She is cancer free for now, so we are thankful for that, but the treatments resulted in so many other health issues that her quality of life is dramatically affected. Fortunately for us, we have really good insurance and both do well enough with our jobs that we've been able to absorb the out of pocket pretty much. We have come to know others over the course of her treatments who were not as fortunate financially and the extra burden that has added to them is terrible.
(this post turned into a lot, don't feel pressured to gobble it all up if you don't want)
I am so glad she is cancer free for now. that is such a blessing for you and I hope it feels that way. I want to try to keep coloring inside the lines in this discussion so it doesn't spiral out of control like so many discussions on this topic do online. but I do want to say that I feel what you're saying very deeply and have a lot to say about it. and hopefully this will make sense by the end of my post.
my perspective on healthcare in the US has evolved so much in my life. as a kid it seemed like the simplest thing, get some insurance, go to the doctor, pay the premiums, and move on with your life. that's one of many luxuries afforded children by caring and financially OK parents I think.
then as a young college student who had to arrange, for the first time in his life, his own health insurance, I ran smack into an unjust system that seemingly had no interest in my prosperity, be it health, financial, or otherwise. thought I could simply get BCBS type coverage, and thereafter applied. several *months* later I received a thunderclap in the form of a gold-colored envelope: premiums of over $1k per month with $5k deductible. for a 22 year old man who almost never went to the doctor and was healthy as a horse aside from a lifelong ambulatory disability. where the hell was I supposed to come up with that kind of money? and this decision was based on a pre-existing condition that had been given me as a child, literally through actual malpractice that was litigated in my favor before I knew how to process object permanence.
so my feelings about healthcare became very idealistic at this time. I researched single-payer healthcare and the impact it can have both in overall public health but also maintaining a stable and resilient society. I appealed this decision to the Insurance Board of NC. wouldn't you know it, a pale grey envelope from this government body arrived on a much faster schedule than the initial premium determination did. my appeal was denied with extreme prejudice and no supporting explanation whatsoever. so I got bitter. and altogether I was without insurance for 15 years, ignoring who knows what health issues along the way. my rule was no fever, no doctor. darkly and out of sheer good fortune, it has been the most positively impactful financial decision I've ever made. obviously the opposite would be true if I had so much as broken an arm in a car accident (of which I had two major ones during this period).
when I moved to Canada, it took a year before I was eligible for OHIP, Ontario's public healthcare system. during that time I had several encounters with other healthcare systems in France and the UK. had an accident where my $2500 brace (paid for out of pocket by me by the way) broke stepping off a plane in London on the first stop of a year-long world travel excursion. also had a really gnarly bout of food poisoning in Paris that necessitated a trip to the emergency room where I at long last got to practice my French. in both cases I was struck by an experience in hospitals where the only concern was the pursuit of a medical solution to my issue, and no discussion about costs and prices and networks and so on. here in Toronto I hooked up with a local orthotist who was repeatedly repairing my new, tragically misdesigned $3k brace to replace the broken one (also paid for out of pocket!) at a heavily discounted rate because she felt sorry for my insurance situation back in the states.
so many friends in NC who knew my situation and felt sorry for me. so many practitioners in other countries who saw my plight and took financial hits on their budgets by treating me for free or at discounted rates. and everyone saw precisely how the system was set up to screw over people like me and people less fortunate than me.
anyways once I got coverage here I immediately made a couple appointments with a local family doctor and began to pursue latent concerns I had had over the preceding 15 years of medical neglect. several issues were resolved relatively quickly, and a couple other long-standing ones haven't necessarily been vanished, but I know about them and have a plan for how to work with them, mitigate them, or triage them if the need arises.
suffice to say that moving to a preventative approach to my health has added probably a decade or more to my life, and I do not say that flippantly. I'm healthier than I've ever been. not having the weight of worrying about balancing my needs vs my financial means has given me energy and headspace to actively improve my health outlook, lower my weight, cholesterol, blood pressure, and institute a workout plan that has given me new muscle mass and physical capabilities that I literally never knew I could have throughout my entire life. I don't know if I can overstate how much that means to me. doctors look at me with their jaws dropped when I describe this to them.
and like you, all along my ups and downs in this, the times I was trembling in a waiting room at urgent care in Raleigh thinking about how much I'd have to pay if what I'd been ignoring for years turned out to be dreadfully serious, the times I waited out a really bad respiratory infection or had some weird thing under my fingernail as roll of the dice to avoid paying $120 to walk in the door of the doctor's office, or got whiplash when my car was flipped into a house on New Bern Avenue, I met others in those waiting rooms who were stunningly less fortunate than me. who maybe didn't have the paralyzing anxiety I had, only because they had resigned themselves to towing a millstone of debt behind them for the rest of their lives as a result of a perfectly reasonable medical inquiry. despite having a unique disability, I was no different from them aside from circumstances. and that thought just broke and continues to break my damn heart.