I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I have had obsessive issues in the past. I can manage well for months on end, but then something will flip a switch and I can go months before recovering.
I never had crazy issues growing up, or at least nothing more than anxiety. My OCD has always been health/medical related.
I believe I had two moments that started this. The first was the diagnosis and passing of my Step Father from cancer. He was diagnosed in March and passed away that August. About a year after that, I was at a party and was aggressively coughing from being sick and I ended up straining/doing something that led to me spitting pure blood. I went to the hospital and there was no real damage.
After this, I had a lot of chest pain. I lived probably the majority of my final year of university in panic not knowing what was happening. I have a generic high blood pressure and high cholesterol... so while I have always been relatively fit and active, I have these underlying conditions that could impact my life down the road. I could not stop monitoring my heart and basically put myself in a horrible cycle. When you are in fight or flight, of course your heart will be racing right? Well my OCD kept causing my to be in this cyclical cycle and I could not shake it because I was convinced something was wrong. I went through a ton of tests for my lungs and heart and ultimately after doing the best of the best tests, everything came back fine. I was still having pain and it was a constant mental battle.
I ultimately learned that I had acid reflux that had gotten so out of hand that I was dealing with significant pain from it. Once I learned and managed to control this, the pain was gone and I was able to return to a normal lifestyle. I was able to move on from all of the heart concerns and instantly I found my heart rate decreased and life was good again.
I went through a relatively good period of time from that incident (2017-2018) to the beginning of 2020. I don’t quite know what caused it but I got caught in another bad cycle. I believe I had overdone myself on caffeine, stress and alcohol. One day, I woke up and all I could feel was my heart skipping beats. Like constantly multiple times a day. Like legit skipping beats. I could monitor my pulse and feel it in my chest every single time this happened. Then covid hit which also elevated my stress levels. Fortunately, I was able to undergo tests and after 4 months my doctor had reached out to me with results. There was absolutely nothing wrong and my heart reading was completely normal. No concerns and there was no irregular activities. That day, after 4 months of these issues was the last day I felt a skipped beat. It is quite amazing to me. Your head can play these insane tricks on you. I was obsessed with this issue but the second I was told I was fine and the results were clean, I was fine. 4 months of constant obsession and all it took was a 5 minute phone call to end that.
I’ve learned that a lot of my fears are in my head. I’ve learned how powerful my anxiety can control me. I’m not perfect with this, but I have grown from it and with it. I am better at identifying when I am about to enter a slump and I can often catch myself now. I have never taken medication for my mental health issues, but I know what I can do with my lifestyle to treat my body properly. I have always found that talking to others and sharing my story brings me peace at bad times. For me, exercise, eating well and limited caffeine and alcohol leads to my happiest times. My worst times are when I get away from this.
I don’t come across as someone who has mental health problems. I am proud of what I have done with my life and believe that I am successful. I am always joking around and really do come across as “calm under pressure”.
I am an example of you never know what someone is going through. I try to share my story and time mental health is brought up... I know how important it is to hear someone else is going through something similar to you. I’m not embarrassed by my mental health, it just is who I am.
I’d like to thank the other posters in the thread. I’ve had a rough few days and I believe I was coming out of it. This thread and my post might have been the extra push I need to get out of this funk.
