OT: Anything Goes 33: What'cha Drinking?

[TLEH]

Anyone in here listen to Spittin Chiclets?

 

[BK]

Anyone in here listen to Spittin Chiclets?

I do.

 

[TLEH]

I do.

I have been listening for a good while now and was just wondering how many people in here listen to it. I think its hilarious and gets me through my work days.

 

[CourtneyDagger50]

Has anyone here been to South America? I’m thinking of going somewhere there as my first time out of the country. Macchu Picchu and Buenos Aires are the two places I’m looking hardest at right now.

I think I'm traumatized by Macchu Picchu from when Toews went there and that was some folks's excuse for why he was playing poorly

 

[DisgruntledHawkFan]

Anyone in here listen to Spittin Chiclets?

The Sopel episode was awesome. They’re very frat bro but a lot of hockey players are and they get current and former players to come out of PR vanilla mode.

 

[TLEH]

The Sopel episode was awesome. They’re very frat bro but a lot of hockey players are and they get current and former players to come out of PR vanilla mode.

my favorite episode is the one with Teddy Purcell

 

[Crow]

Machu Picchu, easy decision.

What else is there to do, what else is it like there aside from the main attraction?

 

[Crow]

I think I'm traumatized by Macchu Picchu from when Toews went there and that was some folks's excuse for why he was playing poorly

I am guessing you won’t be visiting any country clubs any time soon then.

 

[BK]

my favorite episode is the one with Teddy Purcell

That one was good. Ryan Malone was good as well.

 

[migi]

Not sure if this is the right thread for this but I'm sure modes will move this to the right place if necessary.

I have been kind of down lately and have been pretty inactive in every aspect of my life. Yeah, I still go to work, gym and any of those regular activities which are the juice of my life but I think I'm running out for good. I don't have the energy to even read these threads here which might be the number #1 thing in my life currently.

Yeah, it's kind of sad to say this because all of you guys are going to say that there are a lot of fishes in the sea and I know it, but this (yeah, it's a girl) is just something else. I've had my history with women and most of them haven't ended well, maybe because I'm kind of mentally sick (I'm having some hyperactivity disorder, but not ADHD, they tested me first time when I was a child) which affects my thinking and processing stuff. I'm always thinking and I can't help it. It's usually "cute" and it helps me a lot with different things, so basically more good than bad, I can think stuff many ways and from different opinions very fast but the fact is that it has also really ruined stuff. Sometimes I think too much. I'm always looking for reasons. I'm always doubting myself and trying to find some flaws. And it makes my head explode and sometimes I make other's life pretty hard because of that.

Fast-forwarding to present. I kind of met my soulmate. She is everything I'm always dreamed off. Yeah, you who have been there you know the feeling. We have been dating for a month now and I think my over-thinking ruined it yesterday. I'm really good in reading people but this girl I just can't read. She doesn't want to speak about feelings and it makes my head go nuts. And yesterday I think I said something too much because she hang up on me with the phone. Hasn't answered to me and I haven't slept at all. Yeah, my friends said that she is probably just thinking what I said and bla bla bla, I get it. I'm just thinking so much currently and have been thinking a lot since we met first time. It makes me vomit that I can't really know what she thinks because she doesn't say anything. Yeah, actions speak more than words. For me, it doesn't.

Gosh, I'm not sure why I wrote this. Maybe because I'm scared. Maybe because I'm crying. I'm really starting to get depressed and this isn't the first time. People will say that go to talk about it. I do it every once in a while regularly and in last month I've met the right people 3 times already. It just doesn't seem to help me. And yesterday was just... Yeah.

 

[ColdSteel2]

@migi

You remind me of how I used to be. I don’t really know what to say to help you. The thinking all of the time is good when it’s positive stuff. Like you said, it’s a strength. But yeah, I totally understand how it is the other way.

I mean, with this girl specifically, if she values herself highly, she’s probably not going to want to rush into anything serious. And you falling for her so quick, that’s going to scare her not because of you as much as she doesn’t feel the same way yet. So definitely don’t beat yourself up over the minute details of what you said, she probably already knew. Definitely don’t try to contact her for awhile. Try to get to a happy place alone. Then maybe even go on a date with a different girl, that never hurts. Other than that, just forgive yourself, nothing is worth holding onto. I know that’s really hard to do but you have to do that.

And take a break from here.

 

[x Tame Impala]

No person that cares about you and is a mature adult is going to hang up on you and not talk to you for a day.

Unless you cheated on her or killed her cat, she’s acting like a selfish child

 

[hawksrule]

Sounds like a combination of she’s not that into you and you’re smothering her. Coldsteel’s nicer than I am and put it more delicately, but take a deep breath and pick yourself up off the mat.

 

[Toews2Bickell]

Forgive yourself for sure. The pain is temporary. Also x1000 to what cs, tame, and hawksrule said. Just pick yourself up, hit the gym, etc, live your normal life and try to pick things back up with her in future with no expectations.

The expectation is probably applicable to so many relationships in life. People can be very fickle and things can end out of nowhere. Just don’t let self worth be determined by another person/relationship

 

[DisgruntledHawkFan]

No person that cares about you and is a mature adult is going to hang up on you and not talk to you for a day.

Unless you cheated on her or killed her cat, she’s acting like a selfish child

This. If she doesn’t want to talk about feelings she’s either not into you or damaged.

 

[Easy E]

Picked up some Billy Joel tickets for October concert. I hear he puts on a good show.

Anyone see him before?

 

[Illinihockey]

Fast-forwarding to present. I kind of met my soulmate. She is everything I'm always dreamed off. Yeah, you who have been there you know the feeling. We have been dating for a month now and I think my over-thinking ruined it yesterday. I'm really good in reading people but this girl I just can't read. She doesn't want to speak about feelings and it makes my head go nuts. And yesterday I think I said something too much because she hang up on me with the phone. Hasn't answered to me and I haven't slept at all. Yeah, my friends said that she is probably just thinking what I said and bla bla bla, I get it. I'm just thinking so much currently and have been thinking a lot since we met first time. It makes me vomit that I can't really know what she thinks because she doesn't say anything. Yeah, actions speak more than words. For me, it doesn't.

Gosh, I'm not sure why I wrote this. Maybe because I'm scared. Maybe because I'm crying. I'm really starting to get depressed and this isn't the first time. People will say that go to talk about it. I do it every once in a while regularly and in last month I've met the right people 3 times already. It just doesn't seem to help me. And yesterday was just... Yeah.

So since you posted it here I suspect you want feedback. Here is mine

1. There are no soulmates. I'm fairly old now and am super happy with my marriage. My wife is great and I love her dearly but I realize I probably could have been happy with any number of women. Every girl is going to have things you like and things you don't. Which brings me to point 2

2. This girl has lots of things you like, so you say she's your soulmate but you are totally discounting that she sounds like a manipulative and/or callous bitch. You have to weigh both sides of the scale when talking about someone being your soulmate, bringing me to point 3.

3. You've been dating a month, this is infatuation, not love. You need to realize this. You are infatuated with this girl and she may not be with you. It sucks but you can't make this girl like you in the same way you like her. You can't force it by trying to talk her into it. Guess what, you'll find another girl that likes you back and treats your right and then you'll think back and wonder why the f*** you ever gave this other girl the time of day.

4. You don't want to hear it, but there are a lot of fish in the sea. That saying doesn't help when other fish aren't biting, but they will. No girl is worth torturing yourself about and I don't know a single successful relationship/marriage where one person treated the other one like shit for an extended period of time but then gave in and started reciprocating the same feelings. You need to find something else to occupy your time and need to figure out how to be ok being alone. If you need a relationship to be happy, you'll never be actually happy which means your relationships will always fail.

Sorry you're infatuated with a chick that kind of sucks. It literally happens to all of us. Don't torture yourself over it. Not trying to minimize your feeling but one day you'll look back and be like, holy shit I can't believe i used to be so emo when I was young.

 

[migi]

@Illinihockey @Toews2Bickell @hawksrule @x Tame Impala @ColdSteel2

Thanks guys for the feedback but I think you guys miss understood me slightly, because of how I typed it and my English. My problem is that I think too much and I'm sick. I'm in fact really sick. It's not only about this girl. It's about all the girls which I've met and all the things in my life which I care about. Some things I can handle, like stressing about work, gym and stuff. But for example this is one thing I can't handle. I'm familiar with break-ups and I'm pretty easy-going with them personally. This time, she made me think about everything too much. Not saying she did anything wrong, it's all about me.

My opening was about my health and my mind. Well obviously this girl affected it a lot but yeah, it's not uncommon for me. I fight with this every single day and now I'm feeling worse than ever. There are stuff which affects it everyday and the ending of last year was pretty hard. And now this, when I thought I was getting a lot better, felt like someone pushed me off the bridge.

Yeah, we talked today and she said she wants to see me. She said she was a bit scared how much she like me after 1 month so she panicked. I'm glad and happy, but the thing is: I think if she is lying or just telling what I want to hear. I'm always thinking about different scenarios and can't think anything good could happen to me. Story of my life. I've had treatment but nothing has worked in long-run. But maybe someday.

That is how sick my mind is. And days like this I just can't get up from bed.

Didn't want to bring any negativity here. And I think you guys don't like it either. So I'm sorry for that.

 

[CourtneyDagger50]

Hey Migi!

It's honestly super brave of you to open up and be vulnerable like that. I'm glad you can trust us and find this is a safe place to come.

I guess I'll come in here with a female perspective and as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression. I'm not sure exactly if you struggle with those, you mentioned other disorders, but everyone is different and I can't assume. These things can flat out just knock you on your ass. It can make little things seem huge or sometimes they just take the life right out of you if you're already struggling. Not saying that what you're dealing with is small, it's not. Relationships are hard and I think many people are out there looking for someone who makes them feel good. It sounds like she does this for you. I'm sorry you're going through this man. I know you also mentioned treatments, but are you in therapy right now? It could help.

As for how she's acting, I personally wouldn't hang up on someone, but maybe she is struggling on her own? It sounds like a bit of immaturity, but I know nothing about her so I'm not going to judge. Talking about feelings can be tough and opening up can be scary, so maybe she was just scared. I think we can all agree she went about this poorly. But that isn't a reflection on you and your character.

We are always here to help. Good luck, man. We're rooting for you

 

[DisgruntledHawkFan]

@Illinihockey @Toews2Bickell @hawksrule @x Tame Impala @ColdSteel2

Thanks guys for the feedback but I think you guys miss understood me slightly, because of how I typed it and my English. My problem is that I think too much and I'm sick. I'm in fact really sick. It's not only about this girl. It's about all the girls which I've met and all the things in my life which I care about. Some things I can handle, like stressing about work, gym and stuff. But for example this is one thing I can't handle. I'm familiar with break-ups and I'm pretty easy-going with them personally. This time, she made me think about everything too much. Not saying she did anything wrong, it's all about me.

My opening was about my health and my mind. Well obviously this girl affected it a lot but yeah, it's not uncommon for me. I fight with this every single day and now I'm feeling worse than ever. There are stuff which affects it everyday and the ending of last year was pretty hard. And now this, when I thought I was getting a lot better, felt like someone pushed me off the bridge.

Yeah, we talked today and she said she wants to see me. She said she was a bit scared how much she like me after 1 month so she panicked. I'm glad and happy, but the thing is: I think if she is lying or just telling what I want to hear. I'm always thinking about different scenarios and can't think anything good could happen to me. Story of my life. I've had treatment but nothing has worked in long-run. But maybe someday.

That is how sick my mind is. And days like this I just can't get up from bed.

Didn't want to bring any negativity here. And I think you guys don't like it either. So I'm sorry for that.

It sounds like you should speak with a mental health professional. Wish nothing but the best for you. Good luck man.

 

[migi]

Hey Migi!

It's honestly super brave of you to open up and be vulnerable like that. I'm glad you can trust us and find this is a safe place to come.

I guess I'll come in here with a female perspective and as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression. I'm not sure exactly if you struggle with those, you mentioned other disorders, but everyone is different and I can't assume. These things can flat out just knock you on your ass. It can make little things seem huge or sometimes they just take the life right out of you if you're already struggling. Not saying that what you're dealing with is small, it's not. Relationships are hard and I think many people are out there looking for someone who makes them feel good. It sounds like she does this for you. I'm sorry you're going through this man. I know you also mentioned treatments, but are you in therapy right now? It could help.

As for how she's acting, I personally wouldn't hang up on someone, but maybe she is struggling on her own? It sounds like a bit of immaturity, but I know nothing about her so I'm not going to judge. Talking about feelings can be tough and opening up can be scary, so maybe she was just scared. I think we can all agree she went about this poorly. But that isn't a reflection on you and your character.

We are always here to help. Good luck, man. We're rooting for you

It sounds like you should speak with a mental health professional. Wish nothing but the best for you. Good luck man.

Thank you both, means a lot. I try to answer better later especially for you Courtney.

But yeah, regularly I see a professional and going to see her again on Friday. Last couple years meetings have been occasionally like once in a month or two but in last couple months a lot more often because of work-related stress and other personal stuff. It helps, kind of. Now little things feels bigger than they are but that is just how I feel and think of them.

Maybe eventually I’m mentally healthy or maybe not, but I want to learn how to live with it. I’m already 26 years old haha and still battling it, like I did when I was a teenager.

 

[Hattrick Kane]

Thank you both, means a lot. I try to answer better later especially for you Courtney.

But yeah, regularly I see a professional and going to see her again on Friday. Last couple years meetings have been occasionally like once in a month or two but in last couple months a lot more often because of work-related stress and other personal stuff. It helps, kind of. Now little things feels bigger than they are but that is just how I feel and think of them.

Maybe eventually I’m mentally healthy or maybe not, but I want to learn how to live with it. I’m already 26 years old haha and still battling it, like I did when I was a teenager.

Mental illness unfortunately isn’t something that you grow out of. But there are ways to cope and get healthier. You’re in a bad spot right now, but it doesn’t last forever if you’re willing to allow yourself to get better.

Sometimes you gotta take a step back and reevaluate what you want in life, what need to do to get there, and how you can improve yourself on that journey. The important thing to know is you absolutely can get better, and I have faith that you will.

 

[Kaners Bald Spot]

Since we're on the dating/relationships tangent, I'll bring up my own issues:
Ok so I want some advice about this, especially from women if possible(I know there aren't a lot on here, but there are a few)
Anyway, I've been trying to do online dating for about a year now, but nobody responds to me. I'm open about being on the spectrum, because I live at home at age 32 and it is hard to explain that to a date in their 30s otherwise. I have thought about dating in my friend group's age range(mid-20s), but I don't feel like I have as much in in common with regard to shared life experiences with people in their mid to late 20s as I do with people in their early or mid 30s, when it comes to what I want in a partner.

I had one serious relationship with a woman on the spectrum. It ended horribly, due to spectrum related issues (not communicating/miscommunication, misunderstanding personal space, etc.) I learned a lot from it,(most notably what I want in a partner) and also learned that she wasn't the right person for me. I probably don't want to date another woman on the spectrum again. Communication is really important to a healthy relationship and when both people struggle in that regard it makes understanding each other nearly impossible. This was the only SO I have ever had btw.

I absolutely do not want kids ever. I have a hard enough time dealing with my own responsibilities, and I don't need anymore complications. Not to mention that there is a strong genetic component to autism and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

My questions are:
1) Should I be up front about my autism, living situation, etc?
2) If the answer to 1) is no, then when is it appropriate to share that info?
3) How should I approach sending a message to someone I'm interested in?
4) I am either really shy or incredibly outgoing, depending on how comfortable I am with a person.
5) I also tend to at best, misunderstand, and at worst completely break personal boundaries when it comes to follow up/phone calls. How do I explain this to a date without ruining it? I'm not trying to be pushy I just want to know if they're interested or not. (this is a question for the ladies) I really don't want to come across as creepy or anything.
Thanks for your help,
KBS

 

[LDF]

Since we're on the dating/relationships tangent, I'll bring up my own issues:
Ok so I want some advice about this, especially from women if possible(I know there aren't a lot on here, but there are a few)
Anyway, I've been trying to do online dating for about a year now, but nobody responds to me. I'm open about being on the spectrum, because I live at home at age 32 and it is hard to explain that to a date in their 30s otherwise. I have thought about dating in my friend group's age range(mid-20s), but I don't feel like I have as much in in common with regard to shared life experiences with people in their mid to late 20s as I do with people in their early or mid 30s, when it comes to what I want in a partner.

I had one serious relationship with a woman on the spectrum. It ended horribly, due to spectrum related issues (not communicating/miscommunication, misunderstanding personal space, etc.) I learned a lot from it,(most notably what I want in a partner) and also learned that she wasn't the right person for me. I probably don't want to date another woman on the spectrum again. Communication is really important to a healthy relationship and when both people struggle in that regard it makes understanding each other nearly impossible. This was the only SO I have ever had btw.

I absolutely do not want kids ever. I have a hard enough time dealing with my own responsibilities, and I don't need anymore complications. Not to mention that there is a strong genetic component to autism and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

My questions are:
1) Should I be up front about my autism, living situation, etc?
2) If the answer to 1) is no, then when is it appropriate to share that info?
3) How should I approach sending a message to someone I'm interested in?
4) I am either really shy or incredibly outgoing, depending on how comfortable I am with a person.
5) I also tend to at best, misunderstand, and at worst completely break personal boundaries when it comes to follow up/phone calls. How do I explain this to a date without ruining it? I'm not trying to be pushy I just want to know if they're interested or not. (this is a question for the ladies) I really don't want to come across as creepy or anything.
Thanks for your help,
KBS

there comes a time that there is no answers to life problems.... i got to give you alot of credit for dealing with this and your wishes..... i truly wish you the best .....

 

[ColdSteel2]

This is difficult because it is hard to fully grasp what it is like to be you. I would suggest reading about people’s experiences of both dating with autism and people without it who dated people with it to better prepare yourself for common situations you may encounter. Perhaps there is a forum on this topic. I’ll say this much, I didn’t know you had it until you started talking about it.

IMO, you seem like you have some anxiety, at least about this. Try to work on that. Hit the gym, eat healthy, don’t be too hard on yourself, that stuff helps everyone.

As for your questions:

1. Give as little information about yourself as possible. Just live in the moment and try to have a good time with whoever you spend time with. She’ll ask questions about you. It’s better that way than spitting everything out too soon. Take things really slow.

2. Well, you need to be able to read the specific person to know that. I would say many dates in and not until you are somewhat close with this woman.

3. I don’t have experience with online dating. I’m sure there are people here who do though that can offer good advice. I’d say keep it casual and short. Give a genuine compliment. Try to find something in the profile you have in common and bring that up.

4. Don’t get in your own head so much. Just have fun on the date. When you do go on a date, try to make it an activity rather than a dinner or something where there’s a lot of talking.

5. This is a question better left for the ladies. I just sense when we’re vibing and go in for the kiss.

Since you said you definitely don’t want kids and want to date a woman in her 30’s, have you given any thought to dating a single mom? Also, I think you could really benefit from befriending a woman and letting her help you. Good luck brother, just keep improving the things you can control.