Early morning musings on "sir."
I've NEVER objected to @ImporterExporter 's use of "sir" when applied to me- and never had the impression that it was meant to distance himself from anyone when he applied it to others.
I have preferences in forms of address- but I believe MY preferences should be secondary to the freedom of expression I believe all of us should grant all others. Put me on the side of the pundit who said "we're not entitled to our own pronouns, any more than we're entitled to our own adjectives!" [How would you feel if I said "my adjectives are 'sagacious and industrious'? Please respect my self-identification."
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Here on Our Forum, we DO have sensible limitations on pejoratives and out-and-out epithets- because we're all here in the virtual conversation-parlour, and agreed to the rules of entry before walking through the door. I've run afoul of those rules a couple of times, just as some of you have. However, out there in real life, I think it's a fool's errand to criminalise epithets. I side with Milton's Areopagitica, and share Orwell's perspective that universally applied speech-codes make my back-end feel like it's being prepped for receipt of the short-end of the wedge.
Back to "sir" and "I work for a living" as a response. I am (emphatically) NOT former military. [When I was younger, I remained immature and would have never withstood the discipline. When a little older, I would have have had the maturity to deal with the discipline- but by that time, I'd carved out a passable blue-collar life. (I've been 'white-collar' for only the second-half of my working life.)] However, I get from listening to military/former military that Officers, particularly NCOs, always preferred being addressed by rank. There is the lingering impression among NCOs that they got their promotions the old-fashioned way ("they earned them"), which distinguishes them from a wide swath of the commissioned class, who are the "sirs" (and when employed to refer to them, they don't mean it as a sign of respect). So- when a lower grade GI on the non-commissioned track addresses a Sergeant as 'sir,' the Sergeant will insist on being addressed by rank, saying "I work for a living." [Implication being... many in the Commissioned ranks don't work for a living.]
Sometimes, the reflex to respond this way extends to their civilian life. It shouldn't- but if it does, it's understandable. When it gets weird is if someone who isn't former military reacts this way. Then, it's an affectation. It has all the authenticity of someone saying "you talk the talk- do you walk the walk?" before a Bocce-Ball match. You have the right to say this, but I also have the right to put you in my imaginary box labelled "Summer's Eve" on the outside.
Again- to IE- thank you for an interesting side topic, sir!
Great response CTP. Thank you for the eloquently stated response!
I'll never understand the notion of creating "distance", via language. To me, that reads like the person believe in social classes, tiers of valuation if you will. I want to create distance due to the fact I am X, and you are Y, and my position holds more value in society, than you. Of course, I could be misconstruing that. Obviously there are certain jobs and positions where you need to have a degree of separation, but that to me, is more about the job itself and not one person having more inherent value than the other, though I've often seen the line blurred there.
I loathe the idea that a job or financial standing is some sort of prestigious pedestal in which to stand on over someone else. Some of the nicest, hardest working people I've met, have jobs that by traditional measures would be considered less than. Farmers, janitorial workers. Service industry types. Those people are not beneath me and I will never allow myself or my son to view them as such. To view and judge someone based on their earnings or where they got a degree from for example, greatly irks me.
I've done the military thing. Went to college after that, paid for largely by my service. I make good money at this stage of my life, but have reached the pinnacle of where I will personally allow myself to go, because going further up the ladder, would greatly impact my ability to be a parent to my son and enjoy the activities that I do enjoy doing, like the ATD for example. Money and titles mean so very little to me. I own my own home, my car is paid off, and I don't live paycheck to paycheck, thankfully, and understand that I'm blessed to be in that position. Having a life beyond work is incredibly important to me, as I think the United States, especially has long adopted, er, been indoctrinated, in the "live to work" ideology vs the "work to live" that other 1st world nations have gravitated towards in recent times.
In the Air Force, I was in a flying career, which ironically, makes up less than 2% of the entire force (that always amused me given the name of the branch). I was fortunate enough to have one of the few jobs that put me in direct contact with officers and enlisted alike, and our missions took us all over the world, though given the time frame (2002-2006) mainly combat areas like Iraq, Afghanistan and just about every other area in the Middle East/SW Asia (also got into North Africa a few times). I went to restaurants, bars, site seeing tours, etc, with officers even though I was enlisted. We called each other by our first names generally, unless in formal settings, which was not common for most other military members. In that way, I was very fortunate to have a more human (less robotic) relationship with most of my comrades. I always cherished that, and still do many years later.
I don't recall anyone being offended or correcting me on the use of sir, though we're talking nearly 2 decades of time having passed. But again, I probably referred to my colleagues by their actual names more than a rank or sir, especially outside the US. I've experienced far more resistance to the usage of sir in the civilian arena, by people, who were never in the military.
