Captain Dave Poulin
Imaginary Cat
Welcome To The 20/21 Flyers Board NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot, PHASE NINE! Part One!
We have now arrived at PHASE NINE!, the final phase where we can definitely say that, to an outsider, this still looks like it makes sense - we are still picking "fantasy hockey players." As far as you know, this is where that part of it wraps up.
Luckily, we aren't satisfied with just making sense - we demand to make a LOT of sense. Thus there is a bunch more rational shit to sift through and choose for our journey into the great beyond. For all we know, it could be way more "mediocre" than "great," but since we know that Earth Prime is "turboass," it's worth a shot.
This is the new anthem of the Quackverse - if you don't want to look like an idiot, learn it.
LEGEND PLAYERS
It is especially important now and moving forward to carefully check the lists on the first page and in that spreadsheet to make sure you don’t pick someone who has already been chosen. I know it’s confusing, but we have chosen a shit ton of shit. And players.
This could be seen as our “Fourth Legend Line,” since we already have three Legend Lines and calling it anything else would be defective. The same rules as PHASE SEVEN! apply - they don't have to be alive, and they can't be currently playing professional hockey - but we are finished (for now) choosing f***ing goaltenders. We will use Hockey Reference to confirm positional integrity. Don’t worry about “right” and “left” for defensemen. So these are the positions you need to fill as we continue to pretend that hockey matters.
- LW
- C
- RW
- D
- D
IMPORTANT RATIONAL STUFF
Remember that your very survival in the new world could depend on these choices in ways we couldn’t ever imagine, and your very enjoyment in surviving will definitely depend on these choices in ways that only I and my team of crack (pipe) scientists could ever imagine.
Unless otherwise stated, the people and things below can be anyone/anything except people/things that have already been explicitly picked OR cause conflict with our “No Duplicates” law of the new universe.
- Team Outdoor Game Location - This is where you will play your outdoor games. Unlike the NHL, we will not pretend that these are some f***ing life-altering events - we just play outside sometimes, and this is where you will play when you play outside.
- Team Motto - This is the motto that represents what your organization/society/cult is all about overall. Please remember that I have to fit it into a f***ing box, so if it is long-ish, provide some kind of shorthand.
- Team Notable Team Fan - This is the person that is seen at the games and shown on TV wearing team merch. It can be a celebrity, an athlete, or any other well-known, recognizable figure.
- Team Cheerleader - The person who will lead the fanbase, actually out there in the arena - make of that what you will. Don't ask me what the difference is between "Team Notable Team Fan" and "Team Cheerleader" - just figure it out according to what I wrote and pick two different people. It seems to me like this is the point in this phase where it is very important to put the f***ing bong down.
- Team Weather Person - Pick a weather person - your knowledge of the weather there (whatever form “weather” will take in the new dimension) will depend on this person and their ability to interpret their own information, as well as the information provided by your scouts.
- Team Currency - Pick a currency. I don't think it matters whether it is real or fictional, but it has to "exist" somewhere - i.e., don't just make up something.
- Wildcard / Maximum Chaos - Two things about this. First, No Duplicates. Second, you can’t steal something from someone else. That’s havoc, not chaos, and would be extremely uncool. Otherwise, just remember that you are trying to benefit your new organization/society/cult, not outwit the category or other people. Think of something cool to add to yours, not something obnoxious to take away from others.
Remember: “Chaos” is not the same thing as “Havoc.” Engage in the former, not the latter. We have a whole ton of stuff left over for PHASE SIX! so don’t worry if categories you wanted aren’t in here - I will champion them later with the boss.
For the first round, we will give everyone 12 hours to get revved up again - for all the succeeding rounds, it will be six hours. The daily clock starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 10 p.m., all times Eastern. This is a MONGOOSE DRAFT, which is the same functionally as a snake draft, but isn’t named after the **** of the animal world.
Don't forget to tag the next person in your pick post AND send a PM.
DRAFT ORDER
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Flytimmo - Boston FlyTimmos
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Striiker - Allentown Attack
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Mighty Ducks
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Flytimmo - Boston FlyTimmos
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Striiker - Allentown Attack
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Mighty Ducks
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
RIVALRIES
| HOST | RIVAL | |
| Allentown Attack | vs | New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins |
| Boston FlyTimmos | vs | Los Angeles Whalers |
| Chicago Chimpanzees | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Honolulu Ghibli | vs | Florida Methgators |
| Jacksonville Methgators | vs | Tampa Bay FireSticks |
| Las Vegas Desert Ducks | vs | Providence Platypi |
| Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha! | vs | Boston FlyTimmos |
| Los Angeles Whalers | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Montreal Sexpos | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins | vs | Allentown Attack |
| New York M.A.D. Cats | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Philadelphia Villains | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Portland Fog | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Providence Platypi | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Quebec Lapins | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Seattle Sockeyes | vs | Vancouver Beavers |
| St. Paul Stay Pufts | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| Tampa Bay FireSticks | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Vancouver Beavers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Virginia Beach Surge | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
NO NAMING NAMES, NO PICK TIPPING, NO ICE CREAM BANTER, NO TWITCH SHIT, SNITCHES GET STITCHES!
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
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