Best Hockey Chirps

[CookieCrumbs*]

Just the standard homophobic and racist slurs in my league.

This made me laugh.

 

[Kanye]

'ya mad that the NHL isn't calling you back?'

 

[Tuff Gong]

As a referee, sometimes we can get some words in. Here's one that I used on the assistant coach of a college team. The home team had it's pep band in the stands. I was refereeing and I gave a major penalty to a home team player for checking the visiting team's goalie into the end boards and the goalie received a cut to his head. When the major was announced and I was skating back to my position for the faceoff, the assistant coach of the home team was standing on the bench, hollering at me and waving his arms all over the place. I skated over to him, looked up at him and pointing to the pep band, I said, "If you want to conduct the band, go up into the band section, otherwise get off the bench and be quiet." The players on his bench started laughing and the head coach, who was at the other end of the bench, walked over, looked up at him and told him to get down.

Haha, that's really good.

 

[shawn1331]

Personal favourite.

Line up as a winger on a faceoff and when your both bent over waiting for the puck look the guy dead in the eyes, say "I'm gay" and then slap his ass.

2 outcomes, he either swings a punch at you and gets a penalty, or he stands straight up in shock and misses the puckdrop allowing you to go in free. Classic.


I'm not gay.

 

[jorbjorb]

Just the standard homophobic and racist slurs in my league.

x2 this

 

[shorre]

To someone who chirps you wearing a visor " roll down your window I can't hear you".

 

[RJ8812*]

As a referee, sometimes we can get some words in. Here's one that I used on the assistant coach of a college team. The home team had it's pep band in the stands. I was refereeing and I gave a major penalty to a home team player for checking the visiting team's goalie into the end boards and the goalie received a cut to his head. When the major was announced and I was skating back to my position for the faceoff, the assistant coach of the home team was standing on the bench, hollering at me and waving his arms all over the place. I skated over to him, looked up at him and pointing to the pep band, I said, "If you want to conduct the band, go up into the band section, otherwise get off the bench and be quiet." The players on his bench started laughing and the head coach, who was at the other end of the bench, walked over, looked up at him and told him to get down.

best one in this thread by far

 

[Gino 14]

As a referee, sometimes we can get some words in. Here's one that I used on the assistant coach of a college team. The home team had it's pep band in the stands. I was refereeing and I gave a major penalty to a home team player for checking the visiting team's goalie into the end boards and the goalie received a cut to his head. When the major was announced and I was skating back to my position for the faceoff, the assistant coach of the home team was standing on the bench, hollering at me and waving his arms all over the place. I skated over to him, looked up at him and pointing to the pep band, I said, "If you want to conduct the band, go up into the band section, otherwise get off the bench and be quiet." The players on his bench started laughing and the head coach, who was at the other end of the bench, walked over, looked up at him and told him to get down.

best one in the thread

 

[mbhhofr]

Hey Ref you must be pregnant. You missed to periods!

Truth is stranger than fiction. I did miss two periods.

My partner and I were flying from Minneapolis to Grand Forks for a week-end series at UND. We couldn't land at Grand Forks because of surface winds and we went on to Minot. We called the Commissioner and told him about the problem and he said that he would have replacement officials ready in case we couldn't make it. On the flight back, the pilot tried to land at Grand Forks again but there were still surface winds and we continued back to Minneapolis. We were able to get a later flight and landed in Grand Forks. UND had a police car waiting for us and with his emergency lights on, he drove us to the rink. We got there just as the 2nd period was ending. We got dressed and went out for the 3rd period and finished the game.

The next night, during the 1st period, I was getting set to take a face-off in front of the student section and just before I dropped the puck a student leaned over the glass and shouted, "Hey ref, are you pregnant? You missed two periods." I started to laugh and had to back away from taking the face-off.

 

[adaminnj]

Truth is stranger than fiction. I did miss two periods.

My partner and I were flying from Minneapolis to Grand Forks for a week-end series at UND. We couldn't land at Grand Forks because of surface winds and we went on to Minot. We called the Commissioner and told him about the problem and he said that he would have replacement officials ready in case we couldn't make it. On the flight back, the pilot tried to land at Grand Forks again but there were still surface winds and we continued back to Minneapolis. We were able to get a later flight and landed in Grand Forks. UND had a police car waiting for us and with his emergency lights on, he drove us to the rink. We got there just as the 2nd period was ending. We got dressed and went out for the 3rd period and finished the game.

The next night, during the 1st period, I was getting set to take a face-off in front of the student section and just before I dropped the puck a student leaned over the glass and shouted, "Hey ref, are you pregnant? You missed two periods." I started to laugh and had to back away from taking the face-off.

hahaha! great story! I'll remember it next time I use the 2 period chirp.

 

[Droid6]

Last night I played against a guy that folded up like a lawn chair every time somebody touched him with their stick and there was a parade to the penalty box all night. Late in the game he came up to take a face-off against me and I told him "don't trip on the face-off" and when I won it he slashed me when I skated by (no penalty by the way).

 

[Dutchie83]

Gongshow sure helped you on those huh?

Spending 20 years playing and reffing helped a bit.

I also like,

- Hey ref, the last time I was at a circus that one at least had elephants and clowns
- Your family tree must not fork

 

[Gino 14]

I hope most of you guys play better than you chirp.

 

[mbhhofr]

This one liner developed over incidents in two games and a period of five days. I refereed a few pre Olympic games for the 1972, silver medal winning, US Olympic Hockey Team. They played a Tuesday game, that I didn't referee. In that game, their coach, Murray Williamson, wasn't happy with a call that the referee made and he threw a water bottle across the ice at the referee.

Saturday night, in a Minnesota North Star, NHL game, North Star captain, Fred Barrett slid into a goal post and broke his leg.

The Olympic team was scheduled to play a Saturday night game in Fargo against the U of North Dakota. UND was flying in from Duluth but their plane had engine problems and the game was re scheduled to Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning at 6 AM I received a call from the Manager of the US team asking me if I could catch the next flight out of Minneapolis to referee the afternoon game in Fargo because the referees, who were coming in from Winnipeg, for the Saturday night game, had prior commitments for Sunday and couldn't work their game. I said I could and I was to meet them at the hotel they were staying at when I got to Fargo. I got into Fargo and met the Manager, Williamson and a couple of others with the team in the coffee shop. I told them about Barrett breaking his leg the night before. Williamson asked me how it happened and I looked at him and said, "He tripped over a water bottle." One red face and a few laughs.

 

[radbear]

Me the Goalie: to the Ref....." Try calling a f*ing penalty. I've seen more rubber this period than your sister did in High School!!"

 

[radbear]

I also like " Hey, shoot the next one with your purse!"

This will also get you[goalie] sent to the dressing room. The next time some forward gives you a snow-shower and a scrum insues...throw a tampon or feminine pad, that you tucked in behind your goalie pad, on the ice behind the idiot and say "Hey...you dropped something...!"

 

[rinkrat22]

I also like " Hey, shoot the next one with your purse!"

This will also get you[goalie] sent to the dressing room. The next time some forward gives you a snow-shower and a scrum insues...throw a tampon or feminine pad, that you tucked in behind your goalie pad, on the ice behind the idiot and say "Hey...you dropped something...!"

who are you, ****ing Terrell Owens?

 

[Geo73]

When a guy fluffs a shot on goal I'll usually ask him if he caught his stick in his skirt. If a guy throws a weak hit on me I'll ask if his boyfriend plays hockey too.

 

[iamjs]

to me, the shorter the chirp, the better. You're not out there to tell a story. Odds are the person isn't gonna care after you've been chirping for three seconds and not even into the "good part" of the chirp.

That being said, Brad Richards' fantasy camp chirp and Rupp's "irrelevant" chirp, both from this year's 24/7, was good stuff.

 

[bigwillie]

Hit me with your purse next time you *****.

 

[SCritical]

To a goalie: "Gonna pop your water bottle...gonna pop it REAL good..."

 

[Maccas]

Only really chirped one guy who had been chirping about my puck control for two periods, I refused to comment on his skating ability (it was poor at best) until I snapped in the 2nd and when lining up for a faceoff leant in to him and said
"I've seen armless swordsmen with better edge control than you" the linesman behind me started laughing and 10 seconds later the guy got 2 mins for slashing at my ankles.
I was a little proud of it to be honest.

 

[Droid6]

You're not out there to tell a story.

What?! My best chirp ever was when I followed a guy around the ice the whole game reciting the Gettysburg Address and I didn't finish so then I followed him to the locker room and then his house and then the shower and then his bed and finally I made love to his wife in front of him and took another shower and left.

 

[Ozz]

What?! My best chirp ever was when I followed a guy around the ice the whole game reciting the Gettysburg Address and I didn't finish so then I followed him to the locker room and then his house and then the shower and then his bed and finally I made love to his wife in front of him and took another shower and left.

I could totally see sticking a guy all game and keeping on w/portions of a real long put-down. That'd be pretty funny, like an insult comic routine in short bursts. You know they'd be sick of you in no time

 

[Tuff Gong]

After a scrap and of the guy throws pillows, ask him if he plans on opening a bakery with those muffins.