ahem
WHENCEFORT, until not, the time eclipses 60 half-minutes past 7…the devils of new jersey will indeed face hockey players who have agreed to represent the city where ben franklin transferred diseases including, but not limited to, the venereal variety to unbeknownst ladies of the night- diseases flying back and forth betwixt franklin and his conquest on any given night, emitting a low pitched hum and a hot misty steam as they slammed into each other…in a game of hockey, to be played upon ice.
if….and ONLY IF…the devils can indeed take their golden wooden dicks of yore, and strike the vulcanized rubber in such a way that it cannot be blocked or impeded by the goaltender as it travels its way, through time and space, across a little red line it has never met before…and…(this is key)…MORE times that the flyers can take their shriveled pine and perform likewise tasks unto that same puck, or one which has taken its place…the official NHL offices in Manhattan will have no choice but to take our points total- currently at half-4- and add another half-four to our total, thus rendering us with a full 4 points. Across the internet, across the newspapers, across this country and across the universe…a “win†will be recorded for the Devils of New Jersey, whilst the Flyers of Philadelphia will add another 0 to their respective point totals.
one key to this game will be skating. a big part of skating is tying the laces. Adorned on the walls of the Devils locker room, scrawled throughout the Hockey Hall of Fame, and etched permanently in every hockey fan’s mind is the song that is as well known as the winged pegasus; as traveled as one of Franklin’s chunks of crotch-rot, as timeless as time itself. One could almost say…it is a key “principal†to the game: OVER! UNDER! IN AND OUT! THAT’S WHAT SHOE TYING IS ALL ABOUT!!!
Let us knot tie them too tightly! Let us knot tie one skate to the other! Let us put our skates on in such a fashion so as blisters will not rise up from our Deviled skin! As Gordie Howe once famously said, “Put your skates on correctly, and the rest will take care of itsef.†LET US WIN. ONE SKATE AT A TIME.