We have been toiling away lose win lose lose win lose win lose lose win... but in the Dave Tippett world of Balance, this simply will not do. We still have 2 more losses than wins.
This means we have to Skip the Losses. It is that simple.
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In order to Skip the Losses, an Oiler secret agent went down to John Hamm's place last night during the Oilers Leafs game to enlist his help. He went incognito, dressed as a T-Shirt mascot only to find John Hamm fretting over the Oilers lack of depth, in game brain farts, and a concerning lack of wet wipes.
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Cue our intrepid Secret Agent, who displayed impeccable timing, arriving just as Kahun scored his first of what will hopefully be many alongside Leon Draisatl.
"EVERYBODY GET LOUD" shouted our secret agent, with a potato gun loaded with a years supply of wet wipes, loaded and fired into John Hamm's ceiling.
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Now that John Hamm had his wet wipes it was time to strike. Get him an Oilers T Shirt and enlist his help to Skip the Losses. But our Secret Agent is not the sharpest pencil in the pack and instead of blasting a T Shirt into John Hamm's ceiling he taunted him relentlessly, "WHO WANTS A T-SHIRT", "I CANT HEAR YOU", over and over until John Hamm lost his f***ing mind.
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"BRANDON THROW ME THE SHIRT"
"I'm not Brandon. I traded him for a conditional 3rd round draft pick to Calgary. If Brandon can figure out the difference between a cake and a burger, we owe them a draft pick. However the League might pro-rate the number of burgers and give it to them anyway. Either way, Brandon is gone and I am your new manservant. I am here because we need your help up in Edmonton.
We need your help to Skip the Losses"
"I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE, THROW ME THE F***ING SHIRT"
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It was at that moment that McDavid scored a coast to coast goal going through 4 Leafs and making Andersen look like a peewee goalie on dull skates. John Hamm jumped for joy. Our Oiler Secret Agent tossed him the T Shirt. The relationship was cemented. John Hamm was going to help us Skip the Losses.
"WOO-HOOOOOO"
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John Hamm said," I cant help you Skip the Losses unless you reveal your secret identity."
"I will let you know my secret identity if you promise never to tell Bob. He will make me do Hunter when fans are allowed back, and that was Craig's job. He hated it so much he went to Russia."
"Fine, I wont tell Bob. But before I go he has to fix the water"
"Done"
And with that, the Secret Agent was revealed.
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"Kevin Lowe????"
"Whew, its hot in this...."
"I always wondered what exactly you did with the OEG."
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"YES! McDavid scores off a Draisatl sauce, in OOOOOOOOOVVVVVERRRRTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMEEE!
Skip the Losses everyone, Skip the Losses!
Kevin, let me change into my Canadian Tuxedo and we will get going, we need to be there in time for the Ottawa game!"
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"Ah Kevin, good to see your out of that ridiculous costume.
Now lets get going, and remember, Aloha Means Delicious Wins."
"Thats not what it means"
"Aloha"
"It doesn't."
"Kevin, shut up."
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Lines
RNH - McDavid - Puljujarvi
Kahun - Draisaitl - Honey Badger
Neal - Turris - Kassian
Archibald - Haas - Chaisson
Nurse - Barrie
Jones - Larsson
Lagesson - Russell
Skinner and Pray
Koskinen
Balance
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Lines
Ratboy Lite - Norris - Connor Brown
Paul - White - Dadonov
Stutzle - Tierney - Batherson
Paquette - Stepan - Watson
Reilly - Zaitsev
Coburn - Gudbranson
Josh Brown - Zub
Murray
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Fearless Prediction
Skip the Losses.
Oilers win.
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