Pre-Game Talk: Week in the Wild West (@SJ, @LA)

[flyfysher]

A relationship is not a used car that's easy to walk away from when it breaks down. You live together, you're in a bedroom you both share. Where are you suppose to go when **** pops off and gets crazy?

You also do not really think about it getting to that level when it's happening. The other person snaps and takes it there very quickly.

I've been in a similar situation (assuming Abrams wife's version of the story is the truth)

I'm not saying that a relationship is like a used car. All relationships are imperfect. Some far worse than others.

Believe me, having worked in domestic relations, been asked for legal advice where a co-worker's girlfriend was being smacked around by her boyfriend, being called to a jury pool on a domestic violence case against a woman, worked for the correctional system as well as having a friend that told me about an argument with her husband that escalated into throwing a vase (they're really tough on that in Boulder County regardless of whether you assaulted your partner), you can either walk or wait for the cops to take you away and tell it to the judge later what your version of what occurred is. At the very least, one or both of you will end up taking anger management classes for hundreds of dollars (aside from any incarceration and loss of income in the meantime) and notwithstanding any legal fees that you might incur. You could also jeopardize custody of your kids. Worse, you might physically harm your partner or vice-versa. And if you've ever talked to people about these kinds of incidents, sometimes the emotional harm/scars can be even worse.

So what's your option if you want to stay together? One incident is one too many times. I'd offer her the option to go to counseling together and take anger management classes so you can learn to constructively deal with each other. And if not, you know where your relationship is headed. I've heard the reasons why women (and men) stay in relationships, loss of financial support, nowhere to go, lack of self-esteem, emotional ties, co-dependent relationships, for the kids' sake (and that's no way to raise a kid), etc.

Here's the bottom line. Staying in a relationship like that is a losing situation without taking positive steps to satisfactorily address the situation. In your case I'd ask if you were still with her. I'm not really looking for a response but I suspect the answer would prove my point.

 

[TheStranger]

What would be the point of filing a defamation claim? First, it makes Varly look vindictive. That's not how you want to present your client in this kind of case. Second, you'd have to prove he was somehow harmed monetarily to get a monetary judgment against her. Third, what source of funds would she be able to draw from even if she won? The point is, it's not worth it.

I guess you didn't read three posts further where I said it wouldn't be worth it.

Hopefully she just ends up back in wonderful Russia, I'm sure she has burnt though all her friends by now.

 

[tigervixxxen]

I guess you didn't read three posts further where I said it wouldn't be worth it.

Hopefully she just ends up back in wonderful Russia, I'm sure she has burnt though all her friends by now.

She just had a baby in the US, she's not going anywhere

 

[flyfysher]

I guess you didn't read three posts further where I said it wouldn't be worth it.

Hopefully she just ends up back in wonderful Russia, I'm sure she has burnt though all her friends by now.

Sorry, I hadn't. Just returned from Chipotle.

 

[Taak19]

I just had to bump that old thread on the main board. So much crow.

 

[CobraAcesS]

I'm not saying that a relationship is like a used car. All relationships are imperfect. Some far worse than others.

Believe me, having worked in domestic relations, been asked for legal advice where a co-worker's girlfriend was being smacked around by her boyfriend, being called to a jury pool on a domestic violence case against a woman, worked for the correctional system as well as having a friend that told me about an argument with her husband that escalated into throwing a vase (they're really tough on that in Boulder County regardless of whether you assaulted your partner), you can either walk or wait for the cops to take you away and tell it to the judge later what your version of what occurred is. At the very least, one or both of you will end up taking anger management classes for hundreds of dollars (aside from any incarceration and loss of income in the meantime) and notwithstanding any legal fees that you might incur. You could also jeopardize custody of your kids. Worse, you might physically harm your partner or vice-versa. And if you've ever talked to people about these kinds of incidents, sometimes the emotional harm/scars can be even worse.

So what's your option if you want to stay together? One incident is one too many times. I'd offer her the option to go to counseling together and take anger management classes so you can learn to constructively deal with each other. And if not, you know where your relationship is headed. I've heard the reasons why women (and men) stay in relationships, loss of financial support, nowhere to go, lack of self-esteem, emotional ties, co-dependent relationships, for the kids' sake (and that's no way to raise a kid), etc.

Here's the bottom line. Staying in a relationship like that is a losing situation without taking positive steps to satisfactorily address the situation. In your case I'd ask if you were still with her. I'm not really looking for a response but I suspect the answer would prove my point.

Yeah but she hadn't escalated it to that level until that point (meaning physical violence). It ended shortly after as I went to counseling and she refused to. At that point I was able to see it coming better, and seen another incident brewing and that was it. Divorce and all of ugly along with it.

I was in Colorado Springs at the time actually lol.

Without getting into too much detail, because I doubt anyone wants to read it. It's just rarely simple enough to be able to walk away when someone becomes actively aggressive like that and does everything in their power to not let you walk away. IE blocks door ways, follows you, and is generally in your face physically.

Varly situation sounds a lot like mine, but they were not married and I am not rich lol. I was married for 7 years at the time that happened.

 

[not a troll]

Does the jury decide the dollar amount or the judge? I'm not familiar with any of this.

 

[dahrougem2]

Soooooo I take it things have went well for Varly thus far?

 

[tigervixxxen]

Soooooo I take it things have went well for Varly thus far?

Dunno yet but I wouldn't say I've read anything that has changed my opinion. He's supposed to testify tomorrow and that kinda scares me.

 

[flyfysher]

Yeah but she hadn't escalated it to that level until that point (meaning physical violence). It ended shortly after as I went to counseling and she refused to. At that point I was able to see it coming better, and seen another incident brewing and that was it. Divorce and all of ugly along with it.

I was in Colorado Springs at the time actually lol.

Without getting into too much detail, because I doubt anyone wants to read it. It's just rarely simple enough to be able to walk away when someone becomes actively aggressive like that and does everything in their power to not let you walk away. IE blocks door ways, follows you, and is generally in your face physically.

Varly situation sounds a lot like mine, but they were not married and I am not rich lol. I was married for 7 years at the time that happened.

First, I'm very sorry that you (and her) went through that episode and divorce and all that goes with it. It sucks (huge understatement).

Second, you're absolutely right about things rarely being that simple such that you can walk away easily. Each situation is an individual one. And it's doubly tough when you're invested in the relationship, kids, work, etc.

I didn't mean to sound dismissive of what you wrote and its validity. You're right. However, I was more concerned about people finding one's self in Varly's situation and how they'd handle it.

Third, I'm glad you've moved on.

BTW, I like you're comments and analysis on hockey and the Avs. I generally find them insightful.

 

[dahrougem2]

Dunno yet but I wouldn't say I've read anything that has changed my opinion. He's supposed to testify tomorrow and that kinda scares me.

BSN tweets seemed to look upon this favourably given what transpired with all the people called to the stand. So hopefully it is good for Varly.

 

[MonsterMack]

Dunno yet but I wouldn't say I've read anything that has changed my opinion. He's supposed to testify tomorrow and that kinda scares me.

Not to pry, but what is your opinion? Everything BSN posted paints the picture that the ex is straight up lying (obviously could be biased). What about Varly testifying scares you?

 

[tigervixxxen]

Not to pry, but what is your opinion? Everything BSN posted paints the picture that the ex is straight up lying (obviously could be biased). What about Varly testifying scares you?

Just that he hasn't said anything about it and this is really the first time he's ever going to talk about it. I don't think he's going to reveal bad information, his lawyers are not idiots, they know what he's going to say plus if her side hasn't built up a damning picture by now... I also know the DP is going to be there and probably take quotes out of context to sensationalize things.

Yes, I thought she was a liar before this and nothing that's been revealed this week has changed my viewpoint on that or what had transpired. I was surprised they brought Bordy up to admit they'd been drinking but I'm also surprised that she admitted she hit him first. Other than that other than minor details it seems like we already had the story. But we haven't heard Varly's version either. There's so many odd parts to the story like her relationship with the lawyer and his wife, I also think it's an important piece that hasn't been discussed about how she didn't get mad after the fight, it was after he kicked her out that did it. I also think her present situation is a bit of an eye opener. Sure we probably are a bit biased but the more you hear of all this it's tough not to find one part of it that makes you question things and then it all unravels from there. For me the real question lies between a scared and naive girl that got caught up with the wrong people or a nefarious plot with purposeful manipulation, and that's probably not fair to judge without hearing it first hand. It's almost like the case isn't even about HIM, they've talked about her for three days.