Captain Dave Poulin
Imaginary Cat
Welcome To The 20/21 Flyers Board NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot, PHASE EIGHT! Part One!
We have now completed seven metaphysically satisfying phases, and in the process effectively obliterated our grief (insomuch as that is possible) over the state of the Earth Prime Shitheads and the denoument of their diarrhea season from Hell. F*** that noise, amirite?
We once again plant our feet in the present misery, however, as we round out our roster of Current Hockeyers, because to not do so now would be the very height of stupidity, the Arizona of imbecility, the not-hugging-Provy-when-Provy-exudes-greatness of … somethingness. Anyway, here we go with PHASE EIGHT!
CURRENT PLAYERS
It is especially important now and moving forward to carefully check the lists on the first page and in that spreadsheet to make sure you don’t pick someone who has already been chosen. I know it’s confusing, but we have chosen a shit ton of shit. And players.
This could be seen as our “Fourth Current Line,” since we already have three Current Lines and calling it anything else would be defective. The same rules as PHASE SIX! apply - they have to be alive, and they must be currently playing professional hockey - but we are finished (for now) choosing f***ing goaltenders. We will use Hockey Reference to confirm positional integrity. Don’t worry about “right” and “left” for defensemen. So these are the positions you need to fill as we continue to pretend that hockey matters.
- LW
- C
- RW
- D
- D
IMPORTANT RATIONAL STUFF
Remember that your very survival in the new world could depend on these choices in ways we couldn’t ever imagine, and your very enjoyment in surviving will definitely depend on these choices in ways that only I and my team of crack (pipe) scientists could ever imagine.
Unless otherwise stated, the people and things below can be anyone/anything except people/things that have already been explicitly picked OR cause conflict with our “No Duplicates” law of the new universe.
- Team Charity - pretty straightforward - choose an existing charity that you would bring with you to the new dimension and donate to.
- Team Standalone Book - can’t choose a book by someone else’s team author, but it can be part of a series. You can’t pick a whole series. Includes fiction, non-fiction, graphic novels, comic books (one edition, not a series), coffee table books, self-help bullshit, etc.
- Team Dog/Cat Breed - I use the term “breed” loosely, but you can’t pick “all rescue dogs” or “all stray cats” - be specific. I can’t say more without pick tipping, so use your common sense.
- Team Re-Draft - you can replace anything you have picked with something else, but it has to be something available, i.e. that no one has chosen. No Duplicates.
- Team Disney Song - pick a song in a Disney production and put it in your [REDACTED} to play in the new world.
- Team Historical Figure - find a figure from history and pick that f***er. No Duplicates.
- Team Chicken and Celebrity Lookalike - you have to find a pic of a chick and say what celebrity it looks like to you, and that celebrity’s name will be shared by that chicken, which you will bring with you on the [REDACTED] to play with in the new world. This is actually good practice for a future category which rules so f***ing hard that I can hardly believe it myself, even though I thought of it. This future pick will not involve chickens. Just you wait.
- Team MISL Team (City, Nickname, Colors) - if you remember, I chose this a couple of phases ago at the same time Rebel chose the PBHL. You are picking a Major Indoor Soccer League franchise to play in my year of 1980, when the Earth Prime version of the MISL was at its awesome zenith. (My forward scouts, Spaceman Spiff and Dandelion, discovered a timesink that will send us to Quackverse 1980.) The same rules as the PBHL apply - we are all going to choose a city and nickname, like we did with our original franchises, and team colors. We will adhere to No Duplicates principles, but like you could put your team in the same city as your hockey team, or your minor-league team, or your PBHL team if you wanted. Must be in North America. Not that anyone would, but the St. Louis Steamers franchise is not available - to me or anyone else - it has been retired. The reason it has been retired is that I couldn’t stand for someone else to have it, but it wouldn’t be fair to like reserve it for myself, so we’ll just take it off the board. Like I said, it’s not like anyone would anyway.
Remember: “Chaos” is not the same thing as “Havoc.” Engage in the former, not the latter. We have a whole ton of stuff left over for PHASE SIX! so don’t worry if categories you wanted aren’t in here - I will champion them later with the boss.
For the first round, we will give everyone 12 hours to get revved up again - for all the succeeding rounds, it will be six hours. The daily clock starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 10 p.m., all times Eastern. This is a MONGOOSE DRAFT, which is the same functionally as a snake draft, but isn’t named after the **** of the animal world.
Don't forget to tag the next person in your pick post AND send a PM.
DRAFT ORDER
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Flytimmo - Boston FlyTimmos
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Striiker - Allentown Attack
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Mighty Ducks
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Flytimmo - Boston FlyTimmos
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
Striiker - Allentown Attack
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Mighty Ducks
BernieParent - Tampa Bay FireSticks
Hurricane28 - Virginia Beach Surge
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
RIVALRIES
| HOST | RIVAL | |
| Allentown Attack | vs | New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins |
| Boston FlyTimmos | vs | Los Angeles Whalers |
| Chicago Chimpanzees | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Honolulu Ghibli | vs | Florida Methgators |
| Jacksonville Methgators | vs | Tampa Bay FireSticks |
| Las Vegas Desert Ducks | vs | Providence Platypi |
| Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha! | vs | Boston FlyTimmos |
| Los Angeles Whalers | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Montreal Sexpos | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins | vs | Allentown Attack |
| New York M.A.D. Cats | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Philadelphia Villains | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Portland Fog | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Providence Platypi | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Quebec Lapins | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Seattle Sockeyes | vs | Vancouver Beavers |
| St. Paul Stay Pufts | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| Tampa Bay FireSticks | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Vancouver Beavers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Virginia Beach Surge | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
NO NAMING NAMES, NO PICK TIPPING, NO ICE CREAM BANTER, NO TWITCH SHIT, SNITCHES GET STITCHES!
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
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