Dealing With Financial Vampires

[Hockeyholic]

Well I have a friend I've known four years. He's living in a motel in a different city. No money. No smokes. No job. No nothing. He's not allowed to be around his fiance nor her four kids. She still lets them around him. She's actually paying for his motel.

I saw these people Halloween. They asked to borrow 100 more bucks on top of the 400 plus he/she owed already. At this particular time, the kids had been nine months removed from being taken out of her custody by CPS.

Eight and a half months passes by. Don't hear a word from neither. They never reached out to ask how I was. Nor to tell me rheyll pay me back. Nothing. They only reach out when un need.

Three weeks ago I hear from my friend. He needs 25 because he's in a bad spot. I lend it. Hear nothing until few weeks later when they need more money. I can't help them. Yet I feel guilty because she's admitted she can't feed her kids. Yet she's never given me a cent back..at all.

Would you cut your losses if you were in my shoes? Tell them Ill only be a friend and not an ATM machine? It's hard to let go. I keep remembering all those talks me and him had. How nice he was at first. I want that " Old Friend" back.

If this belongs in a different section, mods please move it. I understand I'm at fault for enabling. Maybe I'm romantacizing things. Maybe drinking and partying with him wasn't as fun as I make it out to be.

Click to read more...

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Cut your losses.

They both sound like deadbeat bums.

 

[KingBran]

 

[ThePhoenixx]

Well I have a friend I've known four years. He's living in a motel in a different city. No money. No smokes. No job. No nothing. He's not allowed to be around his fiance nor her four kids. She still lets them around him. She's actually paying for his motel.

I saw these people Halloween. They asked to borrow 100 more bucks on top of the 400 plus he/she owed already. At this particular time, the kids had been nine months removed from being taken out of her custody by CPS.

Eight and a half months passes by. Don't hear a word from neither. They never reached out to ask how I was. Nor to tell me rheyll pay me back. Nothing. They only reach out when un need.

Three weeks ago I hear from my friend. He needs 25 because he's in a bad spot. I lend it. Hear nothing until few weeks later when they need more money. I can't help them. Yet I feel guilty because she's admitted she can't feed her kids. Yet she's never given me a cent back..at all.

Would you cut your losses if you were in my shoes? Tell them Ill only be a friend and not an ATM machine? It's hard to let go. I keep remembering all those talks me and him had. How nice he was at first. I want that " Old Friend" back.

If this belongs in a different section, mods please move it. I understand I'm at fault for enabling. Maybe I'm romantacizing things. Maybe drinking and partying with him wasn't as fun as I make it out to be.

If you know for a fact that the kids are not being fed then it is your duty to contact the authorities.

Starving children is not good care and can have huge debilitating consequences for the children later on in life.

 

[InfinityIggy]

You already know the answer. You will never see that money again. Wash your hands of it, walk away and don't give them any more.

Also someone who only gets ahold of you when they need cash is not your friend.

 

[tarheelhockey]

I hate to say it, but you're not going to BE their friend unless you're willing to be their ATM.

If you stop giving them money, they'll resent you. You've established that you have the means to "help them feed their kids (let's be real, that's not where the money is going)" and if you refuse to do so, they will hate you for it. It's the reality of the relationship you now have with them.

The truth is, anybody can feed their kids if the kids are a priority. People who live on dirt floors manage to feed their kids. The money's going to support these people's bad habits, not the kids. They're not going to fix those habits with a $100 gift from you (a gift, not a loan, again let's be real here) so how are you actually helping them?

TBH the best scenario here is probably for the kids to be taken into public care and the parents to be placed in rehab or whatever service fits their needs. If you feel especially humane, you can be the one to make that happen, and make sure they REALLY hate you forever. Otherwise, run away from this situation as fast as you can.

 

[WeWantTacos]

Rub garlic on the money before you give it to him.

 

[LarryFisherman]

I like to **** these type of people off buy buying them food.

There was a dude at the gas station the other day, asking for a couple of bucks because he was 'starving'. I never carry cash on me, so I bought him a snickers while I was in there. Upon giving it to him, he called me a "rich f***ing a**hole, too stuck up my own ass to help a brother out".

Definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

 

[LarryFisherman]

That said, if they say they need a $10 spot for H or some booze or something, I'm happy to oblige.

Been there, done that - it's rough. Just looking for honesty.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Rub garlic on the money before you give it to him.

 

[Kairi Zaide]

I like to **** these type of people off buy buying them food.

There was a dude at the gas station the other day, asking for a couple of bucks because he was 'starving'. I never carry cash on me, so I bought him a snickers while I was in there. Upon giving it to him, he called me a "rich f***ing a**hole, too stuck up my own ass to help a brother out".

Definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

I don't give anything to these people. Always simply ignore them or tell them I don't carry money on me. There are organisms that help them.

 

[booyakasha]

I had a friend like that...always borrowing money for "diapers", or "baby food"....I won't go into details, but it wasn't good.


cut your losses and move on.....you'll get ****ed up in the long run.

believe me.

and like ThePhoenixx said, ...call the authorities if you think there is child neglect.

 

[GarbageGoal]

She's paying for his place but her kids are starving.

Yeah, figure it out.

 

[Hockeyholic]

If you know for a fact that the kids are not being fed then it is your duty to contact the authorities.

Starving children is not good care and can have huge debilitating consequences for the children later on in life.

I actually have facebook posts where she admits such things as no food and them having to sleep in a box.

 

[RabidBadger]

I like to **** these type of people off buy buying them food.

There was a dude at the gas station the other day, asking for a couple of bucks because he was 'starving'. I never carry cash on me, so I bought him a snickers while I was in there. Upon giving it to him, he called me a "rich f***ing a**hole, too stuck up my own ass to help a brother out".

Definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

You may have had a different reaction had he eaten the Snickers. After all, those Snickers commercials taught us "you're not you when you're hungry'".

Since you are admitting to buying things for people for the express purpose of getting a rise out of them, I'm not sure why you are shocked at their adverse reactions. Your first and last sentences are quite contradictory.

 

[Hockeyholic]

To be clear: The 40 dollars won't make or break me. That's not the point. It's the fact I've yet to get a cent back.

Someone recomennded I blackmail them. Basically tell the girl: " I have facebook messages where you admit your kids don't get food and sleep in a box. You pay me back fully or I call CPS".

That's not my style. Don't need the money. I think I'm gonna keep saving up the texts and go to CPS. I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

 

[GarbageGoal]

To be clear: The 40 dollars won't make or break me. That's not the point. It's the fact I've yet to get a cent back.

Someone recomennded I blackmail them. Basically tell the girl: " I have facebook messages where you admit your kids don't get food and sleep in a box. You pay me back fully or I call CPS".

That's not my style. Don't need the money. I think I'm gonna keep saving up the texts and go to CPS. I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

I would hope that someone would have the decency to call CPS without the blackmail.

 

[ProstheticConscience]

To be clear: The 40 dollars won't make or break me. That's not the point. It's the fact I've yet to get a cent back.

Someone recomennded I blackmail them. Basically tell the girl: " I have facebook messages where you admit your kids don't get food and sleep in a box. You pay me back fully or I call CPS".

That's not my style. Don't need the money. I think I'm gonna keep saving up the texts and go to CPS. I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

You're not helping them by giving them money. You're enabling them to keep doing whatever they're doing that doesn't involve looking after themselves or their kids properly.

Call whatever social services are where you are, then cut the cord.

 

[tarheelhockey]

To be clear: The 40 dollars won't make or break me. That's not the point. It's the fact I've yet to get a cent back.

You'll never get the money back. That's not how these situations work.

First step here is for you to reconcile to yourself that you have GIVEN them a lot of money and their situation hasn't changed. Coming to peace with that will make the next steps easier.

I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

Think of this like having a friend with a serious mental illness. To some extent, you've already lost the friend you used to know. The question is, what are you going to do with the person who replaced her?

This situation sucks, but everyone has a moment where they realize that not all of their friends are going to turn out OK.

 

[ProstheticConscience]

I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

You already have. The people you describe aren't friends. They don't give a **** about you and only call you when they want money. That's not friendship.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

You already have. The people you describe aren't friends. They don't give a **** about you and only call you when they want money. That's not friendship.

Quoted for emphasis and truth.

 

[Bumpus]

Well I have a friend I've known four years. He's living in a motel in a different city. No money. No smokes. No job. No nothing. He's not allowed to be around his fiance nor her four kids. She still lets them around him. She's actually paying for his motel.

I saw these people Halloween. They asked to borrow 100 more bucks on top of the 400 plus he/she owed already. At this particular time, the kids had been nine months removed from being taken out of her custody by CPS.

Eight and a half months passes by. Don't hear a word from neither. They never reached out to ask how I was. Nor to tell me rheyll pay me back. Nothing. They only reach out when un need.

Three weeks ago I hear from my friend. He needs 25 because he's in a bad spot. I lend it. Hear nothing until few weeks later when they need more money. I can't help them. Yet I feel guilty because she's admitted she can't feed her kids. Yet she's never given me a cent back..at all.

Would you cut your losses if you were in my shoes? Tell them Ill only be a friend and not an ATM machine? It's hard to let go. I keep remembering all those talks me and him had. How nice he was at first. I want that " Old Friend" back.

If this belongs in a different section, mods please move it. I understand I'm at fault for enabling. Maybe I'm romantacizing things. Maybe drinking and partying with him wasn't as fun as I make it out to be.

Can you spot me $20?

 

[LarryFisherman]

You may have had a different reaction had he eaten the Snickers. After all, those Snickers commercials taught us "you're not you when you're hungry'".

Since you are admitting to buying things for people for the express purpose of getting a rise out of them, I'm not sure why you are shocked at their adverse reactions. Your first and last sentences are quite contradictory.

I'm not shocked at all. My lesson is for them to be honest.

If they said, "Hey, Mason, I need $20 to buy some heroin. I'm completely jonsin" I would literally walk to the nearest ATM, pull out $20 bucks, pay for the $3.99 fee, and give it to them. Honesty is the only thing I'm interested in. If they tell me they're hungry, I'll buy them some food. Generally that makes them angry though.

 

[MrFunnyWobbl]

Stop giving them money!

 

[UnrefinedCrude]

To be clear: The 40 dollars won't make or break me. That's not the point. It's the fact I've yet to get a cent back.

Someone recomennded I blackmail them. Basically tell the girl: " I have facebook messages where you admit your kids don't get food and sleep in a box. You pay me back fully or I call CPS".

That's not my style. Don't need the money. I think I'm gonna keep saving up the texts and go to CPS. I'll lose a friend. That's my fear.

IMO, it sounds like you have a couple of people who are addicts. They will never pay you back, and they will never use that money to take care of their kids. It might buy a meal or something, but in large you are just financing the behavior that leads to the kids sleeping in a box.

Cut your losses, resign yourself to the fact you won't ever see a dime.

I do however think you have a moral obligation to make a report to CPS. No blackmail, just do the right thing.