How to motivate a novice (or any) player for tryouts?

[Frank Drebin]

I feel ya OP with your youngest. My son is a 2013 and last year almost ruined hockey for him. He got so tired of practice/practice/practice with no games last year, he told me he didn't want to play this year. Then he changed his mind, but its still a struggle to get him to go to practice after school. Games are not an issue, he loves the competition and atmosphere, but practices are "boring". Yet once he gets on the ice he's having a great time horsing around with his buddies and joking around in the room.

I know it comes across as living vicariously through my son and imposing my will on him but I really feel that keeping him in hockey will be good and enjoyable for him long term, this is just kid stuff that will work itself out later. Hope so anyways, if we keep seeing these same patterns in 2 or 3 years it will be time to pull him out.

 

[Frank Drebin]

Maybe it has nothing to do with you and your attempts to “motivate” and everything to do with them. Kids get their own motivation when it comes to them…on their own. Some get it at six or seven, some don’t get it until they are twelve or thirteen…some never do. The stories you hear from athletes about parents who tried to “motivate” them at a young age, rarely turn out well. I’ve been telling you this for a long time, but you refuse to listen.

I figured it out in my 20's. With school and sports. What the term "apply yourself" really means.

The only way I could think of teaching this to my children is to give them one task to focus on, say one math test, if you can get a 95% on it I'll give you $100. Or whatever it is that would motivate them for that one week. I would help them study for it, teach them how to study to get high grades. And then once they achieved that mark, I would just put it in their head, wouldn't it be fun to get marks like that all the time?

For sports, I played goalie. As a young man playing every once in 10 or 15 games I'd have a real heater where I was unbeatable. The rest of the games I was a mixture of poor to good. It was at the end of one season where I had a heater in my final game of the season (in a losing effort) and I said to myself, "why can't I play like that all the time?" and I realized it was all effort based.

But its definitely something that can't be taught, but you can give hints along the way.

 

[Yukon Joe]

I feel ya OP with your youngest. My son is a 2013 and last year almost ruined hockey for him. He got so tired of practice/practice/practice with no games last year, he told me he didn't want to play this year. Then he changed his mind, but its still a struggle to get him to go to practice after school. Games are not an issue, he loves the competition and atmosphere, but practices are "boring". Yet once he gets on the ice he's having a great time horsing around with his buddies and joking around in the room.

I know it comes across as living vicariously through my son and imposing my will on him but I really feel that keeping him in hockey will be good and enjoyable for him long term, this is just kid stuff that will work itself out later. Hope so anyways, if we keep seeing these same patterns in 2 or 3 years it will be time to pull him out.

As you say you certainly can't "impose your will" on a kid, but you can give them nudges.

As a kid I played one year of hockey then quit. Thinking back on it though the reason I quit is I felt like I was no good - what's the point of playing if you suck? But as an adult I realize that the reason I was no good was because I only played one year of hockey, and started later than most other kids. It was never that I didn't enjoy the game of hockey itself. So I do now feel like if my parents would have pushed me to stick with it a bit longer I would have really enjoyed it more.

Because I see the same with my 2013 kid. He's actually not a bad skater (this is his 4th year of hockey) but he struggles with self-confidence on and off the ice (we're actually working with his teacher on this). He's convinced himself he's a bad hockey player and skater - even though he made the Tier 2 team. But then because he's convinced himself he's bad he gives up on plays all the time, so it becomes self-fulfilling.

So because it's a self-confidence issue, rather than just a hockey issue, I kind of want him to stick with it. But maybe not - there's a real chance this will be his last year.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Your comments ring true for me, I have an 8 year old who was restricted to practices last season, so this is basically his first year of U9. They are showing only the slightest signs of positional play, really no one is playing defence and AFAIK no one has any defined roles other than the goalie. They're still kind of chasing the puck in a clump although they have the sense to know that they should at some point try to get open to provide an outlet for the puck carrier.

The half ice is starting to feel constraining at this age, my kid is a reasonably quick skater and it feels like after a few hard strides he's getting ready to slow down/stop. For 8 year olds I wonder if the extra puck touches that supposedly come with the smaller surfaces would be outweighed by the sheer exercise they'd get going up and down a full rink... at this age they have a lot of energy to burn. It looks to me like not many of the kids are sweaty when they step off the ice. Not to mention anything that makes it feel more like the "real thing" serves as a bit of a motivator. My kid was pretty excited to have refs, faceoffs and the scoreboard lit up, counting score this season. Made it feel more like real hockey and not just a playground game.

There are trade-offs for sure, but I think on balance the half-ice model is probably better. My oldest did play full ice at that age level. Yes they definitely get a lot of skating in - but that's it - theyr'e constantly skating back and forth across the ice. One or two good players can totally dominate with so much room. And it's not like they still didn't cluster around the puck A LOT. The kids were also constantly going off-sides which leads to a lot of breaks in the action (because we're still talking about 7-8 year olds). Half ice is nearly continuous, so you're getting a lot more total hockey being played for your 60 minutes.

But yes, the negatives are it's not like "real" hockey, we don't even keep score. And sitting in the stands it's not as fun to watch as a full-ice game.

 

[Frank Drebin]

As you say you certainly can't "impose your will" on a kid, but you can give them nudges.

As a kid I played one year of hockey then quit. Thinking back on it though the reason I quit is I felt like I was no good - what's the point of playing if you suck? But as an adult I realize that the reason I was no good was because I only played one year of hockey, and started later than most other kids. It was never that I didn't enjoy the game of hockey itself. So I do now feel like if my parents would have pushed me to stick with it a bit longer I would have really enjoyed it more.

Because I see the same with my 2013 kid. He's actually not a bad skater (this is his 4th year of hockey) but he struggles with self-confidence on and off the ice (we're actually working with his teacher on this). He's convinced himself he's a bad hockey player and skater - even though he made the Tier 2 team. But then because he's convinced himself he's bad he gives up on plays all the time, so it becomes self-fulfilling.

So because it's a self-confidence issue, rather than just a hockey issue, I kind of want him to stick with it. But maybe not - there's a real chance this will be his last year.

One thing I've noticed, that since having kids - I've come to terms with my own limitations in the past that I could never have done before. Both my kids are fairly average athletically, and not overly interested in sports - and I can see kids live and breathe sports and that can pick up skating or swing a golf club just like *that*. It makes me realize that I was never that gifted athletically - its not that I started late or didn't get to play on artificial ice or anything like that. Sure those things would have helped but truth is I just wasn't destined to be that good.

Your comment about you quitting when you were young because you were discouraged and your now 8 year old feeling the same just prompted that thought. Our kids are similar to us in ways we dont even realize.

 

[Yukon Joe]

One thing I've noticed, that since having kids - I've come to terms with my own limitations in the past that I could never have done before. Both my kids are fairly average athletically, and not overly interested in sports - and I can see kids live and breathe sports and that can pick up skating or swing a golf club just like *that*. It makes me realize that I was never that gifted athletically - its not that I started late or didn't get to play on artificial ice or anything like that. Sure those things would have helped but truth is I just wasn't destined to be that good.

Your comment about you quitting when you were young because you were discouraged and your now 8 year old feeling the same just prompted that thought. Our kids are similar to us in ways we dont even realize.

So my oldest kid is a 2010, a few years older than yours. He's been playing now for 6 years, all with the same club, so we've seen a lot of the same kids over those years. Those kids who were lights out at 6 years old aren't necessarily the ones who are now competing at the highest levels at age 11-12. Hard work and determination are such a huge part of any activity. My theory is that if you're naturally gifted you can get away without doing any hard work - for awhile. But sooner or later the hard work wins out.

I was definitely never going to be a great hockey player. But if I would have stuck with it I wouldn't have felt like I was terrible - I could have been perfectly average even.

 

[jetsmooseice]

One or two good players can totally dominate with so much room.

That's a good point, I didn't think about that. But that said, at the house league level (there is only one 'elite' A1 team at this level in our area, everyone else is house league) you don't see any kids really dominating. Or at least I haven't yet seen it this season, they seem reasonably evenly matched especially given that coaches do a decent job of putting out lines of reasonably similar skill against each other. But I guess it is possible and it wouldn't be fun for the kids.

The scorekeeping thing is kind of nice, it does get at least my kid excited. He loves to follow the pro and junior scores and standings so having that element gets him more into it. But the scores do tend to be a bit lopsided so I'm not sure how enthusiastic he'll be if his team gets drilled 12-2 three weeks in a row. We'll see, I guess

 

[Frank Drebin]

So my oldest kid is a 2010, a few years older than yours. He's been playing now for 6 years, all with the same club, so we've seen a lot of the same kids over those years. Those kids who were lights out at 6 years old aren't necessarily the ones who are now competing at the highest levels at age 11-12. Hard work and determination are such a huge part of any activity. My theory is that if you're naturally gifted you can get away without doing any hard work - for awhile. But sooner or later the hard work wins out.

I was definitely never going to be a great hockey player. But if I would have stuck with it I wouldn't have felt like I was terrible - I could have been perfectly average even.

Yup. I suck as an athlete but because I loved hockey so much I got to share the ice with some very accomplished hockey players as an adult simply because of determination and focus.

But again, that's very hard to teach.

 

[MDCSL]

Man there are some strong takes in this thread, it doesn’t matter if it’s hockey or any other sport as a parent you should strive to teach your children hard work will lead to rewards, it’ll do them good for their entire life

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

Man there are some strong takes in this thread, it doesn’t matter if it’s hockey or any other sport as a parent you should strive to teach your children hard work will lead to rewards, it’ll do them good for their entire life

It’s a difficult line to walk, however.

I try to juggle the philosophy with my daughter that hockey is above all suppose to be fun, but emphasize she needs to work hard every shift.

I told her that if she insists on playing travel I expect her to bust ass every shift and compete… she owes that to her teammates, coach and most importantly herself.

Travel hockey costs a lot of money and time and she needs to understand that playing is a privilege, and I expect her best.

I’ve told her many times that if travel becomes too much pressure or she isn’t having fun she can just play house.

I have made it known this is about what she wants to do and I’d be just as happy watching her play house.

I feel that it’s extremely important that a child knows there is no pressure from dad/mom to play travel, and I honestly don’t care.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Man there are some strong takes in this thread, it doesn’t matter if it’s hockey or any other sport as a parent you should strive to teach your children hard work will lead to rewards, it’ll do them good for their entire life

But that's the rub - how do you teach them that hard work will lead to rewards?

My 2013 kid had a turn as goalie in practice last weekend (the one with self-esteem issues). He immediately starts saying how bad he is at being a goalie. I try to tell him that practice is what will make him better, but he's just stuck on the fact that he's bad at this.


As an aside, we have to get better at training goalies somehow as coaches. For this practice I think I spent 5 minutes just showing the 2 goalies how to stand and the butterfly position (and I know almost nothing about goalies), and then they just spent the rest of the practice getting shot at. I don't think you're going to learn much that way.

 

[Porter Stoutheart]

...
I feel that it’s extremely important that a child knows there is no pressure from dad/mom to play travel, and I honestly don’t care.

I would definitely report a very mixed bag on getting that message across. I not only "don't care": for financial reasons I actively haven't wanted any of my kids to play travel hockey. But I think in hindsight, looking back now that they are older and can talk to me a little more openly, I realize only 1/3 really understood that. Ironically, the other 2/3 were the better Tier 1 players. But no matter what I said (I feel like I said it anyway), I don't think they quite understood. Not until they were 15/16 anyway. I don't really know how I could have said it any more clearly than... just not paying for it/doing it instead? It kinda seemed like the mere act of doing it implied the pressure was there, in their minds. Whereas in my mind, it was like, argh, ok, they WANT to do this, so how can I find a way to let them do it, but jeez, I really wish they wanted to do something else instead? :S

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

I would definitely report a very mixed bag on getting that message across. I not only "don't care": for financial reasons I actively haven't wanted any of my kids to play travel hockey. But I think in hindsight, looking back now that they are older and can talk to me a little more openly, I realize only 1/3 really understood that. Ironically, the other 2/3 were the better Tier 1 players. But no matter what I said (I feel like I said it anyway), I don't think they quite understood. Not until they were 15/16 anyway. I don't really know how I could have said it any more clearly than... just not paying for it/doing it instead? It kinda seemed like the mere act of doing it implied the pressure was there, in their minds. Whereas in my mind, it was like, argh, ok, they WANT to do this, so how can I find a way to let them do it, but jeez, I really wish they wanted to do something else instead? :S

Ya I hear you… I really dislike the whole travel thing and the money is a problem, but the politics and crazy parents are what I hate the most.

So I secretly wish my daughter played house.

Ie she wants to play for a prestigious program in our area next spring, as the coach has been asking us to have her come try out for his team… and I keep trying to talk her out of it.

I just don’t want to pay the money and deal with the hyper politics in that association. However it’s a great gateway for her getting a college scholarship.

I feel badly about it sometimes, but I just want nothing to do with that shit.

As far as the pressure thing, my daughter wants to play college hockey, be a captain, etc… so I’ve told her she has to learn to deal with the pressure now, because it will only intensify each year she plays high level hockey.

But I make sure she understands that if the pressure gets to be too much and it’s no longer fun, she needs to tell me.

 

[MDCSL]

But that's the rub - how do you teach them that hard work will lead to rewards?

My 2013 kid had a turn as goalie in practice last weekend (the one with self-esteem issues). He immediately starts saying how bad he is at being a goalie. I try to tell him that practice is what will make him better, but he's just stuck on the fact that he's bad at this.


As an aside, we have to get better at training goalies somehow as coaches. For this practice I think I spent 5 minutes just showing the 2 goalies how to stand and the butterfly position (and I know almost nothing about goalies), and then they just spent the rest of the practice getting shot at. I don't think you're going to learn much that way.

The goalie ones a hard, my one son is also a 2013 and he tried it this year - he was awful, and he hated it. Honestly I just told him don’t worry, goalie isn’t for you and you’ll have a lot more fun scoring goals than stopping them anyways.

As for teaching them hard work leads to rewards, I give them actual tangible rewards and they seem to self motivate afterwards.

Occasionally I give them a treat, but I don’t like using food as a reward so usually my son gets to pick an activity that he enjoys. Sometimes that’s been going to the movies, or the swimming pool. Once this year after he had a huge game where he scored 8 points, my son knew I had a day off coming up and asked me to play baseball with him so we went to the park and he smacked a softball at my head for a few hours.

Another good example would be my son playing on his super deker - it’s just a toy, not a training tool but still I told him if he could hit 60 without using the rubber bands I’d get him some Fortnite points, so he practiced for at least an hour every day until he did it. Now he’s found he likes it so much he uses it after school and before bed, and goes out into the yard to practice shooting every day, entirely self motivated.

 

[Yukon Joe]

What the heck I'll bump my favourite "tryouts" thread.

We're back at it. My 2010 kid really, really wants to make the AA team this year and is giving it hard out there. They play 3 scrimmages, make cuts, one more scrimmage, then form teams - everything is over in one week. We'll see how it goes, as this club pulls from a much wider area, and only has 2 teams to fill, so as a D-man he's fighting for one of 12 spots (with roughly 36 kids trying out at D, and a handful being returning players).

My 2012 kid wants to play higher up. He still has to go through the evaluation skates I mentioned 4 years ago. He did his on Sunday - they were good, better than average, but not knock your socks off amazing (I was helping out on the ice so I saw how the kids were doing). He'll probably be Tier 2 or Tier 3, which is fine. He actually said he didn't want Tier 1 as it ight be too much pressure.

2013 kid starts martial arts tomorrow. No hockey. I won't mention him much any more not because he's not important, but because this is a hockey forum after all.

The best/worst part of it is after being a hockey parent for so many years I know so many of the other parents out there. So you all sit together, but now our kids are all being judged against each other which adds a weird tension as well. It has to be worse for the kids - my 2010 kid changed schools this year to be with 5 of his buddies from hockey, and they'll all trying out for AA playing against each other.

So how about the rest of you - how are tryouts/evaluations going? Any stories out there?

 

[May Day 10]

Our tryouts all take place in March. Spring tryouts are typically during the holidays, and we are trying to sift through our options for that. Its tough with travel baseball and my kid really working toward playing in the Brick tournaments.

We ended up on a AAA/Tier 1 team for 2013s for this season. It is going very well. Good coaches and all the parents and kids seem to be very cohesive. Hoping this thing can last multiple/several seasons.

 

[Yukon Joe]

So my 2012 looks like he wound up in Tier 3 hockey. It kind of sucks because most of the kids he knows wound up in Tier 2. I think he could play at a Tier 2 level, but I can't argue he's "too good" for Tier 3. Now I'm just hoping he gets a good coach and good teammates.


My 2010... from about Christmas onwards he kept having coaches say how good he is, how he should definitely be playing AA hockey next season. They said it to give him confidence which it did, but then as the tryouts got here I think it started to give him some anxiety. He didn't want to let those coaches down. So he survived the big first roster cuts on Friday, then finally received the coach's call on Sunday - he'd made the team...

...only to be told that out of 19 kids, they are still going to make 2 more cuts.

He's got 3 practices this week and a game on the weekend to show he belongs on this team. And unfortunately the only other kid on the team that he knows also plays D, so they're competing for a spot.

Our tryouts all take place in March. Spring tryouts are typically during the holidays, and we are trying to sift through our options for that. Its tough with travel baseball and my kid really working toward playing in the Brick tournaments.

We ended up on a AAA/Tier 1 team for 2013s for this season. It is going very well. Good coaches and all the parents and kids seem to be very cohesive. Hoping this thing can last multiple/several seasons.

The Brick Tournament in Edmonton? I knew teams travelled for that one but didn't realize they'd be coming from upstate NY. Good luck to your kid. My oldest only really blossomed as a player the last couple years so The Brick tournament was never on our radar.

 

[May Day 10]

The Brick Tournament in Edmonton? I knew teams travelled for that one but didn't realize they'd be coming from upstate NY. Good luck to your kid. My oldest only really blossomed as a player the last couple years so The Brick tournament was never on our radar.

I dont believe the Edmonton one... but teams travel far. The Brick is a series that has quite a number of stops, but they are age-specific. There arent too many stops for the 2013 age group. Toronto, Boston, Vermont I believe for 2023.

 

[Yukon Joe]

I dont believe the Edmonton one... but teams travel far. The Brick is a series that has quite a number of stops, but they are age-specific. There arent too many stops for the 2013 age group. Toronto, Boston, Vermont I believe for 2023.

Interesting.

The name sponsor, The Brick, is a Canadian furniture store, started and headquartered in Edmonton, so I'm 99% sure the Edmonton tournament is the original one.

Fun fact: the Comrie brothers started the chain (it was bought out by competitor Leon's a few years ago). Goalie Eric Comrie, formerly of the Jets and now signed with the Sabres, is the son of one of the founders.

 

[Yukon Joe]

I think I'm back to the original question - how do you motivate a player for tryouts?

My 2010 kid "made" the AA team, but was then told they still needed to cut 2 more players. There's 3 practices and a game this week, and we're not sure when the last cuts are coming.

Apparently my kid was a nervous wreck out there for his last practice.

AT this stage, is there anything I can say or do to get him to relax?

 

[tarheelhockey]

I think I'm back to the original question - how do you motivate a player for tryouts?

My 2010 kid "made" the AA team, but was then told they still needed to cut 2 more players. There's 3 practices and a game this week, and we're not sure when the last cuts are coming.

Apparently my kid was a nervous wreck out there for his last practice.

AT this stage, is there anything I can say or do to get him to relax?

When you say nervous wreck, how bad are we talking? Bad enough to impact performance? Panic attack?

 

[Yukon Joe]

When you say nervous wreck, how bad are we talking? Bad enough to impact performance? Panic attack?

Not to the level of panic attack, but was visible on the ice and impacted performance.

That being said he seemed fine for his second practice the following day. We had his last year's coach (and coach for 3 out of last 4 years) give him a pep talk phone call, told him it's just another practice, it seemed to work for him.

 

[May Day 10]

That's tough on a one-shot basis. Without knowing your son, in a vacuum, I would probably suggest trying to relax him, re-assuring him that he is plenty skilled enough to make the team if he just goes out there and plays like he normally can play. Maybe reassure his confidence in saying that you thought he was terrific in tryouts.... but you would have to tow the line as to not make him over-confident and put him in a mindset where he would be even more devastated if he wasn't selected.
Also, a very critical thing right now, that should be reinforced, is that he displays hustle, listening skills, generally being a good teammate/kid and all that. Being early, getting dressed on-time.


For my son, who is still young, I have been playing a long-game for tryout situations.

First off, I have exposed him to hockey and baseball tryouts since he was 6. There have been times we did not intend to play somewhere, but I believe the tryout experience was/is valuable. He has also experienced the disappointment of not being selected. Furthermore, they are good networking experiences for both of us. Get to see coaches operate, get to see how a commute is, etc...

Second, at various times, I put extra 'pressure' on him for some games or practices, saying "X" coach is going to be there watching, and things like that. Even when its not true and at random. Pressure isn't a good word for it because I don't lean on him too hard. He responds well.

So as a result of this stuff (I think), he doesn't get too nervous for tryouts and performs well.

I think this stuff, honestly, are good exercises for many things in life, such as test-taking coming up in school, college, and all that. There are times it is clear that you really need to be 'on'.

 

[Slats432]

Not to the level of panic attack, but was visible on the ice and impacted performance.

That being said he seemed fine for his second practice the following day. We had his last year's coach (and coach for 3 out of last 4 years) give him a pep talk phone call, told him it's just another practice, it seemed to work for him.

Do you want to know how to keep a kid relaxed? Remind him that hockey is a years long process so no team, level, cut (And he will be cut from many teams) and he just have to go out and play for the love of the game each day trying to get better. I remind kids all the time that my kid went from PeeWee tier 6 and in three years was listed by the Regina Pats.

Remind him that is only job is to try his hardest and try to get better every day. His level will find him.

 

[Yukon Joe]

I think this stuff, honestly, are good exercises for many things in life, such as test-taking coming up in school, college, and all that. There are times it is clear that you really need to be 'on'.

So my kid has been cut many times in his hockey career. He tried out for a spring hockey team several times and was cut each time, from ages 6-10, only to make it at age 11 and 12. He tried out last year for this same AA winter team only to be cut at the last stage and took it pretty cool: "Okay, so what do we do next".

Like I said though, he's gone from a average to good hockey player to very good in the last 18-24 months.

I really cringed when those coaches this past year not only told him he was playing good, but specifically told him he should be playing AA. I think it had the effect of not as much encouraging him as putting pressure on him to not let those coaches down.