Captain Dave Poulin
Imaginary Cat
Welcome To The 20/21 Flyers Board NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot, LUCKY PHASE THIRTEEN! Part One!
We have picked a lot of shit in our time on these docks waiting to leave the steaming shitvent that is Planet Earth. We’ve selected beers, sponsors, sports teams, outerwear, instruments, babes, pigs, perverts, cereals and killers, among other things. It has been quite a rush, and quite a challenge for the illiterates.
But now we have come to the real heroin of the endeavor. The good stuff. The addictive spike to the neurons. The one we have all been waiting for, even though we didn’t know it. This one kicks all of the ass.
THE BAND
So here’s the deal - you are making your own supergroup. I’m not going to sit here and tell you how many people you should have in your band, nor am I about to tell you what kind of music they should play, but we have to have rules (now that we have lost all of our standards) or guidelines or parameters or whatever. I want you to think about this. If you pick a trumpeter, for example, that means that you will have trumpet in basically all of your songs, because otherwise he or she would just be standing around feeding the ducks. Do you want all your songs to have trumpet, or can you live without it? That’s the dilemma. If they play trumpet in addition to something else, then you have options. If you have five guitarists, can you live with yourself when you have basically recreated the f***ing Eagles? Curate, edit, craft your group carefully.
So what we are going to do is say that you can have BETWEEN THREE AND SIX total members of your band. That means that different people will have different numbers of picks, but that’s OK. Part of this process is the strategy of prioritizing getting your stuff before someone else can snipe it. Members of bands and groups (KPop etc.) which have already been selected are NOT eligible for this, but members of bands whose songs have been selected ARE eligible for this list unless they were already taken in something else (no duplicates).
So using my stuff as an example - you can not pick Mac McCaughan, the singer and guitarist from Superchunk, because that is my team band, and you can not choose singer Jennie from BLACKPINK, because that is my wife and my KPop group, but you could choose Japanese singer BoA because she is just the singer of my excellent, stirring minor-league goal song.
Here is the other thing - you can only have ONE MEMBER PER BAND FROM REAL LIFE. Let’s use the Beatles as an example, since they are already taken and this won’t constitute pick-tipping. If you choose John, you couldn’t choose Paul, George, or Ringo, because they were all in the Beatles IRL. We can also only take ONE MEMBER PER BAND FROM OUR FRANCHISE. So I can only take one member from Superchunk, and one member from BLACKPINK. See what I mean?
I apologize for this huge block of text, but it is worth it so we can get it right. This is an extremely cool category, and an exercise I have been doing in my head for years, so I am very happy Asnito suggested it. A couple of you aren’t hugely into music, I think, but we have run out of hockey shit to pick for the moment (which is a relief to many of us). If you have any questions just ask me, but learn to read first if you haven’t already.
So here are the rules:
- 3-6 members
- No members of bands or groups already taken
- Members of bands that do Team Songs, Team Albums, etc. are eligible unless otherwise taken (no duplicates)
- Only one member per band from real life per franchise
- Only one member per band that we already have as part of our franchise
When you pick you have to tell me what they play and/or if they sing (just like an album’s liner notes), but you don’t have to tell anyone you are finished picking band members until you are finished with all your picks for this phase. That way no one will know if they have to hurry to get their band member before we get to you - it makes for more exciting strategy. This category is going to destroy mja’s mind, which is hilarious. We will give our supergroup a name at the end of the phase.
- Member (phrasing)
- Member (phrasing)
- Member (phrasing)
- Member (phrasing) *
- Member (phrasing) *
- Member (phrasing) *
* if necessary
THE RATIONAL SHIT
Remember that your very survival in the new world could depend on these choices in ways we could never imagine, and your very enjoyment in surviving will definitely depend on these choices in ways that only I and my team of crack (pipe) scientists could ever imagine.
Unless otherwise stated, the people and things below can be anyone/anything except people/things that have already been explicitly picked OR cause conflict with our “No Duplicates” law of the new universe. Please don’t pick any more members of this forum for anything. There are so many reasons, but rather than go into it, let’s just not.
- Team Guilty Pleasure - “Something, such as a movie, television program, or piece of music, that one enjoys despite feeling that it is not generally held in high regard.” The Quackverse management will determine if the thing you choose is a guilty pleasure or not. Remember that it has to be something which is ostensibly crap, but which you like anyway.
- Team Board/Tabletop Game - Jojo has a distinct advantage here, having played more of the adult versions of these than the rest of us combined, but there are also about a billion board games which are “appropriate for all ages.”
- Team Dinosaur - Some of you grew up loving dinosaurs - I didn’t, even though I was born closer to the time of dinosaurs than most of you fetuses. I never had the time. I was too busy hauling buckets of water uphill in the snow both ways to school. But pick your team dinosaur. It is the only dinosaur you can have in the Quackverse. I am not entirely sure how much sense that makes, but we are so far beyond the point of sense now that we can’t even see it in the distance behind us. Let’s say that we are able to tame or hire or use a dinosaur in some way - this is yours. It will probably roam somewhere near your Team Cactus, if that helps.
- Team Classic Movie - You get to bring one movie from before 1955. Can’t be a film by a director who was already taken. This pick will not effect our future Directors Draft if we end up doing that. I know not all of you love old movies, but there are plenty to choose from that are very well-known, so don’t have your period over it if you aren’t excited.
- Team College Football Team - This is cool as shit, and I can’t believe we didn’t think of it before. I don’t remember anyone taking one before, but check the spreadsheet just in case. Let’s f***ing go.
- Team European Football Club - This is cool as shit too, obviously. You have to check the spreadsheet on this one, because I know some of these have been taken. For those of us who already have one, we will take another. If you have one and take another, you can tell me to switch them. So for example, my “Team European Football Club” would be Liverpool, and my “Team Non-Defunct Franchise” would be the new European Football Club I select in this phase. I would not be able to just pick any non-defunct sports franchise - only European Football Clubs are eligible to be selected. They have to be in Europe - this is not “pick any soccer team in the world.” Europe only.
- Team GIF - Possibly the greatest of all the categories, and certainly the greatest lately, courtesy of the head Hollywood cheese. You get one gif to bring with you to the new world, and one gif only. Choose wisely, because it is the only one you will be able to use when we launch HockeysFutures Boards Quackverse Edition.
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Here is a list of the bands/musicians I have seen taken. Let me know if any are missing. Remember that singers of Team Songs and bands of Team Albums are available as long as they aren't otherwise taken.
The Bikini Bottom Super Band
The Clash
David Bowie
Rush
Gregory Michael Davis
Claude Scott
Weird Al Yankovic
The Bronx/Mariachi El Bronx
Sebadoh
The Miles Davis Quintet
Chvrches
Prince
AC/DC
Superchunk
Sir Mix-A-Lot
Huey Lewis and the News
Switchfoot
The Who
Beatles
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
Wet Leg
Archers of Loaf
The Grateful Dead
Teenage Fanclub
Remember: “Chaos” is not the same thing as “Havoc.” Engage in the former, not the latter. We have a whole ton of stuff left over for LUCKY PHASE THIRTEEN! so don’t worry if categories you wanted aren’t in here - I will champion them later with the boss.
For the first round, we will give everyone 12 hours to get revved up again - for all the succeeding rounds, it will be six hours. The daily clock starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 10 p.m., all times Eastern. This is a MONGOOSE DRAFT, which is the same functionally as a snake draft, but isn’t named after the turboc*** of the animal world.
Don't forget to tag the next person in your pick post AND send a PM.
DRAFT ORDER
Striiker - Allentown Attack
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Asnito - Tijuana Toads
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
Striiker - Allentown Attack
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Asnito - Tijuana Toads
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
RIVALRIES
| HOST | RIVAL | |
| Allentown Attack | vs | New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins |
| Chicago Chimpanzees | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Honolulu Ghibli | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Jacksonville Methgators | vs | Tampa Bay Firesticks |
| Las Vegas Desert Ducks | vs | Providence Platypi |
| Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha! | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| Los Angeles Whalers | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Montreal Sexpos | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins | vs | Allentown Attack |
| New York M.A.D. Cats | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Philadelphia Villains | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Portland Fog | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Providence Platypi | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Quebec Lapins | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Seattle Sockeyes | vs | Vancouver Beavers |
| St. Paul Stay Pufts | vs | Tijuana Toads |
| Tampa Bay Firesticks | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Tijuana Toads | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Vancouver Beavers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Virginia Beach Surge | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
NO NAMING NAMES, NO PICK TIPPING, NO ICE CREAM BANTER, NO TWITCH SHIT, SNITCHES GET STITCHES!
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
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