Tyler "Balloon Animal Zach Parise" Ennis
Tyler "Inspiration for Silicon Valley's Big Head" Ennis
Tyler "Shia LeBouef's Indy Jr. of the NHL" Ennis
Tyler "My direct deposit phone notification is the sound of laughter, choking, and then a thump" Ennis
Tyler "I don't know, my badge keeps letting me in" Ennis
Tyler "NHL equivalent of a Birdemic special effect" Ennis.
Tyler "Lego Robin" Ennis
Tyler "Expired 'Big' wish" Ennis
Tyler "Got into a car accident with Chuck Fletcher and had no insurance so the judge ordered him to be on the Wild" Ennis
Tyler "Hockey player placebo" Ennis
Tyler "Saffron suppository" Ennis
Tyler "HF ban bait" Ennis
Tyler "'Brewster's Millions' investment" Ennis
Tyler "Buyout Still Pending Signature" Ennis
Tyler "Good luck in the playoffs, teammates!" Ennis
Tyler "asldkj asldkj fas;lkdfj ;alkjs;alkfj" Ennis
Tyler "Balsa Pinocchio" Ennis
Tyler "The feather from Forrest Gump" Ennis
Tyler "invoice for a government toilet seat" Ennis
Tyler "Did I already call him that ****ing plastic bag from American Beauty?" Ennis
Tyler "Pretty sure George Lucas retroactively inserted him into the '17/'18 games after the season ended" Ennis
Tyler "Schubert's Unfinished Symphony bar, but like, the half he finished, a day later" Ennis
Tyler "AAV of Get Out's budget is no coincidence" Ennis
Tyler "Pepto Abysmal" Ennis
Tyler "NHL Player Due to Some Hilarious Clerical Error" Ennis
Tyler "Whoa you just bounced me off the puck! What? You didn't? Well I bounced off it anyways just in case" Ennis
Tyler "If there's a scene in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray takes infinity dumps, then that" Ennis
Tyler "Faberge ball and chain" Ennis
Tyler "Fly sealed in a coke bag" Ennis
Tyler "Hockey player-shaped eye floater" Ennis
Tyler "You see, when selecting from the currency dropdown for his contract, you hit the End key and it selected Zimbabwe and changed the amount accordingly. Yeah, that does seem kind of ominous!" Ennis.
Tyler "The AHL called and-- no, no actually they didn't" Ennis
Tyler "I did it. I cost a man his job! This must be what it feels like to be on the continually standing side of a check!" Ennis
Tyler "Never Forget" Ennis
Tyler "Continuous Raspberry" Ennis
Tyler "close-orbiting seizure" Ennis
Tyler "Scrappy Doo" Ennis
Tyler "Diamond encrusted incontinence breezers prototype" Ennis
He is as effective as if they played a hologram of Parise on the ice. The energy and the effort are there, he's doing the things, but there is apparently nothing to him. I am starting to suspect he is made out of wicker. If he broke easier I'd say balsa wood, but he seems to have some give when he bounces away from someone like Bambi on ice, so I'm going with wicker.
He's a ****ing tumbleweed on the moon with a cobweb for a hockey stick.
Frantic, high-energy whiffs. Like a bird hell-bent on killing you if. it. could. just. break. this. damn. window.
the Oompa Loompas will sing a little something after his first journey into a corner Byfuglien also wants to be in
voodoo doll would be an equally impactful Parise fill-in
what dish he would be. Butterfly rockefeller, or maybe turducken made with real turd
he's a Parise engine stuffed into a hummingbird
Hopefully if someone goes, the gentle wind current created by them going through the doorway is enough to carry Ennis along with them.
Ennis is the first 25 or however many minutes of Captain America. He just needs magical comic book superhero serum and he'll be fine. We weren't meant to hate weiner-sized Johnny America or whatever his stupid name is, but we sure as hell aren't meant to expect him to get apricot one either.
Every shift, and Ennis' entire NHL career, ends with a pat on the head and mom saying "Oh but honey you tried so hard out there." He's Parise's Danny DeVito in Bee Twins. Watching his icetime with Grandumpelschmeldford is like seeing a eunuch spend a gift card at The Sex and Pixy Stix Store.
Ennis, I don't know, he still seems like an ornamental windmill to me. Spinning along like meant to and expected but not actually hooked up to anything.
would benefit from being invited to a murder mystery dinner at Antoine Winfield's camp
Ennis handles his size like
Ennis digs the puck out of the corner like
I admire the tenacity, but sweet jesus, Hockey Bridgewater, that you escaped this time while the oafy power forwards got dinged is only going to make the next Final Destination movie even worse.
RIP Tyler Ennis, 2017-2018