Oilers Conspiracy Thread

[Oilers Apologist]

The idea for this thread came on Wednesday November 26th at 10:35 AM. As I sit in class, ignoring my prof, i pondered the idea of a third jersey. Why is it that nearly every NHL team has come out with a new jersey in the past three years except for our beloved Oilers? Then it clicked. There's a plan. A conspiracy. There is no third jersey because of this elaborate plan, likely thought of by Katz Jr. 2016 is when this plan will come to fruition. With McDavid our #1 center, Rogers Place up and running, the Oilers will finally receive their third jersey...

What are your Oilers conspiracy theories?

Click to read more...

 

[Mcnofool6110]

In 2007, the Todd McFarlane jersey (representing innovation) and the Rigger (representing hard work) were retired.

The team has yet to work hard or innovate since.

 

[Ninety7]

Theres a beer pong table in the locker room that Hall and Bros. dominate before games while Eakins cheers on. Meanwhile, the europeans are situated in the corner where they're forced to wash the jock straps of said Bros., and dry clean coach's suits.

This is why media isn't allowed in, and why Dallas reinvented the locker room.

 

[Beerfish]

I suggest this as the new crest.

 

[SPIRIT]

The Oilers are cursed.

Gamesmanship, sportsmanship... These seem words to some, yet they are much more profound.

Other wordly effort, the holy dangles, competitive heart and the zeal to achieve great things. The players do not "create" this - they are merely conduits for the spirits of the Great Game of Hockey.

We have offended these spirits, and we will repent for years to come.

The Gods frown upon us and we are miserable; here are our sins.

1) We have tanked. We called it a rebuild to fool the Gods, but the Gods are not fooled. Spilling our own blood for success is dark, blood magic.

2) We heard the voice of the prophet, then replaced him with the devil. Firing Ralph, a respected international coach who preached the gospel of positive energy and work ethic, managed to take a beyond brutal roster to the closest we have been to playoffs for many, many moons. His work with the Swiss team was remarkable, as was his work with our disaster of a group. Firing this spirited, positive, successful man over Skype is an affront that we will not be forgiven.

3) The cronies. Six Rings. Arrogance, Ego, Ignorance. Lowe point. It is easy to feel like Mugatu - crazy pills. The Oiler organization, and those involved, were blessed with the coming of the Son of Hockey himself. The Great One brought this franchise into the promise land. A community priding itself on work ethic, spirit, and love of the game were rewarded with Gretzky, the ultimate hockey talent. Those in his party reaped the successes that followed him, then had the gull to become false prophets. Taking credit and resplendence for the talents of others, claiming the knowledge of the Rings, when they were merely pawns in a bigger game. The false prophets are unintelligent charlatans. Knowing a-lil'-thing-'er-two'bout-winnin' in the 80s and 90s has nothing to do with winning post lock-out. Nuge is not Gretzky. Hall is not Messier. Schultz is not Coffey.

4) Honour and Pride. We have lost this along the way. We are soft, we do not compete, we allow others to bring harm to our players... We are not willing to sacrifice our health to form team unity, to intimidate others. The spirits revile weakness, and we exude nothing but.

5) Our team is a business. Bob Nicholson dares build "the disney land of hockey" around this false empire. Our mission is money, and the spirits will punish us for this.

This, sweet friends, is why we will suffer for many more years.

We will bleed.

We have disgraced the Spirit of the Game.

 

[A Healthy Kelly*]

The Oilers are cursed.

Gamesmanship, sportsmanship... These seem words to some, yet they are much more profound.

Other wordly effort, the holy dangles, competitive heart and the zeal to achieve great things. The players do not "create" this - they are merely conduits for the spirits of the Great Game of Hockey.

We have offended these spirits, and we will repent for years to come.

The Gods frown upon us and we are miserable; here are our sins.

1) We have tanked. We called it a rebuild to fool the Gods, but the Gods are not fooled. Spilling our own blood for success is dark, blood magic.

2) We heard the voice of the prophet, then replaced him with the devil. Firing Ralph, a respected international coach who preached the gospel of positive energy and work ethic, managed to take a beyond brutal roster to the closest we have been to playoffs for many, many moons. His work with the Swiss team was remarkable, as was his work with our disaster of a group. Firing this spirited, positive, successful man over Skype is an affront that we will not be forgiven.

3) The cronies. Six Rings. Arrogance, Ego, Ignorance. Lowe point. It is easy to feel like Mugatu - crazy pills. The Oiler organization, and those involved, were blessed with the coming of the Son of Hockey himself. The Great One brought this franchise into the promise land. A community priding itself on work ethic, spirit, and love of the game were rewarded with Gretzky, the ultimate hockey talent. Those in his party reaped the successes that followed him, then had the gull to become false prophets. Taking credit and resplendence for the talents of others, claiming the knowledge of the Rings, when they were merely pawns in a bigger game. The false prophets are unintelligent charlatans. Knowing a-lil'-thing-'er-two'bout-winnin' in the 80s and 90s has nothing to do with winning post lock-out. Nuge is not Gretzky. Hall is not Messier. Schultz is not Coffey.

4) Honour and Pride. We have lost this along the way. We are soft, we do not compete, we allow others to bring harm to our players... We are not willing to sacrifice our health to form team unity, to intimidate others. The spirits revile weakness, and we exude nothing but.

5) Our team is a business. Bob Nicholson dares build "the disney land of hockey" around this false empire. Our mission is money, and the spirits will punish us for this.

This, sweet friends, is why we will suffer for many more years.

We will bleed.

We have disgraced the Spirit of the Game.

lol.

 

[oobga]

The Oilers are cursed.

Gamesmanship, sportsmanship... These seem words to some, yet they are much more profound.

Other wordly effort, the holy dangles, competitive heart and the zeal to achieve great things. The players do not "create" this - they are merely conduits for the spirits of the Great Game of Hockey.

We have offended these spirits, and we will repent for years to come.

The Gods frown upon us and we are miserable; here are our sins.

1) We have tanked. We called it a rebuild to fool the Gods, but the Gods are not fooled. Spilling our own blood for success is dark, blood magic.

2) We heard the voice of the prophet, then replaced him with the devil. Firing Ralph, a respected international coach who preached the gospel of positive energy and work ethic, managed to take a beyond brutal roster to the closest we have been to playoffs for many, many moons. His work with the Swiss team was remarkable, as was his work with our disaster of a group. Firing this spirited, positive, successful man over Skype is an affront that we will not be forgiven.

3) The cronies. Six Rings. Arrogance, Ego, Ignorance. Lowe point. It is easy to feel like Mugatu - crazy pills. The Oiler organization, and those involved, were blessed with the coming of the Son of Hockey himself. The Great One brought this franchise into the promise land. A community priding itself on work ethic, spirit, and love of the game were rewarded with Gretzky, the ultimate hockey talent. Those in his party reaped the successes that followed him, then had the gull to become false prophets. Taking credit and resplendence for the talents of others, claiming the knowledge of the Rings, when they were merely pawns in a bigger game. The false prophets are unintelligent charlatans. Knowing a-lil'-thing-'er-two'bout-winnin' in the 80s and 90s has nothing to do with winning post lock-out. Nuge is not Gretzky. Hall is not Messier. Schultz is not Coffey.

4) Honour and Pride. We have lost this along the way. We are soft, we do not compete, we allow others to bring harm to our players... We are not willing to sacrifice our health to form team unity, to intimidate others. The spirits revile weakness, and we exude nothing but.

5) Our team is a business. Bob Nicholson dares build "the disney land of hockey" around this false empire. Our mission is money, and the spirits will punish us for this.

This, sweet friends, is why we will suffer for many more years.

We will bleed.

We have disgraced the Spirit of the Game.

 

[Beerfish]

I've been sacrificing goats religiously for nothing? wtf? Poor goats!

 

[thadd]

I suggest this as the new crest.

I was initially VERY disturbed by this photo.

FIRST. It's 4 in the morning here.

OK for some reason my eyes just played tricks on me and I thought that the arm to that crane was a Canadian fire and then I saw a bunch of tugboats putting out a the fire that was about to consume a Canadian flag.

What the hell. That's not nearly as funny as the idea of having this photo here as the crest of Edmonton's 3rd jersey.

 

[Ebs4Josi]

The excessive mantra that "pro sports is a business" has taken a lot of joy and enjoyment away from watching the NHL. The players probably feel the pressure too. It is becoming an empty league run by corrupt billionaires and their cronies(K Lowe being an example).

Kind of like what is happening to the Federal Governments of Canada, the USA etc.

 

[MoneyGuy]

Katz will keep Lowe in place until spring of 2017 when Lowe resigns and announces his candidacy for mayor in the October election.

"I know about winning," is Lowe's campaign slogan. "I'll build this city just like I built a hockey team."

 

[Dorian2]

I think that the losing all stems back to the age old question of what the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow is. Had the bridge keeper been able to answer this, the quest for the Holy Grail would be in full force, with playoffs definitely in the mix.

But alas, both the bridge keeper and this team have been unable to state if this swallow was African or European.

This is our fate for being unable to answer such a simple question.

 

[Frank the Tank]

The excessive mantra that "pro sports is a business" has taken a lot of joy and enjoyment away from watching the NHL. The players probably feel the pressure too. It is becoming an empty league run by corrupt billionaires and their cronies(K Lowe being an example).

Kind of like what is happening to the Federal Governments of Canada, the USA etc.

Meh. Inept (and even corrupt) owner/president combos like Katz/Lowe have existed for a long time in the NHL. Look at Ballard/Gregory and Wirtz/Pulford. It is not a new phenomenon.

 

[Mr Tadakichi]

Hah, holy **** didn't see that one yet

 

[Ebs4Josi]

Meh. Inept (and even corrupt) owner/president combos like Katz/Lowe have existed for a long time in the NHL. Look at Ballard/Gregory and Wirtz/Pulford. It is not a new phenomenon.

You're right. Doesn't mean that it doesn't take away from the enjoyment of hockey and the spirit of the game.

We are Canadian and we made this game great. We shouldn't settle for such corrupt corporate emptiness.

 

[Wheathead]

Katz doesn't care about winning while in Rexall. My assumption would be that MacT and Lowe had the clearance to tank for McDavid, and have RNH/Hall/McDavid on the team for the opening of Rogers Place.

 

[CornKicker]

katz doesnt want rexall place and northlands to get any concession revenue for playoff games so the mandate has been set, DO NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS

 

[Connor McOilers]

Katz's son was cloned from sweat found in the Oilers dressing room after the last cup win. The goal being that the Old boys club could be continued on forever.

 

[Alberta]

Katz doesn't care about winning while in Rexall. My assumption would be that MacT and Lowe had the clearance to tank for McDavid, and have RNH/Hall/McDavid on the team for the opening of Rogers Place.

That sure gives them a lot of credit!

A better theory would be that Katz knows MacT and Lowe are inept but is content to watch them run the team into the ground until he sees fit to gas everyone.

We can all dream.

 

[MarkGio]

I have a theory that Lowe and MacT have some serious dirt on Katz. A little too much partying in the 90s and Daryl does something that no man should do without guilt. I'm talking about some serious Rob Ford stuff here!

How else do these guys get promoted despite their performances?

 

[SometimesY]

Organic media snacks. Bad omen. Our sports media should be well fed with strudels and puffed pastry.

 

[TheGuyInTheChair]

Katz is from outer space.

 

[Lacaar]

The idea for this thread came on Wednesday November 26th at 10:35 AM. As I sit in class, ignoring my prof, i pondered the idea of a third jersey. Why is it that nearly every NHL team has come out with a new jersey in the past three years except for our beloved Oilers? Then it clicked. There's a plan. A conspiracy. There is no third jersey because of this elaborate plan, likely thought of by Katz Jr. 2016 is when this plan will come to fruition. With McDavid our #1 center, Rogers Place up and running, the Oilers will finally receive their third jersey...

What are your Oilers conspiracy theories?

Sad thing is I hope you're right.

Your conspiracy promises better days.

I think we just suck in every facet of hockey.

Drafting, Developing, Pro Scouting, Trading, UFA signing, Coaching, Playing.

I even suck at watching.. usually fall asleep or change the channel and forget to change back.

 

[Gret99zky]

The Oilers did not land on the moon.

 

[Gret99zky]

I even suck at watching.. usually fall asleep or change the channel and forget to change back.