OT: Humour Thread
- Thread starter Hunter368
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ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
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The Nathan's pop-up vendor in the middle of it all
With DC falling around him and thousands of people descending upon the nation’s Capitol building, one man saw an opportunity. A popup vendor tent was paced on the Capitol lawn selling Nathan’s hot dogs, fries, chicken and drinks. Set up near the foot of the steps, the concession stand made it easy for protesters to grab a dog and rush the nation’s most iconic federal building through a garage of teargas and pepper spray.
Vendor set up concession stand outside Capitol steps during protest – Shore News Network
ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
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A man feeling very depressed walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, “That’s quite a heavy drink. Is something wrong?” After quickly downing his drink the man replied, “I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
“Wow”, exclaimed the bartender as he poured the man a second triple scotch, “No wonder you needed a stiff drink. This one’s on the house.”
As the man finished the second scotch, the bartender asked him, “So what did you do?”
“I walked over to my wife”, the man replied, “looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through. I told her to pack her bags and get the hell out.”
“That makes sense”, said the bartender, “but what about your best friend?”
“I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said ‘Bad dog!’”
“Wow”, exclaimed the bartender as he poured the man a second triple scotch, “No wonder you needed a stiff drink. This one’s on the house.”
As the man finished the second scotch, the bartender asked him, “So what did you do?”
“I walked over to my wife”, the man replied, “looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through. I told her to pack her bags and get the hell out.”
“That makes sense”, said the bartender, “but what about your best friend?”
“I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said ‘Bad dog!’”
voyageur
Hockey fanatic
- Jul 10, 2011
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I can't put a link to it because it's adult content, but I have to say one of the best laughs I've had in a while was listening to the Tim Stapleton interview on Spittin' Chicklets.
It's late in the evening at a local bar and the crowd is thinning out.
A guy sees a woman towards the end of the bar. He didn't pay much attention to her at first. He figured she must be in her 50s. Maybe it was the late hour or the scotch but as the night wore on, he started checking her out even more.
He walks up to her, takes a seat and buys her a drink. He thinks to himself "Yeah she's older but she's really hot." The conversation heats up after another round of drinks.
The woman turns to him and says "Have you ever had a mother-daughter threesome?"
He replies "Matter of fact, I have not."
She says to him "Well tonight's your lucky night."
She takes him back to her place, opens the front door and turns on the light.
Then she yells upstairs " Ma, are you still up?"
Ah crap, wrong thread. Well I’m not moving it. Hopefully it works as a crossover, lol.
A guy sees a woman towards the end of the bar. He didn't pay much attention to her at first. He figured she must be in her 50s. Maybe it was the late hour or the scotch but as the night wore on, he started checking her out even more.
He walks up to her, takes a seat and buys her a drink. He thinks to himself "Yeah she's older but she's really hot." The conversation heats up after another round of drinks.
The woman turns to him and says "Have you ever had a mother-daughter threesome?"
He replies "Matter of fact, I have not."
She says to him "Well tonight's your lucky night."
She takes him back to her place, opens the front door and turns on the light.
Then she yells upstairs " Ma, are you still up?"
Ah crap, wrong thread. Well I’m not moving it. Hopefully it works as a crossover, lol.
Last edited:
DeepFrickinValue
Formally Ruffus
- May 14, 2015
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ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be a record label” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man, “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must be a recording artist “
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be a record label” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man, “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must be a recording artist “
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
Jetfaninflorida
Southernmost Jet Fan
ryerockarola
Registered User
- Nov 20, 2011
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- 7,586
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr Schwartz,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a huge penis like that. It has to be saved for posterity.”
With that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s hugeness.
He stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened the briefcase.
“Oh my God!” the wife screamed, “Schwartz is dead!”
“I’m sorry Mr Schwartz,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a huge penis like that. It has to be saved for posterity.”
With that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s hugeness.
He stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened the briefcase.
“Oh my God!” the wife screamed, “Schwartz is dead!”
