To: Blues Hockey <
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From: Multimoodia <
[email protected]>
CC: HFBoards - Blues; Armstrong, Doug <
[email protected]>; Hitchcock, Ken <
[email protected]>; Shaw, Brad <
[email protected]>; Muller, Kirk <
[email protected]>; Bennett, Ray <
[email protected]>; Ayotte, Nelson <
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Subject: Vancouver Game - 10/23/2014
Good day guys,
I know you're all sick and exhausted and already missing Paul Stastny's presence and possibly Cody Beach's...
je ne sais quoi but I'm going to have to ask you for a minute or two of your time.
Tonight you are going to play the Vancouver Canucks. In part due to the re-alignment you no longer really have much in the way of a rivalry with them and as such it's easy to dismiss this as just another game. Sure there's the desire to show Ryan Miller that his decision to play less than the absolute best of his ability and re-sign with the team for $7.50/hour was a mistake...but without Kesler there the old strong dislike of the team is probably greatly lessened. Plus with the upcoming Blackhawks game it's pretty easy to look past a team that is likely going to struggle a bit this year and isn't even beyond a 50% chance of getting to the playoffs.
I understand this. I really do.
I.
Don't.
Care.
I need this to be a beating of levels previously thought preposterous. I need you guys to not just shake their confidence in being a cohesive team, I need them broke of their very (questionable) humanity. At the end of this game I need them, every one of them from the towel boy up to the freaky alien twins, to need to examine themselves in the mirror carefully for the next 12 months. Trying to ascertain whether or not the souls they thought they had have in fact been left broken and torn asunder.
I need their entire fanbase and gnash their teeth and weep with the realization that their team has been systemically destroyed in the most basic, atomic way possible. I need them to weep in sorrow and horror in the aftermath of something more terrible than a zombie apocalypse taking out every fricking coffee house and eating all the weed.
I want the team, the people and that city broken. Lifeless. The team reduced to soulless husks, the fans reduced to zombies and the city reduced to rubble after the people realize the utter hopelessness and futility that was their lives of rooting for the Canucks.
Then, when that's all over I'll rent a large airplane and salt the land that was once Vancouver to ensure it is never used again.
Also if I fail to get another email to you before Saturday, beat Chicago too. Apply all of the above commentary to that stain on NHL history that is the Blackhawks as well.
Yours in hockey,
Multimoodia
P.S.
Remember Mr. Reaves, if we don't see some improvement from you in one of your assigned roles the future legend that is Cody Beach is just percolating in the minors.