The Players' Tribune: "The Things You Can't See" — Colin Wilson shares his struggles with OCD

[Just Linda]

I once played with a dude with OCD. I remember a night he scored a hat trick but freaked out in the showers later because he missed positioning on a play later in the game. He played probably the greatest game of his life but couldn't sleep that night because he was hyper fixated on the one bad moment he had in the game.

His fixation/ routine was with taping his stick. Breaking a stick was like him watching someone die in front of him, he couldn't handle it. He spent hours taping and retaping his stick.

 

[Rabid Ranger]

Wilson is a player that got a lot of flack over the years for what he wasn't. This read demonstrates that the fans rarely have all of the facts and it's unwise to make flippant armchair calls about player performance. We have no idea what many of these players go through on a daily basis just to get out of bed much less compete at the highest level of their sport.

 

[pheasant]

Wilson is a player that got a lot of flack over the years for what he wasn't. This read demonstrates that the fans rarely have all of the facts and it's unwise to make flippant armchair calls about player performance. We have no idea what many of these players go through on a daily basis just to get out of bed much less compete at the highest level of their sport.

It's very similar to Bryan Bickell's story about his MS diagnosis. link

 

[Dekes For Days]

This is a great article; gives a lot of insight into something that isn't often portrayed accurately.

 

[Paperbagofglory]

This is a great article; gives a lot of insight into something that isn't often portrayed accurately.

I saw the Aviator, I understand the condition.

 

[lordstanley91]

HansonBro claimed his teammates didn't help, saying he would have in their place. But there's nothing to suggest teammates didn't try to help. HansonBro then said he could picture Wilson's teammates mocking him for his mental illness, based on nothing at all.

I'm out of left field for saying that's not OK?

I’m still not sure why you had to like plant this flag in the ground like you’re a morality soldier. I mean the vitriol you spewed when you like lashed at him was worse than his comment by far.

 

[RobBrown4PM]

As someone who has OCD this article hits home, literally everything he says is genuinely true. The stupid shit your brain focuses on, the hyper focusing on everything but nothing, the freaking out over the smallest things, what every single person you walk by thinks of you, even if you never ever see them again in your life time.

The most important thing I ever did was talk to someone about my shit. I cannot stress how fundamentally important it is to talk to someone if you're having problems, especially if those problems are mental illness.

 

[Nocashstyle]

Big ups to Wilson. I don't have OCD, but do struggle with some other things. That said, I've always hated how people use OCD as this character quirk. Like "oh, I'm so OCD because <insert XYZ routine>" and don't realize just how bad some people have it. Hell, I remember hearing one Chiclets pod where they were discussing equipment-related oddities among players and they were talking about Wes Walz and how he was using a discontinued model of skates. When his last pair wore out shortly into the 06-07 season, he tried a bunch of new ones and just straight up could not handle the different feel. He was constantly fidgeting around with them, adjusting them, it was genuinely causing him a great deal of distress. A few weeks later, he just straight up left for personal reasons and then abruptly retired midseason. I remember hearing from a few Wild blogs (prior to my HF days) that he had OCD and that's when that clicked - it really explained so much and honestly kinda illuminates the difference between OCD and superstition or preference. Preference implies you want to - OCD makes it so you have to and puts you into a serious deal of discomfort if you don't do things a certain way.

Also, I'm glad he brought up psychadelics. I feel like they should just be considered medicinal, given how many people with mental health they can help - we already kind of do this with medicinal marijuana. It's obviously not for everyone (I can vouch for this, weed makes my anxiety a million times worse), but the benefits for some are clear and pretty pronounced. I just hate the "alternative" medicine branding because it lumps in treatments which do give people a great, tangible deal of comfort with, say, that holistic nonsense that Steve Jobs threw his life away taking.

Yep. It’s not just “lol, it drives me crazy if I can’t do my routine.” It’s being imprisoned by these imaginary rules that your mind makes up and cannot let go of. It’s not just a lighthearted quirk.

 

[pheasant]

I’m still not sure why you had to like plant this flag in the ground like you’re a morality soldier. I mean the vitriol you spewed when you like lashed at him was worse than his comment by far.

Well I did directly apologize to that poster if my response was a misunderstanding or an overreaction.

His response to that was screaming at me in all caps, by the way.

 

[SotasicA]

I always liked Wilson as a player. Great tools for a hockey player. Doesn't always act like it though.

 

[MarkusKetterer]

As someone who has OCD this article hits home, literally everything he says is genuinely true. The stupid shit your brain focuses on, the hyper focusing on everything but nothing, the freaking out over the smallest things, what every single person you walk by thinks of you, even if you never ever see them again in your life time.

The most important thing I ever did was talk to someone about my shit. I cannot stress how fundamentally important it is to talk to someone if you're having problems, especially if those problems are mental illness.

This. And it’s not even everything where you’re “OCD” about. It could be a few random specific things. And there’s so many different “levels” of it.

 

[Kaner9]

That was mre interesting then I expected good for Wilson for sharing it This stuff is no joke. Best of luck to the man.

 

[780il]

Xanny’s aren’t something to mess with. Glad he’s doing better and hope he can continue to get healthier and get more help. He was a solid player in the best hockey league in the world, a massive accomplishment and something to be very proud of.

 

[RobBrown4PM]

This. And it’s not even everything where you’re “OCD” about. It could be a few random specific things. And there’s so many different “levels” of it.

Literally anything. It is terribly frustrating to have your brain randomly pick some random object or event and irrationally focus on it. Or worry that some rando doesn't understand you.

Nothing about this bloody illness makes any sense.

 

[MarkusKetterer]

Literally anything. It is terribly frustrating to have your brain randomly pick some random object or event and irrationally focus on it. Or worry that some rando doesn't understand you.

Nothing about this bloody illness makes any sense.

The thing is when people say “oh I’m so OCD”, they can be trying to be funny, or they could actually be serious but trying to be funny.

And it’s a fine line between anal retentive and OCD. And between being a douchebag and OCD.

 

[jetsforever]

Have some experience with stuff like this, sad to hear his career was so affected but it's good that he has gotten help

 

[Maple Leaf]

The thing is when people say “oh I’m so OCD”, they can be trying to be funny, or they could actually be serious but trying to be funny.

And it’s a fine line between anal retentive and OCD. And between being a douchebag and OCD.

medical condition with defined criteria

 

[SFKingshomer]

We have a guy that comes to our work and he has it so bad. He always drives through the lot in his old beat up Ford Ranger and gets out to wipe it with paper towels and water. He once removed all the trash in the showroom and reorganized it. Poor guy...

 

[SupremeNachos]

sad how all of the most important hockey articles from TPT in the last half decade have been about either mental health or racism

I wouldn't say it's a sad thing. It would be nice to see more super happy stories but I'm glad more athletes (that are men) are opening up with their own mental health issues. It shows no one is immune to dealing with things like severe anxiety or massive depression. They are showing it's ok to open up and seek help if you need it instead of trying to struggle through it with a brave face all on your own.

 

[Jared Dunn]

It's a shame how much backwards thinking there still is towards psychedelics when they can be incredibly helpful to so many people. It's SO hard to gain access to quality mental health care especially if you're poor, frankly without using mushrooms I probably wouldn't have made it through this year and I mean that. Good on him for opening up and I hope he has success with his future plans

 

[Jared Dunn]

I always liked Wilson as a player. Great tools for a hockey player. Doesn't always act like it though.

??? This was your takeaway?

 

[ViktorBaeArvidsson]

One cousin of mine who I usually talk to since we’re pretty close in age has OCD, I mean you don’t really think about how much it must suck to deal with it. Definitely huge props for Wilson sharing his story and hopefully someone who felt similar to him reads it and sees that with help things can get better.

 

[Breakfast of Champs]

Damn this article actually hit me really hard. I was diagnosed OCD at age 10 (which is quite young for a diagnosis as far as I am aware) and have been dealing with the ups and down of it for years.

A combination of medication, self-care, and treatment have allowed me to live what I consider a relatively low-impacted life now, but there were years this was not the case. To anyone who things OCD is just someone being overly clean or worried, its a hell of a lot more.

 

[Wandering Cynic]

As someone who has suffered with OCD since I was 16, it is insanely debilitating. I’m one of the lucky ones, as I’ve gotten slightly better over the years. But lots of people are suffering immensely with this.

 

[Freaky Styley]

It's a shame how much backwards thinking there still is towards psychedelics when they can be incredibly helpful to so many people. It's SO hard to gain access to quality mental health care especially if you're poor, frankly without using mushrooms I probably wouldn't have made it through this year and I mean that. Good on him for opening up and I hope he has success with his future plans

I really see psychedelics having a huge positive impact on athletes, and think (hope) we are at the precipice of these treatments becoming mainstream. Love Willy and this just makes me like him more. So thankful he's spreading the word.