I guess this is as good of a place as any to write about health...
I woke up at around 4:40 this morning, puffy eyes (slept over 6 hours, so not bad) and with a need to urinate. I forgot to go to the bathroom before falling asleep. As I walk to the bathroom, I can hardly see due to the puffiness of my eyes. From my point of view, feels like I'm twice my usual height. I fix my vision by playing with my eyelids, urinate and I feel my heart pounding through my chest as my stomach is making these loud churning noises. I stare at my face a second time through the mirror, and realize the puffiness under my eyelids subsided. I blow my nose and blood shoots everywhere from my right nostril. I spray blood all over the sink, even on the back wall. I start panicking, clean the wall and sink, clog my nose with a tissue, and walk back to my room. I feel a small headache, but god damn my heart is hammer-punching my chest and it feels as though I'm about to lose the battle. A familiar sense of doom engulfs me. Battle? Yeah.. I'm losing alright. But, against what or whom am I fighting really? I reach out for my phone and attempt to calculate my heart rate, timer already set to 30 seconds from previous verifications throughout the years. My first and second attempts are unsuccessful, as I can't focus on my neck pulse, thoughts coming and going sporadically. 56-57-58-59-60... the sound of the timer alarm dimly goes. Alright 120 bpm resting rate. Could be worse...
Long story short, I spoke with a nurse, describing my symptoms and feelings. I tested my sugar level a few days prior (thanks to my dad) and blood pressure this morning and the readings were right where they should be. I've been through a lot of anxiety during this pandemic, and decided a week ago to work on myself, shed weight and adopt a better diet. Lifestyle changes are things I can control. My dad's alcoholism (few months sober now and attending Polish AA meetings finally), my mom's health problems (mental and physical), and some other elements, I sadly must come to the realization I cannot. I currently feel a tad bit drained, a little headache, but I believe it all points to a solid panic attack experienced earlier in the morning.
All this to say I cannot wait to get vaccinated and have one less thing to worry about. I'm grateful for HFBoards and everyone on here, whether we share the same point of views or are oceans apart. Much love and let's keep our heads up.