Dealing With Financial Vampires
- Thread starter Hockeyholic
- Start date
Penguins23
Le Magnifique
ThePhoenixx
Registered User
- Aug 7, 2005
- 9,304
- 5,790
Hockeyholic
Registered User
Update: The girl was trying to guilt me into giving 40 for her kids. She said it would be inmoral for me to refuse welfare of children. I told her it was inmoral for her to have kids in the first place. Blocked her number, went to cpp & the kids may be taken.
Goonzilla
Welcome to my house!
There are some people that are just hopeless, terrible with money, or life and always chasing their tails financially. It's okay to be friends with a loser, but you don't want to be surrounded by them.
In a genuine friendship, which is a two way street, I don't think there's a big issue giving a little 'help' occasionally, or if you're picking up the tab, but know that that loan is not a loan; and you're not gonna see it again so don't pretend or kid yourself otherwise.
If it's all one way traffic though, you get nothing in return or out of the friendship, you only ever hear from them when they want something of you are enabling addictions, best cut your losses and be unavailable; and I wouldn't worry too much about the sob stories around kids, not your problem and they're likely to be embellished to manipulate you.
In a genuine friendship, which is a two way street, I don't think there's a big issue giving a little 'help' occasionally, or if you're picking up the tab, but know that that loan is not a loan; and you're not gonna see it again so don't pretend or kid yourself otherwise.
If it's all one way traffic though, you get nothing in return or out of the friendship, you only ever hear from them when they want something of you are enabling addictions, best cut your losses and be unavailable; and I wouldn't worry too much about the sob stories around kids, not your problem and they're likely to be embellished to manipulate you.
Hockeyholic
Registered User
Exactly. She uses her kids as excuses. I feel bad for them. I also feel bad for hungry kids in Africa. Doesn't mean I send paychecks to them.
Bottom line is they aren't my responsibility. I had no choice but to go to CPS when she mentioned the kids were hungry and one was sleeping in a box.
Hockeyholic
Registered User
I sent him a letter yesterday. I said that I can't lend any more money. Told him I'm concerned where the money goes. Felt him and his fiance were not meant for one another because she can't give him money to live at a motel and take care of four kids. Said I would be his friend without the money thing etc. Just needed to get it off my chest.
His fiance reached out today and said I was ignorant. He said I ruined his weekend. Basically I had alot of explaining to do. They're trying to guilt me.
His fiance reached out today and said I was ignorant. He said I ruined his weekend. Basically I had alot of explaining to do. They're trying to guilt me.
Of course they are trying to guilt you. That's what deadbeat moochers do when people get wise to their nonsense.
Stand your ground man. You don't need that drama or them and their nonsense.
InfinityIggy
Zagidulin's Dad
Tell them to go **** themselves. That kind of response totally shows they were only interested in you for money.
GarbageGoal
Courage
I don't know who's worse. She's paying for his lodging. And he accepts it.
A lot of explaining? Dude, be careful. These two sound ****ing psycho.
Legionnaire11
Registered User
I think there's a gray area in situations like this. There's a point where you can't give anymore, but I also think people who flat out say "I will never give a cent to anyone" are wrong as well.
The first rule of helping someone financially, is to never "loan" money. If you're going to give, then give with the intention that you will never get the money back.
As for the people who only seem to contact you when they need money, in some cases yes they are just leeches who are using you for money and nothing else. For others, it's a very embarrassing situation once they've taken money from you, especially if you've made the stipulation that you expect to be paid back. They probably cannot pay you back even if they really want to, they appreciate the help you gave them, but they don't contact you because they don't want the subject to come up because they don't want to face your questioning of "where's my money?"... this situation described by the OP sounded a little like that to start with, but by the end it was obvious that they were just using the OP for money.
On a similar note, a lot of people will not give money to a homeless individual because they think it will just be used for alcohol or drugs. I personally don't care, i'll empty the change in my vehicle whenever i'm approached (i'm not going into my wallet for bills). I don't know what they're dealing with, or where the money is going, but even if they're an addict and they go buy another hit, and it gets them through to the next day it's good enough for me. Maybe tomorrow is the day that they turn things around and get the help they really need.
And with the friend borrowing money, it's kind of the same thing, they might not be doing all of the right things right now, but if it keeps them afloat and gets them to the point where they want to make that change and start doing things the right way, then it's worth it. Back to the OP, in this case I wouldn't stretch myself for someone after four years, it would have to be a lifelong friend or a family member in order for me to just keep giving and giving and giving and I suppose there would have to be a limit even in that situation.
But yeah, it's just money, humanity is a lot more important than cash. I know i'm a lot different than most people these days about that stuff.
The first rule of helping someone financially, is to never "loan" money. If you're going to give, then give with the intention that you will never get the money back.
As for the people who only seem to contact you when they need money, in some cases yes they are just leeches who are using you for money and nothing else. For others, it's a very embarrassing situation once they've taken money from you, especially if you've made the stipulation that you expect to be paid back. They probably cannot pay you back even if they really want to, they appreciate the help you gave them, but they don't contact you because they don't want the subject to come up because they don't want to face your questioning of "where's my money?"... this situation described by the OP sounded a little like that to start with, but by the end it was obvious that they were just using the OP for money.
On a similar note, a lot of people will not give money to a homeless individual because they think it will just be used for alcohol or drugs. I personally don't care, i'll empty the change in my vehicle whenever i'm approached (i'm not going into my wallet for bills). I don't know what they're dealing with, or where the money is going, but even if they're an addict and they go buy another hit, and it gets them through to the next day it's good enough for me. Maybe tomorrow is the day that they turn things around and get the help they really need.
And with the friend borrowing money, it's kind of the same thing, they might not be doing all of the right things right now, but if it keeps them afloat and gets them to the point where they want to make that change and start doing things the right way, then it's worth it. Back to the OP, in this case I wouldn't stretch myself for someone after four years, it would have to be a lifelong friend or a family member in order for me to just keep giving and giving and giving and I suppose there would have to be a limit even in that situation.
But yeah, it's just money, humanity is a lot more important than cash. I know i'm a lot different than most people these days about that stuff.
Hockeyholic
Registered User
They aren't crazy or anything. They get offended easily when called out. Her kids were taken from her today. Someone saw the kids near him...wasn't me. Feel bad but those kids will be better off.
I've blocked their #'s and emails.
Hockeyholic
Registered User
Great point. Turns out he owes a bunch of different people money. Including a well known local gangster who is irate. Goes without saying I am not going to be in contact with either anymore.
He admitted in a text to another friend that his fiance came into a bunch of money. My question is how could they blow it like that?
If you are a financial moron without a brain, blowing money is simple.
When I lived in Timmins, there was a middle-aged couple a few houses down from us. Their place was a junk heap that looked like a crack house.
Anyways it was well known that a few years before we had moved on that street that said couple had inherited and subsequently blew $250,000How you may ask??? Takeout food, cabs, and bingo apparently.
Neutrinos
Registered User
- Sep 23, 2016
- 8,610
- 3,610
I wouldn't give them cash
If her kids are hungry and you want to help them out, then take them grocery shopping
For about $20, you can get brown rice, potatoes, dried lentils, dried kidney beans, and a bag of frozen peas and carrots
That'll keep their bellies good and full for a couple of weeks
If her kids are hungry and you want to help them out, then take them grocery shopping
For about $20, you can get brown rice, potatoes, dried lentils, dried kidney beans, and a bag of frozen peas and carrots
That'll keep their bellies good and full for a couple of weeks
Hockeyholic
Registered User
I offered to go grocery shopping or buy clothes for the kids. They used some weird excuse.
Nonetheless, I've accepted I am not getting the money back and blocked them both.
tarheelhockey
Offside Review Specialist
Coming into a bunch of money might be the source of some of their problems. Think about where it probably went, and what happens when you get into that sort of habit and then the money dries up.
Hockeyholic
Registered User
Update: I emailed his gf ( Owes me 100) & politely asked for it. He proceeds to tell me to get a grip, I've been disrespectful etc. I won't get the $ back. But I'm better off without them.
