Question for older players about handling a serious problem player.

[jw2]

Trying to get him in trouble?...miscommunication?

Did you even read the OP?

The guy threatened to kill him, OP also tried to squash it through email. The guy is a problem. It sounds like you either have to get him thrown out or find another rink.

I read it as a guy took a puck off the ankle, and say "Crap, wtf dude... ill f you up". That happens almost every time I'm on the ice. then guys go after the puck and continue to the play.

Other than that, the guy hasnt done anything in 2 decades, other than being a grumpy rink rat.

Ignore it and move on. The OP keeps poking the bear, when he admitted himself it was over until he ... went to the rink, emailed him, yadda yadda.
Sometimes the path of least resistance works. Ignore and move on. And maybe he can make another thread in 20 years.


"This guy threatened to kill me, I'm scarred!"
"Fight him!"

great advice, kid

 

[beenhereandthere]

I read it as a guy took a puck off the ankle, and say "Crap, wtf dude... ill f you up". That happens almost every time I'm on the ice. then guys go after the puck and continue to the play.

Other than that, the guy hasnt done anything in 2 decades, other than being a grumpy rink rat.

Ignore it and move on. The OP keeps poking the bear, when he admitted himself it was over until he ... went to the rink, emailed him, yadda yadda.
Sometimes the path of least resistance works. Ignore and move on. And maybe he can make another thread in 20 years.


"This guy threatened to kill me, I'm scarred!"
"Fight him!"

great advice, kid

Why so mean and critical?
What I have done to you?
Unless you actually like and play like the guy.
Racial slurs and death threats (even if it's not literal) is just someone being a "grumpy rink rat"? Seriously?
Maybe you do based on this ""Crap, wtf dude... ill f you up".
And plus you missed this, maybe intentionally, I said, "if there's apologizes or handshakes afterwards in the locker room or whatever than I leave it there (maybe not those exact words, but I did say that)
Your response is inaccurate and way off.

 

[jw2]

Why so mean and critical?
What I have done to you?

You came in and made a thread. I'm giving my advice, from my point of view, based on the information you provided. Sorry that all answers are not going to be exactly what you want to hear, but that's life. I asked several times about the situation(s), you dont answer, and discuss me, instead.

Unless you actually like and play like the guy.

no, I've played long enough to know that sometimes you just have to let it go. Not everyone needs to be friends.

Racial slurs and death threats (even if it's not literal) is just someone being a "grumpy rink rat"? Seriously?
Maybe you do based on this ""Crap, wtf dude... ill f you up".

I don't condone any slurs, but this was 1 time, over 20 years ago. You need to move on with your life.
And again, you verify that it was not a serious threat.

And plus you missed this, maybe intentionally, I said, "if there's apologizes or handshakes afterwards in the locker room or whatever than I leave it there (maybe not those exact words, but I did say that)
Your response is inaccurate and way off.

based on your followup, the guy hasnt gone out of his way to do anything to you, other than what you forced. Stop making mountains out of mole hills.

If the guy is a jerk, stay away.
I work with a guy that's a jerk. There is mutual dislike. I stay away. He plays at the same rink I do. We keep it professional and move on.

 

[beenhereandthere]

If the guy is a jerk, stay away.
I work with a guy that's a jerk. There is mutual dislike. I stay away. He plays at the same rink I do. We keep it professional and move on.

You don't think I've tried this?
Not everything can be totally ignored.

 

[jw2]

Based on your comments, there seems to be little interaction between you two.

The incident hitting him, but since then has he done anything without being provoked? If this guy is trying to be an alpha male, he will always respond to something/get the last word.

You have (or filed for) a restraining order, and he emailed you indicating he did not anticipate future interaction with you. So, I think you should leave it at that. (unless we are missing more)

 

[Barnum]

Based on your comments, there seems to be little interaction between you two.

The incident hitting him, but since then has he done anything without being provoked? If this guy is trying to be an alpha male, he will always respond to something/get the last word.

You have (or filed for) a restraining order, and he emailed you indicating he did not anticipate future interaction with you. So, I think you should leave it at that. (unless we are missing more)

Ok as it turns out, I know this MoFo that is screwing with the OP. I will be the first to tell you, the player he is talking about is a psycho and has been a problematic player in the Seattle area for as long as I can remember.

I’ll give you a true story about this player that I witnessed. First off, he bullies lower level players and that has been his MO for 20+ years. There were a bunch of beginners players warming up on the ice before their game that “this player” in question was being annoying by skating out on the rink and practicing shots during their warmups. The Bully had no right to be on the ice but he was. He goes to retrieve some pucks out of the net when this player who can barely stand on his skates nevermind keep his head up, hits “The Bully” in the back of the legs with his shot. The Bully turns around and fires a slapshot at the the guy who can barely skate head. He hit him in the head so hard and the guy lost 1/2 his ear because it got sliced off. This player the OP is speaking of is a nut job.

Personally, when The Bully screwed with me way back when during a tournament. I beat the snot out of him on the ice and he never screwed with me again. That’s what I did. But I wasn’t a beginning player and we were in the equal higher up leagues. This bully is so pathetic he picks on lower level players. So, whatever the OP is saying, it is 100% true. I can attest to this player’s behavior. Ease up on the OP.

 

[jw2]

Thanks for sharing. Still can’t believe rinks would tolerate it, which is why I was wondering about more details

Still, I’d still recommend staying away, especially if he’s a loose canon.

 

[Barnum]

Thanks for sharing. Still can’t believe rinks would tolerate it, which is why I was wondering about more details

Still, I’d still recommend staying away, especially if he’s a loose canon.

He’s been kicked out of a few rinks. He’s a rink rat, so he hob nobs the right people at the rinks or leagues. He singles out players for whatever reason, it’s usually over some minor “on ice” incident which could be anything. Like I said, he injured a beginner guy who couldn’t skate over being hit in the back of the legs with a puck during warm ups. He is the kind of guy who thinks he should not be touched. So, if the OP says it was not a big thing that set off the current events, I absolutely believe the OP it wasn’t much and The Bully went completely unhinged on him and has for the last 20 years. I know this guy, he’s a psycho and the OP is not the only one to have run ins with him.

When I dealt with him it was close to 15 to 20 years ago and I just dealt with him by knocking his block off. Honestly, that’s the only way to deal with any bully. Dude is a wuss when you give it back.

 

[beenhereandthere]

Based on your comments, there seems to be little interaction between you two.

The incident hitting him, but since then has he done anything without being provoked? If this guy is trying to be an alpha male, he will always respond to something/get the last word.

You have (or filed for) a restraining order, and he emailed you indicating he did not anticipate future interaction with you. So, I think you should leave it at that. (unless we are missing more)

The further interaction comment came before I filed the order. Which I wasn't going to since I thought I was going to get a reasonable response instead of "leave me alone or I will contact my attorney."

This is why I eventually filed it, because, except for dropping the gloves, nothing else has worked. Plus again, contrary to what 4Orr said, I don't think he's actually banned from any local rinks, which is disgraceful. He may be too scared to show up to a few of them though because of a few players who will lay him out. But again, the fact these rinks let him slide is disgraceful.

While I don't totally discount actually dropping the gloves if all else fails (rinks or court don't take action), I'd feel like shit for doing so. It's either that or give up the game.

 

[beenhereandthere]

The further interaction comment came before I filed the order. Which I wasn't going to since I thought I was going to get a reasonable response instead of "leave me alone or I will contact my attorney."

This is why I eventually filed it, because, except for dropping the gloves, nothing else has worked. Plus again, contrary to what 4Orr said, I don't think he's actually banned from any local rinks, which is disgraceful. He may be too scared to show up to a few of them though because of a few players who will lay him out. But again, the fact these rinks let him slide is disgraceful.

While I don't totally discount actually dropping the gloves if all else fails (rinks or court don't take action), I'd feel like **** for doing so. It's either that or give up the game.

As far as when he challenged me to a fight last week, well, another player who's not as bad as the Bully, but honestly has a track record of saying some alt right crap (no actual slurs though) was on the ice at the same time. I would have probably just given that player more ammo to hate me and wouldn't have doubted that he would have jumped in to help the Bully

 

[Pablo Messier]

I think this is one reason why people group together and rent regular ice so they dont have to deal with pricks like this guy. Not a bad option if you can find a group to join or form one of your own.

 

[Barnum]

The further interaction comment came before I filed the order. Which I wasn't going to since I thought I was going to get a reasonable response instead of "leave me alone or I will contact my attorney."

This is why I eventually filed it, because, except for dropping the gloves, nothing else has worked. Plus again, contrary to what 4Orr said, I don't think he's actually banned from any local rinks, which is disgraceful. He may be too scared to show up to a few of them though because of a few players who will lay him out. But again, the fact these rinks let him slide is disgraceful.

While I don't totally discount actually dropping the gloves if all else fails (rinks or court don't take action), I'd feel like **** for doing so. It's either that or give up the game.

He got kicked out of Arena Sports for a year after the ear slicing incident. He was banned at Olympic View Arena circa late 90s and was banished at Bend Invitational tournament. Now I haven’t played in Seattle in a decade or so and things do change after time. But these things did happen at one time.

Now remember I didn’t play drop in with him, I played against him and sometimes on a team with him about 3 or 4 times weeks for about 15 years.

 

[SaintMorose]

Any wall stuff / immigration stuff / whatever political stuff he's saying that may make you uncomfortable because it could be viewed as borderline racist you have to live with. People are allowed to have stupid racist political views and every (large) group no matter how much policy is based on fact/ideals has members with stupid racist views.
But it's absolutely not acceptable for players to be targeted with racism at the rink.

The thing about drop-in hockey is there's usually 14 sane rational adults playing and at most two ***hats

Whenever I've had an issue with a player (and no one has been as bad as the OP's bully), my reaction is generally to talk to the other players about it see if anyone else heard/saw what I've seen or heard.
Talk to other guys on the ice ask if there's anything you can do to play a cleaner drop-in game. And talk to the guys about if they think this stuff is acceptable, better yet talk about it if you're getting changed in the same room as him, you've got 14 sane rational adults there who can back you up if they have seen any of it, they understand the phrase "I'm not fighting someone in drop-in" and have your back on that, should embarrass the crap out of him. And if he still chooses to be a 'hat' then ask some of your drop-in teammates/opponents to back you up if you talk to the rink.

If for whatever reason you don't have sane adults in your drop in then finding a different dro-pin group will be a blessing in disguise.

You even have a bit of an advantage here as you can point to his history from 4Orr.

 

[Pez68]

From a guy that has played for 30+ years, seems pretty simple to me. f*** him up.

 

[beenhereandthere]

From a guy that has played for 30+ years, seems pretty simple to me. **** him up.

Ever hear of the phrase, "Don't mess with crazy."
That's why I won't fight him, he'd never let it go.

 

[Barnum]

Ever hear of the phrase, "Don't mess with crazy."
That's why I won't fight him, he'd never let it go.

I dunno, my man. I literally offered to help you, as I know exactly who this crazy a-hole is and you have kind of blown me off. I understand, maybe there is some paranoia and I don’t blame you for that. Seattle is a small town in terms of hockey. As I said, I hate the guy but I also played with him in tourneys because it’s a small niche of folks that can travel and are good enough that play hockey in Seattle.

I don’t know who you are but there are already people ready if they hear racist crap out of him to knock his lights out after I showed them this thread. No one likes this guy, take solence in that at least. Racism should never be tolerated on or off the ice.

 

[bucks_oil]

Good advice 4Orr and SaintMorose.

An alpha ***-hat can only be an Alpha if the rest of the group is tolerant. If you have the numbers on your side you can either change his behavior (seems unlikely given 4Orr's comments) or force him to move on where he can intimidate more freely. Sounds like this loner does just that and likely runs from any conflict.

If you can't get support from the rest of the guys, then you maybe need to find a more sane/rational group to play this sport with.

 

[icon6668]

What I took away from 4Orr's last post is that he's shown this thread to a bunch of guys you or the A hole might play with, who also don't like the guy who will be listening out for any more shit and will have your back if needed. Good stuff.

Sounds like you cant just ignore him anymore so someones gotta shut him up for you haha

You may owe a few people a beer by the sounds of it.

 

[MartinS82]

Maybe try to find a closed game, or organize one yourself? Rent the ice, and let players come by invite only. You might lose some money at first, but after your game starts to get a good rep - no long shifts, no jackassery - then you can get a lot of good players and create a really fun atmosphere. Use Facebook or other social media to see if there is interest in your area amongst your buddies. Hockey should be fun, not something that you stress about and need restraining orders for. Sorry you have to go through all this.

 

[Ezekial]

I know some time has elapsed and you've probably interacted with him since. But after reading that email I would've tried to ignore him and if he chirped me I would've simply said "Don't talk to me unless your attorney is in the stands." and then proceeded to ignore him.

 

[LarryO]

I would've just said, "Grow up" every time.

 

[Golden Puppers]

Ever hear of the phrase, "Don't mess with crazy."
That's why I won't fight him, he'd never let it go.

Honestly, it sounds like you've bottled up this tension and rage toward this PoS for too long and it's like a powder keg ready to explode. Sometimes you gotta let it explode before you yourself implode.

I'd say be wary of him and when he' son the ice and if he ever threatens you again, calls you a slur, and/or gets physical on you, you need to pop him right in the face and stand up for yourself and let out what you've bottled up all these years. You'll probably feel a lot better.

If that's not you or you're not comfortable fighting him, that's fine but it sounds like you are itching for it and that he deserves it.