Namikaze Minato
Registered User
From a reddit post:
Edit: full article: «Папа, я вижу сны. А там — лед, и я играю в хоккей». Как жил и как боролся со смертью Родион АмировI know this is rather long, but I just feel I needed to share. This is just a few parts of a long narrative from Rodion Amirov's father published today. If you'd like to translate and read the whole thing, I might be able to post an edited link in the comments, since the url is blocked on reddit
My main motivation for giving this interview, as a father and witness of everything that happened to my son, is to thank people in a human way, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you from our family and from Rodion, even though he can no longer express it in words.
Thank you for the attention and participation that the hockey community, clubs and organizations, and fans have given us. Thank you to the Toronto Maple Leafs, personally to Brendan Shanahan and Kyle Dubas. For the way they embraced Rodion, empathized and took part in his journey. I was removed from financial and organizational issues: "Ruslan, take care of your son, don't even think about it. We will solve everything."
The club was always in touch 24/7. Both doctors and team management. Dubas, who made the pick at the draft, was very fond of Rodion. They corresponded a lot, supported each other both before and during his illness. In the last few days, Kyle even wanted to fly to Munich. - Rodion passed away on August 14, and Dubas already had a ticket for the 11th.
I told agent Dan Milstein: "Rodion is in such a state, he can't see anymore, it's heavy. So what's Kyle going to do? Just pick up a weak hand and shake it? They won't even socialize."
"Ruslan, he wants to do it. It's his personal wish."
Dubas wrote and called, but my son could no longer see his messages. He was worried, rushing to the airport. The doctors stopped him: "You don't have to fly anywhere anymore..."
Toronto released 100 medals, which will be awarded to the most respected people who have made a great contribution to the history of the club and the NHL. So, Shanahan himself came to Rodion at six in the morning, when it became known that his illness had worsened and he needed to fly home from Toronto, and presented him with this medal - the very first of the 100. Rodion brought this award to Ufa and was very proud of it.
Until the last day, I talked to Rodion. We were sitting at the hospital in Munich at the dinner table.
"Son, I've been wondering... Do blind people dream? You've been blind for eight months. What do you see?"
"Dad, I see dreams."
"What are they? Who's there? Mom and me? I guess you've forgotten what we look like."
"Daddy, I see ice all the time. And there's a game. I'm playing hockey."
"Listen, Rodion, you had another life besides hockey. Nature, sun, forest, friends. You can and should see something else, right?"
"I'm in the game all the time. I see the ice. You know, Dad, that's probably because I've been playing hockey since I was a kid and I love it so much. When you love something in your heart and you really want it, you see it in your dreams."
I'm a grown man, I've seen a lot of things in my life. But I have learned many things from my son during these two years. Rodion has matured a lot during his illness. Courage, willpower, patience, fortitude. I don't understand where it came from! I always saw him as a teenager - young, immature, not knowing everything about life.
But I am a father, I must put my son on his feet, inspire him by my personal example. Our family is religious, and I have to teach my son strong faith, which helps in the most difficult situations.
You know, Rodion, when he was 10 years old, wrote on paper in uneven handwriting what his dream was.
"To become the best hockey player in the world and glorify God. "Win the Olympics, the Gagarin Cup, the Stanley Cup. Glorify God. Be a good man."
Twice, "glorify God." And at the end, the most important, the most important, the most valuable - "to become a good man". How profound... My son taught me simple and important things. And I'm thinking: My God, my God, what would I do in that situation? I probably wouldn't have put up with it.
It says in the Bible that God does not give a man a greater trial than he can bear. I don't know how angry I would have gotten, who I would have blamed - doctors, fate, the Almighty, I would have thrown stones at the sky, cursing everyone....
But that boy was a model of fortitude. And taught me how to live.
We called Germany and flew there in January. We went for a biopsy, and we were diagnosed with a malignant tumor in the fourth stage.
Foreign doctors are simple, they don't hide anything. They sit a person in front of them, the parents, and tell them about the fatal diagnosis. They said all this in front of my son. And I was amazed: he was absolutely calm.
"Rodion, do you understand the situation?"
"Yes, Dad, I understand. Don't worry, everything will pass."
Can you imagine? A man is diagnosed with brain cancer. Diffuse tumor, meaning without borders, inoperable. It's a death sentence.
But this boy sits in front of me, "Look, Dad, let's go. I need to train."
I couldn't figure it out - either all hockey players are such suckers, or it's this incredible composure.
I was in shock. I was sobbing. I cried and cried to God, "My God, why? What have I done wrong in my life?"
I didn't show that kind of emotion in front of Rodion. With my family, I was confident and calm. But this boy has amazed me since the day he learned of his diagnosis.
He didn't give a shit. "Dad, let's do a biopsy soon," "let's get this topic over with quickly," "let them prescribe treatment, and we're in the middle of the season, and the playoffs are coming up." It's just so bizarre.
He began to train more actively, even gaining weight. It seemed that he was getting better. His condition looked good. We had already been treated in Moscow and even had a consultation via video link, where there were German and Canadian doctors. After the meeting, they authorized the flight across the ocean.
We talked a lot about it at the family meeting: should we go to Canada? After all, the flight, a foreign country... But in Russia, everything is close by, and you can quickly solve any issue.
But Rodion was living the dream. He came to me: "Dad, I had a dream."
He was so interesting, he was always dreaming.
"And I dreamed I was in Toronto."
"Son, you'll be there someday. We'll finish chemo, you'll play a season, and then you'll go to the NHL on a contract..."
"No, listen. In this dream I'm already sitting in the locker room with Matthews, Tavares, Samsonov... All the guys from Maple Leafs. I'm wearing a lightweight Russian national team jacket. We just practiced. Now we're sitting together and talking."
Forget the whole thing. There's a doctor's conference. And the son makes a decision: "I'm going to fly. "I want to go, Dad. I have to be there."
Talked to Dan, talked to the Toronto doctors. In the preseason, the Maple Leafs had time and opportunity to work with Rodion individually. In the end, we decided to combine good and useful. And that he would be distracted by going to Canada for a dream, and would work on the ice. The plan was that Rodion would stay there for two or three months, and come back closer to the New Year in a good physical condition. And if he was allowed, he would play on the team.
[The Leafs] brought in a top oncology professor. There was a huge waiting list for this neurosurgeon, but the Maple Leafs management took care of everything. They did the MRI, and right on the same day, Dan calls me via video link. Rodion is sitting there, Canadian professors. And they translate what the doctors are telling me.
"This is the situation," they say. "Take your son. Not even to treat him anymore. We're not going to keep him. At a time like this, he should be with his family. He has three months, six months tops. And even six months would be a miracle. We can't even give him that long."
...I remember after they said that, I just fell over. Just yesterday, the kid was showing hope, practicing. He had some pain, but we thought we'd let him play in an NHL game. And then this happened. It just hit me.
Then my son picks up the phone: "Dad, don't worry. Don't tell Mom yet. Everything's gonna be fine."
And he started to calm me down! His voice didn't even waver at the doctors' words.
"Rodion, how interesting you are. You have no fear at all?" - "I just believe that everything will be fine. And I don't even allow myself to think about something tragic and scary."
Dan picks him up, brings him to Moscow. He was supposed to have a second radiation treatment right away. All the equipment is available at Skolkovo, and the staff is great.
When Rodion arrived, he couldn't see very well. The cancer cells had gotten very close to the eye center. The optic nerves were affected, and the tumor had reached there. It metastasized to his spine. That's why my son's leg almost gave out in Toronto. And when they started radiation, his vision was gone within a week. And since the end of November he couldn't see anything - neither day nor night.
At the same time, Rodion, when he recovered more or less, started going to the movies a couple of times a week. He went to the movies a couple of times a week with his little sister or the guys visiting him.
"Son, are you going to the movies again? Why?"
"I'm gonna sit and watch. I want to live like a healthy person. And that's what I'm going to do. Today I go to the movies and I don't see. But tomorrow I'll go to the movies and I'll see."
...He was living a dream, as we agreed, visualizing reality. He lived like a normal person who wants to be healthy. As long as there is at least the slightest hope.
What is faith? It is the expectation of the promised and the certainty of the unseen. My son has taught me hope, patience and faith through his life and his actions.
...Rodion often said, "Through my example, my fight for life and my determination, I want to give hope to all those who are fighting cancer."
You can't give up. You have to keep on living. And be grateful for each day.
Proverbs says that children are a gift from God. We are grateful to God for these 21 years and for every moment that we have lived together with our son.
And when Rodion at the age of 10 wrote on a piece of paper that he wanted to become a good person.....
He must have succeeded if so many people remember him now in their hearts, sharing our pain.
