All Purpose Trade / Roster Building Thread VI - We have goalies, but can they stay healthy?

[Tryamw]

Those hot dogs in the cup look delicious

I'd eat a hot dog from the cup.. Closest I'd ever get to the hockey holy grail.. Preferable a freshly cleaned cup since well people put kids and alcohol in there.. and I'm sure there have been a few accidents.

 

[bleedgreen]

Truth is, hockey is primarily a skill game and you don't absolutely have to be an all-round phenomenal athlete in order to work those skills. Given strong enough abilities with skates and stick, and well-developed underlying musculature in specific parts of the body, someone with a dad bod can be an elite hockey player. This ain't basketball or soccer when it comes to pure athleticism.

NHL marketing office does a lot of work to pretend otherwise, but it's just a reality of the sport.

I think that’s fairly true with the elite to borderline elite talents. All the guys grinding it out to be role players have to be at their very best. I’ve seen both Sakic and Ozolinsh in person, and you’d have believed they were pro soccer players before hockey players. So slender and wiry, which to be that slinky scorer makes sense. No bulk and all athleticism. Forsberg in person looks like a Viking warrior chief. Each leg was two of mine.

Gretzky was built like a baby bird. Lemieux smoked between periods. It was a different time though.

Phil is a beauty. I can’t think of anyone that’s like THAT. The pic with the Stanley cups and the hot dogs is one of my all time favorite hockey images.

 

[Stickpucker]

Ovi had a pretty profound July gut in them pics a couple of years back.

Eating that much borscht filled with cabbage will make anyone's gut huge.

 

[Roboturner913]

Phil reminds me of some dudes I played football with, defensive linemen. I was just a skinny turd pounding protein drinks and killing myself lifting, just to keep up enough muscle mass to get through the season. And I was only a special teamer. These assholes would come in eating like handfuls of Twinkies and candy, never bother lifting, f*** around all week. And then go out on gameday and throw around other human beings their size like they were beach balls. Pissed everybody off

 

[Surrounded By Ahos]

I think that’s fairly true with the elite to borderline elite talents. All the guys grinding it out to be role players have to be at their very best. I’ve seen both Sakic and Ozolinsh in person, and you’d have believed they were pro soccer players before hockey players. So slender and wiry, which to be that slinky scorer makes sense. No bulk and all athleticism. Forsberg in person looks like a Viking warrior chief. Each leg was two of mine.

Gretzky was built like a baby bird. Lemieux smoked between periods. It was a different time though.

Phil is a beauty. I can’t think of anyone that’s like THAT. The pic with the Stanley cups and the hot dogs is one of my all time favorite hockey images.

Yeah, Phil's great. I should have made it clear in my earlier post that I wasn't trying to disparage him at all. He's just such a fantastic contrast to my mental image of a 'typical' NHL player. He seems like a genuinely good dude who's a bit goofy (not unlike Dougie), and he definitely leans into it, which is awesome. Him sitting alone at the all star draft because he got picked last was hilarious.

 

[Lempo]

The tweet about him having a vague feeling like he should be somewhere was peak awesome.

 

[Stickpucker]

I know people make fun of Phil, but he has a condition that he can’t treat while playing hockey, I think he would be fine with Rod.

Can you elaborate?

 

[Stickpucker]

Honestly, Phil is a good personality and I can see some of the goofyness in him....not Jordo goofy but Douglas goofy where he'd boop someone on the head.

 

[LakeLivin]

Kessel has a very fat face (I wonder if that might be due to the condition Unsustainable referred to?). Gotta believe that affects peoples overall perception of his physique. These images from the neck down don't look all that out of line for an NHL player to me. Ok, the one with the puck a bit, but the hot dog one not at all.

 

[cptjeff]

Kessel has a very fat face (I wonder if that might be due to the condition Unsustainable referred to?). Gotta believe that affects peoples overall perception of his physique. These images from the neck down don't look all that out of line for an NHL player to me. Ok, the one with the puck a bit, but the hot dog one not at all.

View attachment 459008

Nah bro. In the first photo, he looks about like I do, and I'm mildly overweight. In that second photo, he looks significantly overweight. Way, way fatter than I am. Even without the fat face, he looks fat.

 

[raynman]

Nah bro. In the first photo, he looks about like I do, and I'm mildly overweight. In that second photo, he looks significantly overweight. Way, way fatter than I am. Even without the fat face, he looks fat.

If that’s significantly overweight then I’m absolutely never posting my picture on hfboards

 

[htdoc]

If that’s significantly overweight then I’m absolutely never posting my picture on hfboards

Ditto

 

[Big Daddy Cane]

If that’s significantly overweight then I’m absolutely never posting my picture on hfboards

You mean you’re not Kool-Aid man!?

 

[htdoc]

Its the quads and glutes that usually give it away moreso than any upper body shape.. the type of exercise involved in playing the game at these levels doesn't really lend itself to some muscles up upper body. Rod is famous because of him being unusual amongst hockey players to be the more extreme end of the body shape. But the legs are usually a dead giveaway on most of the players, even the ones we think are doughboys

 

[tarheelhockey]

I think that’s fairly true with the elite to borderline elite talents. All the guys grinding it out to be role players have to be at their very best. I’ve seen both Sakic and Ozolinsh in person, and you’d have believed they were pro soccer players before hockey players. So slender and wiry, which to be that slinky scorer makes sense. No bulk and all athleticism. Forsberg in person looks like a Viking warrior chief. Each leg was two of mine.

Gretzky was built like a baby bird. Lemieux smoked between periods. It was a different time though.

Phil is a beauty. I can’t think of anyone that’s like THAT. The pic with the Stanley cups and the hot dogs is one of my all time favorite hockey images.

Yep, it's definitely necessary to point out that the dad-bod guys are also some of the most naturally gifted players in the world. These are not guys who had to fight their way past a bunch of Rudys just to make the roster. They're the ones who have never not been the most talented guy in the room, with the possible exception of Kessel playing with Sid.

In Kessel's case specifically, no sarcasm when I say he's probably a lot more muscular than he looks, but it's under a layer of fat.

 

[Unsustainable]

Can you elaborate?

Must see: Two time Stanley Cup Champion opens up

Testicular Cancer, he’s not producing Testosterone like a normal athlete, he can’t take TRT since it’s considered a performance enhancing drug.

 

[LakeLivin]

Nah bro. In the first photo, he looks about like I do, and I'm mildly overweight. In that second photo, he looks significantly overweight. Way, way fatter than I am. Even without the fat face, he looks fat.

For your consideration:

Spoiler

The guy in gray is Brindy. Granted, it's circa 2020, but still, it's Brindy.

 

[bleedgreen]

Must see: Two time Stanley Cup Champion opens up

Testicular Cancer, he’s not producing Testosterone like a normal athlete, he can’t take TRT since it’s considered a performance enhancing drug.

Hey there’s a narrative here you’re messing with. Hot dogs in his pockets everywhere he goes is the Phil everyone is most comfortable with. There’s no need to ever mention the fact he went through cancer as a professional hockey player!

He’d prefer you to believe he’s a fat hot dog loving kid anyways I suspect.

 

[Unsustainable]

Hey there’s a narrative here you’re messing with. Hot dogs in his pockets everywhere he goes is the Phil everyone is most comfortable with. There’s no need to ever mention the fact he went through cancer as a professional hockey player!

He’d prefer you to believe he’s a fat hot dog loving kid anyways I suspect.

Well I have the same issue as Phil in loving hot dogs and not producing T.

 

[Lempo]

Ditto

"Ditto"? "Ditto", you provincial putz?

 

[Canes]

If loving hot dogs is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

 

[ndp]

Phil reminds me of some dudes I played football with, defensive linemen. I was just a skinny turd pounding protein drinks and killing myself lifting, just to keep up enough muscle mass to get through the season. And I was only a special teamer. These assholes would come in eating like handfuls of Twinkies and candy, never bother lifting, f*** around all week. And then go out on gameday and throw around other human beings their size like they were beach balls. Pissed everybody off

When I was cheffing for the Panthers two of the most athletic people I've ever seen in my life had two very different approaches to their athleticism.

Kris Jenkins would literally eat anything he could get his hands on. I made this guy a six egg omelette with every ingredient and topping available almost every morning. I watched him eat close to a pound of cooked protein almost every day for lunch, he would literally get a second plate for his mashed potatoes and gravy.
I catered a small Christmas party at Steve Smiths house one year and Jenkins ate five or six lobster tails and close to half of a prime rib. I've never seen a human that could put away the groceries like Jenkins. All the while the training staff used to have to beg him to hit the weight room. When we went down to training camp in Spartanburg he bought himself a golf cart so he didn't have to walk from the dorms to the practice field everyday. 4 x Pro Bowler.

Mr. Julius Peppers, the absolute most athletic person I've ever seen up close and personal. Very strict diet, egg white omelettes every morning, tons of veggies light cheese. Was one of the first players to show up in the morning so he could get a workout before everyone else got there. Just a pure athletic human specimen, insanely dedicated to his profession. 9 x Pro Bowler.

Both guys were fairly dominant at their positions during my time with the Panthers.

All that to say. I would love to see Phil The Thrill Kessel in a Hurricanes uniform. He's the type of pure goal scorer this team could use. Even if he is a little long in the tooth, and he's definitely more of a Kris Jenkins than a Julius Peppers.

 

[Canes]

When I was cheffing for the Panthers two of the most athletic people I've ever seen in my life had two very different approaches to their athleticism.

Kris Jenkins would literally eat anything he could get his hands on. I made this guy a six egg omelette with every ingredient and topping available almost every morning. I watched him eat close to a pound of cooked protein almost every day for lunch, he would literally get a second plate for his mashed potatoes and gravy.
I catered a small Christmas party at Steve Smiths house one year and Jenkins ate five or six lobster tails and close to half of a prime rib. I've never seen a human that could put away the groceries like Jenkins. All the while the training staff used to have to beg him to hit the weight room. When we went down to training camp in Spartanburg he bought himself a golf cart so he didn't have to walk from the dorms to the practice field everyday. 4 x Pro Bowler.

Mr. Julius Peppers, the absolute most athletic person I've ever seen up close and personal. Very strict diet, egg white omelettes every morning, tons of veggies light cheese. Was one of the first players to show up in the morning so he could get a workout before everyone else got there. Just a pure athletic human specimen, insanely dedicated to his profession. 9 x Pro Bowler.

Both guys were fairly dominant at their positions during my time with the Panthers.

All that to say. I would love to see Phil The Thrill Kessel in a Hurricanes uniform. He's the type of pure goal scorer this team could use. Even if he is a little long in the tooth, and he's definitely more of a Kris Jenkins than a Julius Peppers.

Jenkins played nose tackle which back in the day it wouldn't be outrageous for players in that position to have a target weight of 330+ lbs. It takes an absolutely insane amount of calories to keep that weight on during the season even for guys that love to eat.

Peppers, I'm not too surprised about either considering the type of edge rusher he was, combined with his career longevity. His game was predicated more on speed than power so he had to keep the weight down.

Even Tom Brady credits a lot of his longevity to keeping a strict diet.

 

[Lempo]

My kidneys are kinda shot, but I've got a relatively low-mileage spleen and a gallbladder to offer.

And a prostate, if you can find it. Pretty sure they don't transplant those though

Goddamnit, Robo.

 

[Roboturner913]

you wouldn't be able to find it *that* way

It's probably in a jar of formaldehyde in some lab somewhere. Or whatever they do with the busted shit they take out of people.