Because this thread isn't insulting enough
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.
USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.
Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.
Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.
Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.
Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.
Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.