Literally Ripped: The Jiminy Cricket McDiet™ (Personal trainers HATE him!)

[Jiminy Cricket]

U`ve all heard, Vegetable`s, Vegetable`s, Vegetable`s.

Well Throw away the f***in`g Salad folk`s, Because U`ve been doin`g it ALL WRONG.

I`m Jame`s Crick and I`m going 2 show u How to Pig out on McDonald`s® 24/7 and Still Be Built Like a Brick Shit House.

I`m Goin`g 2 Give U The Key`s 2 the Castle so u Can Be #LiterallySwole like Me.

As U`ll know, I have a Incredible body, but It Didn`t McSculpt Itselve.

It Took Carevul McPlannin`g, `n` Here`s how U Can Achief the Same Resul`t`s in Jus`t 3 E`Z` Step`z:

Step 1: Bregfast

For Breakfas`t We`re goin`g with the Proofen Classic: The Bacon, Egg, `n` Cheese McBiscuit:

This will Get You`re day Start`d Ovv Rite with Ronald`s fines`t Work: A Unbeatable Breakfast.

Calorable`s: 450
Protein: 18 Gramb`s

Step 2: Lumch

Lumch will be the Classic Chicken Sandwitch™, Also known As Budget Chick`Fil`A:

The Classic Chicken Samwich™ will give u an Gr8 Protein 2 Calorable Ratio while S`till Maintainin`g that Delicious Crispy Chicken Taste. Grill`d Chicken is for f***in`g Nerd`s.

Calorance`s: 510
Protein: 25 Graham`s

PLUS

An McDouble, also Known as the Poverty Burger:

U Literally Can`t go wrong here Folk`s, it`s the Gr8est Value Burger ever `n` You`re Literally Fueling You`re Muscle`s with it.

Calorance`s: 390
Protein: 22 Gramn`s

Step 3: Din Din

For Din Din We`re Braking out the BIG DADDY: the DOUBLE Quarter Pounder, WITH CHEESE:

Ronald is Not f***in`g around, Folk`s. You Want Protein, U got it, All Pack`d in2 1 Delicious Taste. Don`t 4get Catsup!

Calorance`s: 770
Protein: 51 Gramb`s

GRAND TOTAL`S:
Calorama`s: 2120
Protein: 116 GRAHAM`S

BUT WAIT, THERE`S MORE!

AFTERBURN: For when You`re Muscle`s are Burnin`g and the Calorance`s are Literally Melting away, Your Gonna Need Alot More then That. This Part is Literally up 2 U But I Recommend McDubble`s or AnNother Protein Source PLUS Ramp up Your Calorable Calorable`s with 3 Chocolate Chip Cookie`s for jus`t $ONE DOLLAR. Literally 510 DELICIOUS Cal Cal`s for only $1.00 Dollar. `n` Don`t forget Ronald`s World Famous Frie`s™ `n` Wash it All Down with an Coke-An Cola-An® and U`ll have the Energy 2 Pump iron @ the Jim for Hour`s `n` Hour`s `n `Hour`s `n` Hour`s.

SO THERE U HAVE IT FOLK`S, SIMPLY FOLLOW THIS DIET PLAN AND U`LL BE LITERALLY RIPPED IN NO TIME! THANK U, MAY GOSH BLESS U, AND MAY GOSH BLESS RONALD MCDONALD.

Click to read more...

 

[Urblock]

Gosh bless McDonald`s® and @Jiminy Cricket for this solid andvice

 

[ViktorBaeArvidsson]

Idk if I can do this diet. But it sounds affordable and tasty. However, I’m gonna have to swap out the biscuit for break fast with their amazing Bacon Egg and Cheese Bagel, with that Big Mac Sauce oh god it makes me hungry just typing it. Also that classic American Cheese mhmmm

 

[Bumpus]

Your lunch selection sucks.

 

[deepdark]

and only 111g of fats!

 

[John Price]

gosh bless

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

No wonder you’re a lardass OP

 

[irunthepeg]

1g per lb of lean bodyweight in a natural is around what you want to target. good job getting those graham`s @Jiminy Cricket

 

[HansonBro]

Your shirt says UFC...your body says KFC. But thats none of our business

 

[John Price]

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ mah man!!!

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Your shirt says UFC...your body says KFC.

 

[Mantis]

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ mah man!!!

Now wtf did you do to your username you idiot.

 

[John Price]

Now wtf did you do to your username you idiot.

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ mah man!!!

 

[Mantis]

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ mah man!!!

Justice League sucked ass

 

[John Price]

Justice League sucked ass

it did

all the DC movies suck

 

[John Price]

But don't tell that DC homer that who used to post in Lounge.

"BvS was actually a good movie"

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I've lost 6 inches off my waist since switching to the Jiminy Cricket McDiet™. Eat the fewd, lose the weight. It really is that simple. And it's carefully formulated so you get all the nutrients you need. I actually have more energy throughout the day and can finally play with my kids again. Thank you, James, and may Ronald bless you.

 

[John Price]

(Personal trainers HATE him!)

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

STFU

 

[Nemesis Prime]

Where do all the chickens come from for all these chicken wings?? I love chickeen wings but I just killed 4 chickens for my wings and a million people are eating chicken wings at the same time. Where are all the chickens???

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

Eat the fewd, lose the weight. I just told my nutritionist about the Jiminy Cricket McDiet™. She was impressed with my weight loss so far but lectured me about the amount of sodium I'm taking in. That is an absolute load of horse crap, as sodium is a key electrolyte that must be replenished after workouts. It just goes to show how deep this rabbit hole goes when even nutritionists don't want you to find out about these secrets. Eat the fewd, lose the weight. The Jiminy Cricket McDiet™ really works.

 

[The Crypto Guy]

STFU

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

20 Year`s ago they said egg`s will kill u, they have too many Cholesterol. Now they say u may eat egg`s. They said u need a low fat diet, now it is low carb. They don`t know what the hell they are talking about. With so many myth`s going around, who can u really trust. Look at the result`s. The Jiminy Cricket McDiet™ is the only proven system. We aren`t paid by the big nutrable company`s, we are just regular Joseph`s who want to look & feel great. And we look damn Fine. We don`t spend a dime on advertising, Word of mouth is the most powerful Advertisement there is. & That allow`s us to pass the saving`s on to u. So what are you waiting for. Stop being a fat f***ing disgusting slob & Start the Jiminy Cricket McDiet™ 2day.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

STFU and GTFO you f***ing loser

 

[Ceremony]

Please never stop sharing your wisdom, James. I can't see my feet any more but I feel great.