Tomorrow's paper headlines read:
"Not in the Nick of Time."
"Long time Ryan Callahan fan, Nick of Time, tragically drank himself into a coma following Sunday's game against Anaheim. It's reported you could hear high pitched shrieks and glass breaking from neighbor's accounts of Sunday evening's horrifying events. Police busted down the front door after there was no response and found 25 beer cans, 4 bottles of wine, an Alain Vigneault bobblehead all by his side. Family and friends have been notified and his emergency contact, Ryan Callahan, who said he had no idea who he was sent his condolences and wished him a speedy recovery."