I'll give my $0.02 as someone that is a bit older, probably like Spicey Porkins.
A lot has changed both in Raleigh and Durham since I've been here, and for the better. Although it's not the only reason, the American Tobacco campus really changed things up for Durham. And for Raleigh, the downtown was pretty much a ghost town not too long ago after 5pm on Friday (except for Glenwood) and that's changed also. Now, I frequent both places regularly, but I like them for different reasons. I don't live in Raleigh or Durham. I live probably 15 min. southwest of Raleigh in a more "suburban" neighborhood as that was more suited to my family when I moved here.
Durham, I really only spend time around the American Tobacco Campus and Brightleaf square. Not that there aren't other areas worth visiting, just that Durham is a bit of a drive for me and I enjoy those two areas uniquely over some areas in Raleigh. I probably go to some sort of show or concert at DPAC almost monthly and it is a fantastic venue, one of the best I've been to in the US. The Arts scene (if you are into that), is a little more "out there" in Durham. More modern style art that pushes the envelope. The food truck scene and restaurants are also very good in Durham, but I can't say I enjoy the restaurants in Durham more than in the Raleigh/Cary/Apex/Holly Springs area.
As for Raleigh, the addition of more condos/residences in downtown, the addition of the Amphitheater, the opening up on Fayetteville, the addition of businesses (Like Redhat downtown), etc....all brought the need for more bars, restaurants, galleries, music, nightlife, etc... to downtown Raleigh. I love the music scene in Raleigh. Lincoln Theatre, Pour House, Southland Ballroom, Kings, etc... are all some of my favorite small venues. They are smaller, more intimate venues, but still get some fantastic bands. I also like places like the Cat's Cradle in Carborro and the Haw River Ballroom in Saxapahaw as well, but those are quite a drive from me. The Arts scene is probably a bit bigger in the Raleigh area, but a bit more traditional, although there is still more modern stuff out there. Some of the stuff at Artspace, I just shake my head. I still wouldn't call the Raleigh art scene big though, but they are making strides to make Raleigh a destination spot for Arts in the Southeast.
Both Raleigh and Durham have a lot to offer IMO, and there are plenty of places to live outside the downtown and still get downtown in 15 minutes or so.