Stereotyping different hockey countries

MMX

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Aug 3, 2005
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Minsk
Tighina said:
Belarus: potatoes, putting icepack on top of head, smallish head-standing goalies, potatoes, skating upright, taking shots from red line because, hey, why not?, potatoes, dream socre: 1-1, nandrolone injected with same suringe for whole team... did I mention potatoes?

Kazakhstan: a token Asian guy, the famed Torpedo Ust-Kamenogorsk knee-in-the-groin defensive positioning, dream score: 0-0, fixin' a tie with Ukraine as a survival strategy if enough horses are raised for bribe, one and a half ice-rinks, an extremely poor man's Latvia, which is an indigent man's Russia, which is a drunken idiot's USSR.

Slitty said:
Oh you have to be Russian and a hockey fan to fully appreciate and understand that, hats off my friend, excellent piece! :biglaugh: :clap:

:shakehead
And that's exactly the reason why Russia is unanimously hated in most former USSR and Eastern Block countries.
 

MMX

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Aug 3, 2005
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Minsk
Muscle Bob said:
No. The reason is no sense of humor in some people.. ;)

Tighina said:
Belarus: dream socre: 1-1, nandrolone injected with same suringe for whole team... did I mention potatoes?

Kazakhstan: fixin' a tie with Ukraine as a survival strategy if enough horses are raised for bribe, one and a half ice-rinks, an extremely poor man's Latvia

Apologize my lack of humor, but these quotes seem like a clear insult to me.
 

Piggish

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Mar 28, 2006
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Because this thread isn't insulting enough

Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.
 

edd1e

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Sep 11, 2004
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Helsinki, Finland
Piggish said:
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.

Finally we got the text to match the topic.
 

Art Vandelay

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Jan 14, 2004
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Piggish said:
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.

:biglaugh:
 

MMX

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Aug 3, 2005
356
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Minsk
Piggish said:
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.

:biglaugh:

Now this is what I call humor! Big thumbs up! :handclap:
 

Nemchinov13

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Oct 19, 2002
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Tighina said:
Belarus: potatoes, putting icepack on top of head, smallish head-standing goalies, potatoes, skating upright, taking shots from red line because, hey, why not?, potatoes, dream socre: 1-1, nandrolone injected with same suringe for whole team... did I mention potatoes?

Kazakhstan: a token Asian guy, the famed Torpedo Ust-Kamenogorsk knee-in-the-groin defensive positioning, dream score: 0-0, fixin' a tie with Ukraine as a survival strategy if enough horses are raised for bribe, one and a half ice-rinks, an extremely poor man's Latvia, which is an indigent man's Russia, which is a drunken idiot's USSR.
Jesus, this is really offensive. I'm from RF and I love hockey, but this is a bit extreme. Belarus is actually turning into quite a power. I would not be surprised if they'd supplant Slovakia as the 7th hockey power in the world in the next 5 years and hey, they might catch us if Comrade Lukashenko will continue to support sports the way good ole' USSR used to.

Kazakhstan will not amount a whole lot... It's basically the kids in the sparsely populated vast regions of North Kazakhstan that will carry on the fight for their country, but jeez, no need to insult'em that much.
 

Macman

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May 15, 2004
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Piggish said:
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.


Very funny and bang on. You win.
 

Haute Couture

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Feb 27, 2002
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MMX said:
:shakehead
And that's exactly the reason why Russia is unanimously hated in most former USSR and Eastern Block countries.
I thought that violent control of other countries was to blame. Not some jokes that are fully reinforced by your own KVN teams (which are good, btw).

This is not to say that it's not offensive, because the "injecting drug" joke kind of gets too far. But saying that Belarus is a potato country is like saying that Russia is a vodka country. And not many Russians get insulted from that.
 

SpezNc2

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Mar 3, 2002
1,636
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turnbuckle said:
Weakest goaltending? You're not serious I hope.

Would Ryan Miller not qualify as an all-star type goalie? Dipietro isn't far from being a top-notch goalie IMO either - people forget how young he still is, with his best years ahead of him.

I said "fairly strong", and it was more a testament to the American depth and number of young prospects than having 'superstar" goalies. There have been a pile more solid American goalies though the years in the NHL than Swedish goalies for instance. In fact, the US has produced more NHL goalies than any nation other than Canada, and I would rank them third currently when it comes to producing goalies.

As for prospects, Montoya, Schneider, Howard, Frazee, Quick, Bacashihua, LeNevue, Goepfert...that's a more impressive list of goalie prospects than say....Slovakia's. In fact I'd put it up there with any country's young goalie prospects save Canada and perhaps Finland.

I see your point... But sometime i think the U.S lacks goaltending depth... You have good goaltenders but I don't see Any Brodeur or Kiprusoft...

But I understand your point..

and by the way, LeNeveu is Canadian but he choose the U.S route as a junior (Cornell University). He played for Team Canada at the word junior few years ago..
 

turnbuckle*

Guest
Good call on LeNeveu....As for none of them being as good as Brodeur and Kipper...who is? Do you have a lengthy list of Swedish, Russian and Slovakian goalies better than Brodeur? How about none?

I have yet to see a strong argument against the Americans having the third best goalie development in the world, and arguably the second best in depth, which is all I am stating.
 

VladNYC*

Guest
MMX said:
:shakehead
And that's exactly the reason why Russia is unanimously hated in most former USSR and Eastern Block countries.


Come on man, we still love you guys. I would think atleast Belarussians could take a joke. And since when do u hate us?
 

johnny_rudeboy

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Mar 20, 2006
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Karlstad
Ok then I think we will have to make a new stereotype for the US of A since this seem to have turned in to a goalie thread.

USA: - slow, tough, simple hockey, good at face-offs and lots of goalies who never turn out to be anything more then at best a solid back up even do their goalie development have been one of the best for several years and USA would probably be the strongest goalie nation, maybe even hockey nation, if teams where allowed to play with 5 goalies and one skater rather then as today the other way around.
 

Joe MacMillan

Registered User
Aug 10, 2005
4,882
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Helsinki
Piggish said:
Canada: Violent toothless giants slowly glide from one end of the rink to the other, elbowing everything that moves as they go, including zambonis. Friendly North American referees give the opponent two minutes for diving. After the match the coach talks about how his players showed heart by mauling some poor Slovenian during the warm-up.

USA: Too busy partying to care about hockey, the Yanks crosscheck their hotel rooms' televisions to bits somewhere during the second sixpack, then accuse the broken TV sets of play-acting when they can't watch porn.

Sweden: Red-headed ******** lazily surf around for 58 minutes, then score four times to win the game, each off a triple or quadruple deflection. Like to keep a deliberate pace and play a tactical game, i.e. they're boring and ultra-defensive.

Czech Republic: These mullet-sporting primadonnas win every game in which no one tackles anyone. The country's national sport, diving, has sadly left a mark in its hockey program.

Slovakia: Lightning-fast show-offs handicap themselves by refusing to acknowledge that they have several team mates on the ice to whom they could, you know, pass and stuff. Due to some sort of national inferiority complex, they forget even the basics whenever forced to play the Czechs. Believe that "goalies" is what people called prisons in the Middle Ages.

Russia: The most talented bunch of total losers known to man, Russian players generally can't do anything right unless a forceful/insane coach/dictator tells them when and how to pass, shoot, take a piss, etc. Despite this masochistic tendency, they manage to be highly arrogant, too.

Finland: Industrious midgets set up a nigh on impenetrable wall on their own blue line, backed by a wizard in goal and drunken orcs in the stands. This works wonderfully until they realize that they might actually win something, at which point they all fall down dead.
:biglaugh: :biglaugh:
 

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