Best Hockey Chirps

[ORLY]

I was taking the opening face-off and have braces (I'm 21, so it's chirp bait for sure if someone notices them).

Him: I don't like heavy metal
Me: You will in 10 seconds (while thinking "left post and in")

I won the face-off forward, skated through the defence who were caught off-guard, and rang it off the post and out of play. On the ensuing face-off he says "I didn't like that song". I lost it.

 

[STC]

I think the worst hockey chirp ever was said to me last season. Got into a scrap with some guy and when we were in the box the guy yells over at me, "you score a lot of goals, but you're an azshole".

I think I'm gonna put that on my tombstone when the time comes.

 

[Ozz]

I think the worst hockey chirp ever was said to me last season. Got into a scrap with some guy and when we were in the box the guy yells over at me, "you score a lot of goals, but you're an azshole".

I think I'm gonna put that on my tombstone when the time comes.

I took matching penalties with a team's Ahole once. While in the box he asks me how they let me in the league because I was so terrible. I had to remind him that I had 5 of my team's 6 goals vs. his team's 4 so far that night

 

[JacobBeans]

As a referee, sometimes we can get some words in. Here's one that I used on the assistant coach of a college team. The home team had it's pep band in the stands. I was refereeing and I gave a major penalty to a home team player for checking the visiting team's goalie into the end boards and the goalie received a cut to his head. When the major was announced and I was skating back to my position for the faceoff, the assistant coach of the home team was standing on the bench, hollering at me and waving his arms all over the place. I skated over to him, looked up at him and pointing to the pep band, I said, "If you want to conduct the band, go up into the band section, otherwise get off the bench and be quiet." The players on his bench started laughing and the head coach, who was at the other end of the bench, walked over, looked up at him and told him to get down.

Honestly, man. That's one of the best I've ever heard.

 

[Analyzer*]

Stealing this from another forum:

"Your mom buys sub-par groceries."

My left nut dangles more than you!

Back when I was really mature...

Does that extra chromosome weigh you down?

"Maybe when you lose that cage you'll lose your virginity, too.".

These are great.

I can't even make up any ones to even rival these.

The best I got was during the play, I went to turn lost my balance and the guy got a breakaway (this was when I was 13/14 and my d partner weighed about 250). I manage to get close to the guy, but not in time before he fires a shot off. It goes off the crossbar, so I get the puck and fire it down the ice.

The ref comes over, blows his whistle and points to the net saying it's a goal.

Me: " That didn't go in"
Ref: "It did, that's a goal"
Me: *Hits crossbar with stick* What part of that sound and the puck coming directly back into the slot makes you think it went in? The part where you're 20 feet behind the play, the part where this is your home town team ?"

Pretty lame, but not as lame as another one I did. I missed a check and the guy told me "Nice hit", so with all my wisdom I said

How about you don't move next time.

 

[Summer Rose]

I thought I had an okay one after a game a few weeks ago.

Parent (confrontationally as I was trying to walk to the dressing room): "How long have you been a referee?"
Me: "Longer than you. "

He didn't say anything back.

 

[GoldenBearHockey]

I thought I had an okay one after a game a few weeks ago.

Parent (confrontationally as I was trying to walk to the dressing room): "How long have you been a referee?"
Me: "Longer than you. "

He didn't say anything back.

LOL nice,

I always tell them that was my first game, how did it go? The other one is if they start mentioning money etc, how much etc, I tell them I don't do this for the money, it's part of my parole....

That usually shuts them up...

 

[Cursed Lemon]

Where'd you get those pads from...the, toilet store?

 

[Maccas]

Chirping is pretty frowned upon in Rec hockey over here but you do still get some that love to give it out.
I was playing a game a few months ago where I got my own back nicely on someone trying to chirp me.
He was a bit of a duster and was running his mouth quite a bit most of the game which I mostly just ignored (most coming off the bench) but early on in the 2nd period he came across our blueline and went 1 on 1 with me, he tried to put it through my legs but as I went to make the pokecheck it took a funky bounce and went behind me, he then skated on to it and promptly put a weak shot right into our goalies chest.
As he skates back to his bench he went out of his way to skate up to me and say "Man I really made you look like a pylon then!"
I was a little annoyed and a couple of shifts later again he comes across the blueline and tries the same move, this time I just stood him up and took the body he falls backwards landing right on his ass. As he looked up I just gave him a little wink and skated towards the box, he absolutely lost his ***** and jumped up taking a massive great slash at the back of my legs.
I got 2mins for checking, he got a match penalty for intent to injure!

 

[Goonzilla]

That sounds like a tough call on you. There shouldn't be any onus on you to get out of his way when he's making a move on you. I've never interpreted non checking to mean you can't play the body, rather no banging anyone into the boards or open ice hitting. I cause a few people to fall and rarely get called, because I'm not colliding into them if you know what I mean.

If someone's trying to undress you they're fair game.

 

[Maccas]

That sounds like a tough call on you. There shouldn't be any onus on you to get out of his way when he's making a move on you. I've never interpreted non checking to mean you can't play the body, rather no banging anyone into the boards or open ice hitting. I cause a few people to fall and rarely get called, because I'm not colliding into them if you know what I mean.

If someone's trying to undress you they're fair game.

To be honest I agree with you although with a lot of the rec guys over here that would be opening up a massive can of worms as so few have ever had any formal training so don't know how to safely give or even take a hit.
I wasn't subtle in the slightest in what I did and I knew that I was going to get called for it (I skated directly to the box) it was just worth it to see the look on his face!

 

[Summer Rose]

That sounds like a tough call on you. There shouldn't be any onus on you to get out of his way when he's making a move on you. I've never interpreted non checking to mean you can't play the body, rather no banging anyone into the boards or open ice hitting. I cause a few people to fall and rarely get called, because I'm not colliding into them if you know what I mean.

If someone's trying to undress you they're fair game.

My standard of enforcement for defenders on the rush (and in general) is whether they have two hands on the stick and are trying to play the puck. Also what they do with their skates. If you maintain lane and speed you can put your shoulder into him but not with a thrust, otherwise I will call that a check. Extend the arms out and it's probably a rough. If he chips the puck and you change direction or speed to impede their progress and it's interference.

 

[Martin Riggs]

A personal favorite of mine.. "Cool jersey bro"

 

[mbhhofr]

Back in 1972, I was reffing a game between the eventual Olympic Silver Medal winning US Olympic Hockey Team and the Providence Reds of the AHL. Coming off the ice after the first period, Keith "Huffer" Christianson, of the US team, who only stood about 5'6", came up to me and said, "Morley, Polano had his elbow in my ear the whole period." He was referring to defenseman Nick Polano of the Reds who stood about 6' tall. My response to him was, "Grow."

 

[STC]

Experienced a pretty bad chirp the other night. PLaying in a low level C league where all the players are mid 20s and just good enough north/south skaters to be dangerous. My team is all guys in our 30s and 40s and we only show up with 8 players at most for every game. We're all former A level, but the speed and youth of the other teams has made the league competitive.

The other night we are playing a rival team and beating them 4-2. They had some idiot on their team who spent the whole game skating by guys on my team and then cutting in front of them and throwing a shoulder back trying to make contact. Any guy on the team, even if they didn't have the puck. Thankfully he was such a tool that he rarely made contact. The rest of his game consisted of him fanning on 3 one timers and then staring at his stick blade like he was good enough to use that as an excuse.

Our best player is 32, 6'3, great hands, played overseas back in the day. Very quiet nice guy. So this idiot starts trying to take runs at him the whole 3rd period.

Then later I'm on the bench and this guy in on the bench too and he starts chriping my teammate from the bench while he is on the ice for a face off. Starts asking my teammate if he can get his autograph after the game. So I tell the guy to shut up already and he says he's talking **** cause that guy is our whole team. At the time we are winning 4-2 and that guy had all of one goal.

So I go off on the guy and start laughing at him for basically talking crap to a guy for being better than everyone else on the ice. Here they are, all in their 20s, showing up with a full bench, getting schooled by a team of 8 people with an average age of about 39 and this idiot is talking crap. I put him in his place hard, reminded him that his entire contribution to the game consisted of him running around like an idiot trying to hit people and fanning on a bunch of shots and blaming his stick. Then he called me old so I had to remind him of the score of the game and the small group of geriatrics that were kicking his butt that night.


A minute later he got out there, took another run at our big guy and the ref finally jsut tossed him. Gave him more crap about his "productive" night being over.

 

[Reverend Mayhem]

Some of these are really funny, but most of these are really awful.

 

[getzforfighting*]

Some of these are really funny, but most of these are really awful.

great input to the thread!

The best ones are sometimes the ones that are just spontaneous and almost difficult to explain. Those have been my most memorable ones. Especially when you know exactly how the other person will react.

 

[Reverend Mayhem]

great input to the thread!

The best ones are sometimes the ones that are just spontaneous and almost difficult to explain. Those have been my most memorable ones. Especially when you know exactly how the other person will react.

I know right?

The best chirps are probably the ones that are really personal and ones that posters here would not get. Those are the good ones. Others set up as bad stand-up material or are approaching cliche territory.

But the best thing you can do to your target is attack his usefulness to his team.

 

[Goonzilla]

'Hey Wee Man; can you kick yourself in the forehead for me'?

 

[10coach*]

Was reffing a bantam game tonight (13-14 year olds) and a kid was chirping about a call and we had chirped a bit all night. Finally he wasn't funny anymore and was being a *****. I replied pretty tough words for a guy who's dick doesn't even touch his underpants.

 

[SeenSchenn2]

I've seen this in here, but in my game last week, this guy came down on me (I'm a dman) and tried to make a move and completely messed up.

I ask: "Is it hard to eat without hands?"

He was so rattled.

 

[Goonzilla]

'Hey you, Alex O'Munchkin'.

 

[Crosbyfan]

Some of these are really funny, but most of these are really awful.

How about "Some of you are really funny, but most of you are really awful" as you skate by the opponents bench?

 

[Goonzilla]

Awful as in not funny, or awful as in mean?

 

[Rosen Plevneliev]

Some goof/goon was trying to start a fight with me in one of our games a couple weeks ago because I pinned the puck against the boards to kill time when we were up late in the third (beer league, run time except last 2 minutes). I wear a full cage as I've been hit in the face with sticks a couple times, and now that I'm not playing competitively I'd like to keep my teeth.

Anyways, he starts chirping me about wearing a cage calling me a pu$$y and all that as he's punching me in the face (I wasn't reacting at all). Once the refs break us up he calls me a pu$$y one last time for wearing a cage, to which I reply

"you should probably wear one too, it doesn't look like you have a dental plan"

he didn't have a reply