OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[YoSoyLalo]

Maybe I read it differently than you guys, but I’m pretty sure they are both students in his MA classes and he’s not trying to pick up one of his students. Could be wrong.

Yeah re-reading it it looks like @Machinehead and her are both students, but could be reading it wrong

If they’re both students I’d say consider it but probably forget it. In that scenario it’s whatever.

if he’s teaching the class it’s an automatic no.

 

[NYSPORTS]

So I just wanted to get some opinions on this.

Since March, I've been teaching online as well as taking my MA classes on Zoom. There's a girl in a couple of these classes that I really like. It's kind of a weird situation, though. Let's put it this way: she would definitely know who I am but we haven't interacted outside of Zoom calls with 15 or so other people. Really, I just wanna talk to her but emailing her or messaging her over the Zoom thing feels sleazy. I don't know, maybe I just don't like it because it's unfamiliar.

Normally, this would be the most obvious thing in the world -- just talk to her before or after class. But now it's a pandemic and nobody actually has a book on pandemics.

good idea. What could possibly go wrong?

 

[TopShelf86]

My relationship advice as a 33 year old male, been in a couple serious relationships, been in love, experienced all the highs and lows, stay single and get a few f*** buddies.

For real....I've all but given up on the whole "finding someone" thing at least around here in the NYC metro area

I am however planning to move down south or out west in 10-12 months so I figured perhaps the caliber of girl is different. In terms of less entitled brats and more wholesome girls.

Having a rotation is definitely good albeit exhausting at times. Having to keep up with texting convos...having to get ready when sometimes youd rather just stay in etc...
I'm more of the loner type who can get along with others
I'd just rather be by myself most of the time.

If there are any younger guys on this thread I can not stress enough how important and liberating it is to find things outside of women that fulfill you when your not filling her I'm only 34 but really learned this over the last few years just how crucial it is to you and your happiness. Whatever it is, doesnt matter. Something substantial and constructive. I'm involved in a few aspects of Art, I was playing in hockey leagues...

You guys ever watch those camping videos on youtube of the guys camp solo. Say nothing but explore, cook, build fires etc. THATS LIVIN
I'm fixing to do that this fall. Something I NEVER would've done years ago when I thought my only function was to find a girl, make her happy (HA! lol) and be in a "relationship"...I'm not downplaying it. I appreciate and recognize the value of it....its just ya know how girls are now...I'm sure I dont gotta explain.

Explore boys...it took me a while to TRULY understand there's a whole world out there with PLENTY. And it's not worth trading for the of majority of these uppity, entitled brats. There are good ones but few and far between of course.

I'll end with this.
Never be her 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th option...
Be YOUR first priority......cheers

 

[usekakkorightquinn]

Relationships are a pain in the ass. Make some good money, make some good investments, buy a nice car, a nice house, drink on occasion, watch on line porn and don't be stupid enough to get married. Kids can be great but they are expensive and are a pain in the ass as well. My GF is like a second job. I didn't want my first job which actually pays me money instead of costing me money. It's nice to have somebody to do things with but as the decades have rolled by I think people have less and less of a clue how to date and have moronic expectations of their partner. It's becoming less and less fun to be in a relationship because people have less and less tolerance for each other. That and they lack respect for each other.

 

[TopShelf86]

Relationships are a pain in the ass. Make some good money, make some good investments, buy a nice car, a nice house, drink on occasion, watch on line porn and don't be stupid enough to get married. Kids can be great but they are expensive and are a pain in the ass as well. My GF is like a second job. I didn't want my first job which actually pays me money instead of costing me money. It's nice to have somebody to do things with but as the decades have rolled by I think people have less and less of a clue how to date and have moronic expectations of their partner. It's becoming less and less fun to be in a relationship because people have less and less tolerance for each other. That and they lack respect for each other.

Well. F'n. Said.

 

[NYSPORTS]

Relationships are a pain in the ass. Make some good money, make some good investments, buy a nice car, a nice house, drink on occasion, watch on line porn and don't be stupid enough to get married. Kids can be great but they are expensive and are a pain in the ass as well. My GF is like a second job. I didn't want my first job which actually pays me money instead of costing me money. It's nice to have somebody to do things with but as the decades have rolled by I think people have less and less of a clue how to date and have moronic expectations of their partner. It's becoming less and less fun to be in a relationship because people have less and less tolerance for each other. That and they lack respect for each other.

and make sure if you’re dating they aren’t an Islander fan

 

[YoSoyLalo]

For real....I've all but given up on the whole "finding someone" thing at least around here in the NYC metro area

I am however planning to move down south or out west in 10-12 months so I figured perhaps the caliber of girl is different. In terms of less entitled brats and more wholesome girls.

Having a rotation is definitely good albeit exhausting at times. Having to keep up with texting convos...having to get ready when sometimes youd rather just stay in etc...
I'm more of the loner type who can get along with others
I'd just rather be by myself most of the time.

If there are any younger guys on this thread I can not stress enough how important and liberating it is to find things outside of women that fulfill you when your not filling her I'm only 34 but really learned this over the last few years just how crucial it is to you and your happiness. Whatever it is, doesnt matter. Something substantial and constructive. I'm involved in a few aspects of Art, I was playing in hockey leagues...

You guys ever watch those camping videos on youtube of the guys camp solo. Say nothing but explore, cook, build fires etc. THATS LIVIN
I'm fixing to do that this fall. Something I NEVER would've done years ago when I thought my only function was to find a girl, make her happy (HA! lol) and be in a "relationship"...I'm not downplaying it. I appreciate and recognize the value of it....its just ya know how girls are now...I'm sure I dont gotta explain.

Explore boys...it took me a while to TRULY understand there's a whole world out there with PLENTY. And it's not worth trading for the of majority of these uppity, entitled brats. There are good ones but few and far between of course.

I'll end with this.
Never be her 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th option...
Be YOUR first priority......cheers

All that comes to mind when I read this post

I’m just curious what constitutes a “wholesome” girl as opposed to “a brat”.

 

[Thirty One]

I’m just curious what constitutes a “wholesome” girl as opposed to “a brat”.

The main factor is wholesomeness IMO.

 

[Krams]

I’m just curious what constitutes a “wholesome” girl as opposed to “a brat”.

Not difficult to discern if you've been involved with both types of people. Wouldn't use the word "brat". Someone who's healthy for you vs. someone who is destructive.

 

[YoSoyLalo]

Not difficult to discern if you've been involved with both types of people. Wouldn't use the word "brat". Someone who's healthy for you vs. someone who is destructive.

I suppose you could view it that way, but seeing stuff like “there are good ones but few and far in between of course” , as well as “I guess the girls where I live are *large generalization*, in conjunction with the “wholesome/brat” thing comes off as extremely incel-ish and frankly derogatory. Tht post is a big red flag and I don’t think moving south is gonna help that guy find more “wholesome” girls. I think he’s going to realize that his expectations of women are the issue.

well one would hope he does that and doesn’t default to “women bad!!!” Instead

 

[TopShelf86]

I suppose you could view it that way, but seeing stuff like “there are good ones but few and far in between of course” , as well as “I guess the girls where I live are *large generalization*, in conjunction with the “wholesome/brat” thing comes off as extremely incel-ish and frankly derogatory. Tht post is a big red flag and I don’t think moving south is gonna help that guy find more “wholesome” girls. I think he’s going to realize that his expectations of women are the issue.

well one would hope he does that and doesn’t default to “women bad!!!” Instead

Dude are you serious?
We're just guys talking about relationships/women. I'm being honest.
And you try and shame me but saying my words are "incel-ish"?
That's a real b*tch thing to do. Something a woman would do. Not a man.
How the hell do you know how many girls I sleep with? If you knew then that would be the opposite of incel. No?

Also, i never stated that girls are the sole reason I'm moving. How do you know it's not for a new job opportunity and change of scenery?
Through trying to shame me you've shown what you're all about.
No true man shames another for being honest. That's a women's go to because well...that's all they got.

What dont you u understand about the word "wholesome"
Maybe idk girls that dont consider Cardi B their personal hero and live on the IG DM with hoards of Simps begging for attention.
Perhaps your projecting?

I'd reassess my thinking if I were you. Carry on

 

[Krams]

I suppose you could view it that way, but seeing stuff like “there are good ones but few and far in between of course” , as well as “I guess the girls where I live are *large generalization*, in conjunction with the “wholesome/brat” thing comes off as extremely incel-ish and frankly derogatory. Tht post is a big red flag and I don’t think moving south is gonna help that guy find more “wholesome” girls. I think he’s going to realize that his expectations of women are the issue.

well one would hope he does that and doesn’t default to “women bad!!!” Instead

He could have phrased things more tastefully but intuitively I would expect people from different geographic areas of the country have different values, and logically that extends to relationships and dating as well. Didn't necessarily observe this relative to dating, but I definitely noticed a shift in values when I lived in Albany county for a few years as opposed to NYC metro. I don't really like it down here. Will move back up when I am able.

 

[YoSoyLalo]

Dude are you serious?
We're just guys talking about relationships/women. I'm being honest.
And you try and shame me but saying my words are "incel-ish"?
That's a real b*tch thing to do. Something a woman would do. Not a man.
How the hell do you know how many girls I sleep with? If you knew then that would be the opposite of incel. No?

Also, i never stated that girls are the sole reason I'm moving. How do you know it's not for a new job opportunity and change of scenery?
Through trying to shame me you've shown what you're all about.
No true man shames another for being honest. That's a women's go to because well...that's all they got.

What dont you u understand about the word "wholesome"
Maybe idk girls that dont consider Cardi B their personal hero and live on the IG DM with hoards of Simps begging for attention.
Perhaps your projecting?

I'd reassess my thinking if I were you. Carry on

This post makes it very obvious you’re just a misogynist. “That’s something a woman would do. Not a man” just yikes

have fun moving and finding that “wholesome” girl dude

also your post read as incel-ish. I don’t care if you’ve slept with a million women. It wouldn’t change how it came off.

 

[Trxjw]

This post makes it very obvious you’re just a misogynist. “That’s something a woman would do. Not a man” just yikes

have fun moving and finding that “wholesome” girl dude

also your post read as incel-ish. I don’t care if you’ve slept with a million women. It wouldn’t change how it came off.

Certainly not defending the obvious misogyny here but there's a difference between "Incels" and the whole MGTOW / red-pill thing. I think it's an important distinction to make because, as you can see, people tend to feel attacked when their beliefs are challenged and it's hard to have a conversation.

Incels = Women are worthless because they won't sleep with me. I'm owed sex because I was nice to you. Time to run people over with a van.. blah blah.
Red Pill / MGTOW = I feel like most women just wreck my life and don't adhere to my standard of a "good woman" so I'm going to "go my own way" and do whatever that entails. Things were better when women stayed home. Feminism is a scourge on our society.. blah blah.

Not all people in those buckets fall into the extremes of course, but the more we alienate them the further they drift towards those extremes.

 

[YoSoyLalo]

Certainly not defending the obvious misogyny here but there's a difference between "Incels" and the whole MGTOW / red-pill thing. I think it's an important distinction to make because, as you can see, people tend to feel attacked when their beliefs are challenged and it's hard to have a conversation.

Incels = Women are worthless because they won't sleep with me. I'm owed sex because I was nice to you. Time to run people over with a van.. blah blah.
Red Pill / MGTOW = I feel like most women just wreck my life and don't adhere to my standard of a "good woman" so I'm going to "go my own way" and do whatever that entails. Things were better when women stayed home. Feminism is a scourge on our society.. blah blah.

Not all people in those buckets fall into the extremes of course, but the more we alienate them the further they drift towards those extremes.

I’ve heard of MGTOW but just looked it up and never knew it stood for “men going their own way” lmao

anyway yeah there is a difference between the two but some of their “ideologies” certainly overlap which can make it tough to differentiate, and they certainly talk very similarly

now that you’ve pointed it out, yeah I’d say it’s the MGTOW type misogyny over the incel type misogyny.

 

[Trxjw]

I’ve heard of MGTOW but just looked it up and never knew it stood for “men going their own way” lmao

anyway yeah there is a difference between the two but some of their “ideologies” certainly overlap which can make it tough to differentiate, and they certainly talk very similarly

now that you’ve pointed it out, yeah I’d say it’s the MGTOW type misogyny over the incel type misogyny.

There's overlap for sure. I had a good friend of mine recommend the MGTOW stuff to me when I got out of a LTR. He'd gone through a bad divorce and was really bitter. Read up on it and felt like I had to talk him back before he went too far down the rabbit hole. Unfortunately it didn't work and now he's not only shifted in his view towards women but his political leanings have changed as well. So much to the point that he no longer associates himself with our original group of friends. Hence why I think it's important to try and understand where people are coming from instead of pushing them further away.

Some of it is good advice in the sense that it encourages guys to work on themselves and find purpose and meaning in their life beyond their relationships. However, a lot of it is just really bitter guys telling other bitter guys that they aren't bitter enough. That women are the root of almost all of their problems and that the modern woman isn't worthy of their time. No coincidence that it's all deeply tied to conservatism and anti-feminism. Also tons of overlap between that and the "game" culture for meeting women.

Unfortunately a lot of it is tied up in masculinity. Guys are conditioned that men only talk to men about the bad parts of their relationships. So the guys that are happy in their relationships aren't out there with YouTube channels singing the praises of how awesome it is to be married or be a Dad or sharing their success stories about marrying a single mom. It's just guys out there slinging the opposite and making fistfuls of money off of other guys who are angry and can't find support anywhere other than online. Largely in part due to the culture that they're now perpetuating.

 

[YoSoyLalo]

There's overlap for sure. I had a good friend of mine recommend the MGTOW stuff to me when I got out of a LTR. He'd gone through a bad divorce and was really bitter. Read up on it and felt like I had to talk him back before he went too far down the rabbit hole. Unfortunately it didn't work and now he's not only shifted in his view towards women but his political leanings have changed as well. So much to the point that he no longer associates himself with our original group of friends. Hence why I think it's important to try and understand where people are coming from instead of pushing them further away.

Some of it is good advice in the sense that it encourages guys to work on themselves and find purpose and meaning in their life beyond their relationships. However, a lot of it is just really bitter guys telling other bitter guys that they aren't bitter enough. That women are the root of almost all of their problems and that the modern woman isn't worthy of their time. No coincidence that it's all deeply tied to conservatism and anti-feminism. Also tons of overlap between that and the "game" culture for meeting women.

Unfortunately a lot of it is tied up in masculinity. Guys are conditioned that men only talk to men about the bad parts of their relationships. So the guys that are happy in their relationships aren't out there with YouTube channels singing the praises of how awesome it is to be married or be a Dad or sharing their success stories about marrying a single mom. It's just guys out there slinging the opposite and making fistfuls of money off of other guys who are angry and can't find support anywhere other than online. Largely in part due to the culture that they're now perpetuating.

Great post. Nailed the issue on the head. the layers tht lead to this type of thinking run deep.

I wish men would be allowed to be more vulnerable in the public eye but most of our society still isn’t ready to view men as vulnerable beings. This is one of the reasons these men struggle so hard. Asking for advice or expressing non angry emotion is a sign of “weakness”.

And it should be noted that there’s a subsect of women who similarly act like all men are the problem, not them, and it’s just as bad as the MGTOW/Incel communities.

this belief tht either men or women are mostly bad is damaging, and it’s only hurting the person who holds the belief in the end. I don’t know how anyone can be like “why can’t I find a partner!!!” when they spend all of their time hating on the gender of the partner they want. The pure lack of self awareness

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Certainly not defending the obvious misogyny here but there's a difference between "Incels" and the whole MGTOW / red-pill thing. I think it's an important distinction to make because, as you can see, people tend to feel attacked when their beliefs are challenged and it's hard to have a conversation.

Incels = Women are worthless because they won't sleep with me. I'm owed sex because I was nice to you. Time to run people over with a van.. blah blah.
Red Pill / MGTOW = I feel like most women just wreck my life and don't adhere to my standard of a "good woman" so I'm going to "go my own way" and do whatever that entails. Things were better when women stayed home. Feminism is a scourge on our society.. blah blah.

Not all people in those buckets fall into the extremes of course, but the more we alienate them the further they drift towards those extremes.

If we're acknowledging bitter men that become misogynists can we acknowledge bitter women that become misandrists? Sure due to physical strength men in that situation are more dangerous, but it doesn't mean this conversation has to be this one sided. Sometimes in today's gender politics I feel like all men are evil predators and all women are helpless victims when we know this isn't the case.

Edit: MiG actually brought that up. Thank you. All I wanted is an acknowledgement that 50% of the population isn't completely innocent and the other 50% isn't all evil.

 

[Trxjw]

Great post. Nailed the issue on the head. the layers tht lead to this type of thinking run deep.

I wish men would be allowed to be more vulnerable in the public eye but most of our society still isn’t ready to view men as vulnerable beings. This is one of the reasons these men struggle so hard. Asking for advice or expressing non angry emotion is a sign of “weakness”.

And it should be noted that there’s a subsect of women who similarly act like all men are the problem, not them, and it’s just as bad as the MGTOW/Incel communities.

this belief tht either men or women are mostly bad is damaging, and it’s only hurting the person who holds the belief in the end. I don’t know how anyone can be like “why can’t I find a partner!!!” when they spend all of their time hating on the gender of the partner they want. The pure lack of self awareness

Absolutely. There are extremes amongst both sexes and too many people judging each side by the extremes as well. That's become far too common in our society as a whole. Politically, racially, religiously, socially, and sexually; we view people at the extremes of their group instead of actually listening to people and trying to understand them.

 

[Trxjw]

If we're acknowledging bitter men that become misogynists can we acknowledge bitter women that become misandrists? Sure due to physical strength men in that situation are more dangerous, but it doesn't mean this conversation has to be this one sided. Sometimes in today's gender politics I feel like all men are evil predators and all women are helpless victims when we know this isn't the case.

Edit: MiG actually brought that up. Thank you. All I wanted is an acknowledgement that 50% of the population isn't completely innocent and the other 50% isn't all evil.

Yup. It happens to both sexes. The echo-chamber exists for men and for women and I think there are issues that women get more of a pass on the same as there are issues where men tend to get a pass. It's not a binary issue by any stretch and even the most well-intentioned movements can go awry now and then.

I just think the red pill movement is conditioning men to only want a certain subset of women, while they're in turn lamenting women for only wanting a certain subset of guys. I can see where they're coming from but I think too many people in that community are not only widening that gap, but they're monetizing the gap as well.

 

[Lion Hound]

Mike Damone had the best relationship advice ever...

 

[Machinehead]

Nope.. You need to be very careful in the work environment.
What if she's part psycho like you and ends up labeling you and you lose your job over it?

That type of label never goes away..

Wait until you're in person.
The online thing is creepy to begin with ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE'S YOUR STUDENT so don't go there.
What are you..f***ing Ross?! Lol

That said.. You will know when a woman is interested in you by the way they act around you and more importantly by their body language.

Does she laugh at your dumb jokes?
Does she play with her hair?
Does she touch her neck?
Do her eyes become dilated?
Do her feet point in your direction when you're talking to her?

These are all subconscious signs/ movements that lets you know that someone is into you.

If none of them apply, move on but don't do anything stupid online unless you're drinking and posting on HF

Psychology 101.. You're welcome, creep

I know you would have absolutely no idea what an MA program is but she's not my student.

 

[Machinehead]

Maybe I read it differently than you guys, but I’m pretty sure they are both students in his MA classes and he’s not trying to pick up one of his students. Could be wrong.

As a teacher, I am often appalled by the reading comprehension level on here. Good work, sir.

 

[will1066]

As a teacher, I am often appalled by the reading comprehension level on here. Good work, sir.

Well, I knew this would come up. I admit that I did read it twice to realize that you weren't looking for a student-teacher relationship.

 

[Machinehead]

Well, I knew this would come up. I admit that I did read it twice to realize that you weren't looking for a student-teacher relationship.

You guys need to come to my lectures. I'll have you reading things backwards.