushes that I never kissed during high school and before. I had my first kiss was I was 18 and first sex when I was 21. When I was 25, I fell in love with this girl (Lets call her E) . She was a 10 both in the looks, body, and personality dept. She made me feel extroverted and outgoing when I was with her. We both had shore houses down the jersey shore and our houses were friendly with one another. I never felt a feeling like that one I would get by hanging out with her. I have never felt that amount of joy in my soul. We hooked up but never banged although I know I could have but I never made it happen when it should have and I think she didn't want to be with me because my inaction came off as not being alpha . I was devastated when she wanted nothing to do with me and promised myself to improving with women so I would never feel that way again. At 26/27, I became better with people and started doing decently well with women. I started banging some babes (8-9s). This was a really good feeling but that soon began to fade as I realized that it wasn't all what I though it would be. I always think how awesome these girls are then after I have sex with them, I would lose the tension and get bored and move on to the next girl probably because I sometimes lack that connection with someone.

    1. For those that are married/serious relationship, when will I know I have found the one?

    2. How does your first love compare to the partner you are married to now? Should it be the same intense feeling or should your love be way less in your marriage compared to your first feeling of love (because your older and more independent so your not as in awe of love) . I'm dating this girl now (call her "N") that I really like and she is the most I have felt since the girl when I was talking to "E". But its nowhere close to that feeling but the closest by far I have had since. I am 50/50 on her because one train of thought it that I should stay with her because this is the best it will get considering that I am getting older and that I struggle making deep connections. The other is that my first connection with E is what I should compare any marriage and if its not on the level I shouldn't settle for less than that feeling.

    3. Do you ever feel the need to cheat? I feel like if my connection isn't strong enough eventually down the line I will want to cheat and find the excitement of having sex with random girls. I dont want to do this. With this girl now I sometimes feel like Im missing out on all the action with the ladies.

    I really appreciate any responses.
     
  13. will1066 Whatever the guy in Vegas

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    Undertaker-Shawn Michaels WM25.
     
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  14. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    Just turned 34. I was a relationship guy for a long time. Had a string of 1-3 year relationships from the time I was in high school through college, then married my college girlfriend. I had some hookups in between but mostly I’d end up in relationships. Divorced my college girlfriend while in the military for various reasons and found I was no longer willing to shoe horn myself into relationships or just didn’t see the purpose. Between 2017 and 2019 I slept with probably 25 women. I know I slept with 15 in 2019 (don’t ask me why, I ended up counting the other day) and fooled around with plenty more. Toward the end of 2019 I met my current fiancé. We didn’t end up in a relationship right away, there were a few women after her. We decided to ‘go for it’ around Christmas last year.

    My takes based on my own experiences:

    You’ll know you’ve found the right one when they bring something to the table that’s valuable aside from looks and laughs. They’ll make you better. They’ll have qualities that bode well for a future; life outlook, lifestyle, goals, ethics... I didn’t pursue a relationship with my fiancé right away because I was still addicted to the thrill of variety and the feeling that the next may be even better than the last. Ultimately she knew I was playing the field and told me to kick rocks, and it wasn’t until after that I realized that she was a GOOD woman and someone worth building a life with and pursing, rather than just a pursuit. I had to fight to get her to meet for a drink and discuss things and then had to wait to see what she decided before she gave me a second chance.

    It will never feel like your first love, unless you’re one of those people who gets the star crossed, Hollywood experience or you marry one of your very first loves. The more experience you gain, the less likely it is to be all fireworks and special effects. That doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Actually, reality is that relationships are work, people are people, and in all likelihood there is no one in the world who will truly seem so perfect that you’ll find them without flaw. Recognizing that we all have flaws and what is important is a big step.

    I don’t have the desire to cheat. I do miss the excitement of new women from time to time. I see beautiful women and think about how successful I’ve been in the past and think that I could probably have a chance and it eats me up a tiny bit, but I also know that my fiancé is absolutely insanely gorgeous and that 90% of men won’t ever even have one woman as attractive as her. Like with all things, being realistic and retaining a frame as to what’s important versus what Hollywood and TV tell us we ought to desire, and what’s actually worth investing in long term always keeps me from even entertaining the idea. It doesn’t mean my eyes don’t wander, but my hands and heart won’t. And we keep things fairly spicy at home as well.

    Ultimately, you’ll find a partner and you’ll enter a partnership that is mutually beneficial, requires equal work from both parties but is equally rewarding and you’ll want to build something together.

    That’s all I’ve got.
     
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  15. user26 HFBoards Sponsor Sponsor

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    For your questions:
    I’m in a 4 year relationship currently but only 21. So don’t have anywhere near as much experience as some but still have opinions.

    1) It’s not that easy of an answer. I was certain I found “the one” with my first gf and that ended up being a dud after a year and a half. You just have to trust yourself and your feelings. If it feels right you f***ing go for it and see what ends up happening.

    2) My feeling in my relationship now is certainly more strong than the one in my first. Which is weird because my first I truly felt was the one and didn’t think I could be more confident. But here I am feeling more confident.

    3) No. I value a solid relationship more than having sex with girls who are more or less attractive.
     
  16. Roo Returns Skjeikspeare No More

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    I was more into watching the 80s and 90s stuff when I was a kid.

    The Attitude Era doesn't hold up well for me. Too many punch fests.

    I watched Austin-Taker IYH: Cold Day In Hell, Undertaker-Diesel WM 12 (the match was much better than I thought), and the crown jewel: Patterson-Slaughter Street Fight from MSG 1981.
     
  17. will1066 Whatever the guy in Vegas

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    For 80s definitely look for Starrcade 86 and 87, the Great American Bash, War Games: The Match Beyond. The Four Horsemen and Lex Luger vs Dusty Rhodes, Road Warriors, and Nikita Koloff in two rings completed enclosed by a steel cage.
     
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  18. Overcast Registered User

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    So I've been in a bit of a conundrum the last couple months. I (33) met my girlfriend (29) just before the pandemic (started talking/dating back in January) and everything has been terrific from the jump. She's easily the healthiest person I've been with emotionally, she has her own friends and ambitions and things she wants to do. I feel that she enables me to be a better version of myself and I count my lucky stars I was able to find someone with the way the climate of society has been this year (on top of the fact that before her I basically went 7 1/2 years between my first and second relationship; current gf is my third), and that quarantining together for weeks allowed us to learn a lot about each other very quickly. The thing that has been poking my side is the fact that she is dead set on being a parent one way or another. I am, on my absolute most "I feel like I've got this together" days, 50/50 while heavily leaning towards not wanting kids/to be a parent. Is this something I should face up to and discuss with her sooner rather than later? Both our families see us on the path to getting married, and we do too, but being a parent is not something I would consider lightly. If there was someone I would ever entertain the idea of being a parent with, she would be at the top of a short list..but I just don't know. The farthest I usually get is that I'm definitely not ready now or in the near future since I'm going to be leaving my current job in a week. I feel like I would just be royally screwing myself over by ending this relationship, but I can't imagine what raising a human would be like.
     
  19. Roo Returns Skjeikspeare No More

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    Don't get back in the game until you're recharged.
     
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  20. Loki Dog 74 Dog of mischief

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    I never really wanted kids until I did. And I’m still not ready, but at the same time (34) if it happens, it happens. Both my parents and my step mom have all said you’re never really ready. I don’t think it’s a reason to stop yourself from having a future with someone. If you were dead set against it, that’s different but in your situation, I’d say you just go with the flow of life. You can certainly tell her you’re unsure and have doubts and reservations, but ultimately I transitioned from not wanting kids at all to thinking that, as challenging and potentially terrifying as it will be, raising kids would be an awesome adventure and if I’m sharing it with the right person, why not?
     
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  21. SnowblindNYR Registered User

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    I'm about as bottom of the totem poll in terms of relationships and don't feel super qualified to give advice. But I remember someone telling me "you never feel ready to start a business". And I think this is probably true about having kids for most people. Except most people don't start businesses. Most people do (or at least used to) have kids. Is it possible a) you're just scared? b) you like most people will figure it out when you have those kids?
     
  22. Boris Zubov Drop the puck!

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    Think you meant Ivan Koloff. Didn't he sing the Russian national anthem when he was announced to rile the crowd up against him? If he didn't sing it, it was definitely played in the arena. Either way it worked like a charm, he was booed profusely.
     
  23. Crease Chief Justice of the HFNYR Court

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    Do you care about your partner's well-being as much as your own?
    Do you feel comfortable telling your partner everything?
    Do you feel comfortable being completely yourself around your partner?

    If your answers to those questions are "yes," and your partner's answers to those questions are also "yes," congrats you both found "the one."
     
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  24. kovazub94 Enigmatic Sponsor

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    A. Almost everyone feels not ready to have kids
    B. Almost everyone feels kids are the best thing that happened in their lives once they have them
    C. Given that you're still at a bf / gf stage in your lives with your significant other - it will easily be another 2-3 years at least before kids come
     
  25. will1066 Whatever the guy in Vegas

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    It was Nikita. Both Nikita and Ivan were Cold War tag heels at first, but Nikita got the big singles push because he had the look. They put him in a storyline with all-American Magnum T.A. but later he became a face when Gorbachev came into power and also Magnum T.A. got in a car crash that ended his career so that storyline ended too. Turning him into a face was actually Dusty Rhodes' genius to mirror what was happening in the real world.

    Here's the first of a series of matches between the same teams during the Great American Bash tour in '87. Seeing it the first time, I just remember that this promotion's less gimmicky, less comedic approach blew WWE away.



    Apologies in advance for hijacking the thread discussion.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2020
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