My parents and her parents are always asking us when the grandkids are coming. I always worry about who is going to take care of us when we get older and sick. It's a really tough decision.
If it's any "consolation", there's no guarantee if you had kids that one or more of them would willingly care for you. I've seen the full spectrum of willing, reluctant, and unwilling offspring. Feuds between parents and sibling(s). Feuds between siblings.
I will say that if you remain childless, your closest friend set will likely be biased toward childless couples, as they'll continue to have the money / time / flexibility to travel, eat out, etc. At least that's what I've seen with the childless and child-rearing couple I've observed.
Lastly, if your mom is going through stage IV cancer, deal with that as priority. Once you become pregnant with your first, your time / priorities will be consumed with that until your first newborn is ~6 months old. If you've already had a couple kids, I'd say you'd be able to handle cancer in the family without too much hiccup.
FWIW, I learned after my dad passed (young) that my folks wanted a large family, six kids or more. Right after I was born, my mom's older sister was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, went into experimental treatments, and at the time of her death was the longest surviving case (this was 50 years ago at Roswell). My folks put their family plans on hold after my sister and brother were born, and my aunt died. My mom then often took care of my four (older) cousins regularly (at their house). After a few years my uncle remarried and was in a better situation as regards my cousins, etc. Then my dad went on medical disability and any hopes of additional siblings in our family ended. Point of the story is this - if anyone is thinking there's an ideal time in life to have kids, there's no guarantee your "plan" aligns with God's will / fate / whatever you personally call it. So, don't be afraid to have kids, or don't fear if you have a surprise pregnancy. Don't fear if you have a high risk pregnancy. Don't fear leaving young kids behind if you have cancer. Don't fear if a loved one has cancer. Don't fear growing old. Don't fear growing old without kids. All that fear is good for is motivating you to act / plan / love / care while you are able. Beyond that, it's needless anxiety.
@Chainshot is fond of Gord Downie and the Tragically Hip. I like their song "Courage". Courage is always needed over fear, no matter where / how it comes from, and whether or not you think it's "enough".
Make sure you have a good plan and save for future care. I don’t think children should have to care for aging parents but it happens.
Agreed. Also, I'd be exceptionally conservative in planning for future. If you're 31/32 today, and American, I'd assume full Social Security eligibility is age 70 or older. I'd assume reduced benefits in future in today's dollars. I'd assume investments returns are 1-2% higher at most than inflation rate / cost of living. I'd assume health insurance and health care costs continue to rise at multiples of the inflation rate / cost of living. I'd assume medicaid asset claw-back amounts and look-back timeframes grow larger / longer. etc.,
Has there always been a fish in the HFBoards logo? And also why?
It looks like a puffer fish. Combined with a breast cancer awareness pink ribbon.
Sucks man. I quit my job and am moving back to Buffalo with no definite job and no apartment. Maybe I'm just a moron. Just couldn't bring myself to sign another lease here in Syracuse.
Nah. If you don't have a family to support, what's the worry? Better to live where you wish than to be employed where you don't wish to live. Holds true across a wide range of income / prosperity.
