Best Hockey Chirps

[terranraida]

Stealing this from another forum:

"Your mom buys sub-par groceries."

I laughed my ass off in the office just now. I can picture that getting ridiculous fast.

"I heard you're a big fan of Great Value Macaroni and Cheese and Dr. Thunder"

 

[Goonzilla]

'Are you lost? The miniature golf course is across the road'.

'Which teletubby are you'? (Don't be taking yourself too seriously if you're out of shape).

Never target or go after anyone, but if anyone starts something or gets too angry or aggro then they're fair game.

I once played for a friends social team (not hockey) and was used to playing many, many levels higher than they were at, bigger, fitter, faster and stronger so the other team were pretty much fodder to me, but I don't go too hard out in that sort of situation, but just have a bit of a run around and try and make the others look better by making some play for them. This one guy on the other team was going hard out, playing dirty, spoiling for a fight and wanting to make a name for himself. I gave him a bit of a warning shot and he comes gunning for me. He was missing quite a few teeth, probably through a combination of bad dental hygiene, accident or violence.

I said to him, 'hey I'd love to fight you buddy, but you look like you've lost enough teeth already'. His own team mates all fell over laughing at him and mocking him and the guy must have felt about two feet tall.

 

[nystromshairstylist]

I've only chirped at people I'm friends with in open, my beer league divisions are too low level for anyone to chirp, but if anyone in a game did say something to me, my response would be along the lines of "I have skills, don't need to talk...just watch."

As for actual chirping in open, I carry over corny lines from my basketball playing days like after I score, I'll tell the goalie/d-men that "that shot pays my mortage", or something similar. Kind of like Larry Bird's type of razzing...

 

[Psuedo Omega]

I rarely ever chirp anyone myself, but when I was younger I loved it when someone would chirp me because I could usually get under their skin

One of my favorite responses to anyone who was obnoxiously chirping me when I was younger was "Please stop flirting with me, I'm way out of your league". That worked 90% of the time, and when it didn't I'd say things like "You realize this is a hockey game, and not couples skate right?" "Be polite and use your manners when asking for my autograph"

Loved reading most of the chirps in this thread, many classics and new ones that cracked me up.

 

[StLHokie]

"Act like you've played hockey one time before"

Works outside of hockey like a charm too.

Ex: Friend spills a beer on himself "Act like you've drank a beer one time before"

 

[Royal Canuck]

I've got a buddy who has awkward skating mechanics, so we joke around with him and call him "Bambi On Ice".

"I've seen better hands on a digital clock" is still my personal favourite.

Again, I got under people's skin back in minor hockey, but I'm much more laid back now that I'm in beer league, just out to have a good time now.

 

[Ozz]

Tonight I got "You don't even lift bro!"

It was either funny because I wouldn't be surprised at all if I could outlift anyone in the league in regards to powerlifting, or because he realized I plainly lift and wanted to irk me.

I had half my team following him saying the same thing and he was getting upset, then between periods I initiated some kindness so we'd (hopefully) be sure to not see any cheapshots come about. As we lined up, I quipped "stop chirping me in memes!" and he said "you mad bro?" - which was just perfect

 

[SCBruCrew4]

It's not much of a chirp but in my "organized pick-up league" we generally have a good time, with no one trying to relive the glory days.

Well one night I was gassed and so was a player on the other team, we were the last two guys to get back into the zone and I decided to skate past him...shortly there after I felt a tug. I looked over my shoulder to my surprise he had hook his HOCKEY stick into the back protector of my pants and was literally holding/leaning back. I immediately ripped the stick out and told him "no free rides", to which his reply was "I'll take you out on a date after if that's better!" I laughed my ass off. Also what makes this story pretty good is I weigh 165 soaking wet and he was easily 270 lol, so he had a good 100 lbs on me in weight and it just looked absolutely ridiculous on ice.

 

[Sleepy]

It's not much of a chirp but in my "organized pick-up league" we generally have a good time, with no one trying to relive the glory days.

Well one night I was gassed and so was a player on the other team, we were the last two guys to get back into the zone and I decided to skate past him...shortly there after I felt a tug. I looked over my shoulder to my surprise he had hook his HOCKEY stick into the back protector of my pants and was literally holding/leaning back. I immediately ripped the stick out and told him "no free rides", to which his reply was "I'll take you out on a date after if that's better!" I laughed my ass off. Also what makes this story pretty good is I weigh 165 soaking wet and he was easily 270 lol, so he had a good 100 lbs on me in weight and it just looked absolutely ridiculous on ice.

That is awesome.

 

[pm88]

almost all of these chirps are so G-rated makes me think it's a bunch of teenagers saying them.. not even that. The chirps I've heard are much more cruel and degrading

 

[Martin Riggs]

Racki- Hey, Sutton. Why don't you come off that bench?

Sutton- I got a regular shift.

 

[Primary Assist]

just watch the scene with Reg Dunlop talking with the other team's goalie about his wife's extra-curricular exploits

 

[flyersfan018]

Think something similar was mentioned already in this thread but whatever. In my league under 18 players need to wear full cages and there was one on the other team who checked one of our guys from behind. I told him, "you can take that helmet off when you finish puberty."

 

[Swiffer G]

Dude, your girlfriend smashed me harder than that.

My phones dead, can you charge it?

Dude your yoked! The water jug heavy?

 

[GinoLucia2217]

My collection.

"Does coach know you are out here?"
"You're the reason for dust devils"
"Nice hands feet"
"Your mom won't be the only one I've scored on tonight."

One that I use for Fabian Zuccarello (Mats Zuccarello'slittle brother that has a huge nose.

"nice shnoz"

 

[Huggy]

In Atom evaluation one year my Brother tipped in a kid's shot that was going in and he skated right over to him and told him "you suck"

 

[varano]

almost all of these chirps are so G-rated makes me think it's a bunch of teenagers saying them.. not even that. The chirps I've heard are much more cruel and degrading

A guy at a charity hockey game once told me he was going to rip my teeth out like chicklets and feed them to me.

Then he tripped over someones stick and flew into the boards and broke his arm.

 

[Ozz]

A guy at a charity hockey game once told me he was going to rip my teeth out like chicklets and feed them to me.

Then he tripped over someones stick and flew into the boards and broke his arm.

One could only hope at the time that he lost a Chiclet himself.

 

[Mr Celly]

almost all of these chirps are so G-rated makes me think it's a bunch of teenagers saying them.. not even that. The chirps I've heard are much more cruel and degrading

Teenagers chirps are not G-rated I can guarantee you that. My son is 14 and plays Major Bantam and he tells me things that are said. They are not G-rate.

 

[Siamese Dream]

"You're gay"

Literally something I heard once during a scrum in front of the net when lining a game I was dying

 

[roundwounds]

Two of my favourites are from Shawn Thornton:

S:'Suck it you milk drinker'
C: 'He likes milk?'
S: 'Yeah'

Also, 'get you and your turtleneck outta here'

 

[Based Anime Fan]

"You're gay"

Literally something I heard once during a scrum in front of the net when lining a game I was dying

Sometimes it the little things that get you through.

 

[nystromshairstylist]

Heard this one this past weekend from a player on the team we were rolling yell at their own goalie: "you're giving out more softies than ******* Dairy Queen!"

 

[Burgmania]

Some of my favorites:

If the rout's on, "You guys ever think about switching to GEICO? They'll save more than your tendy."

And, of course:

"Google me."

 

[arizona beamer*]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5g7srrW4po

I wish this was mic'd up. Would like to hear what they are saying. Anyone recall the Winter Classic from last year where Crosby was calling Phaneuf a p***y?