How to motivate a novice (or any) player for tryouts?

[ChuckLefley]

We've been at this for 2 years Chuck. I've tried replying in good faith, and you just reply that I'm what's wrong with kids sports and call me names.

No, you haven’t “replied in good faith.” You’ve replied by attacking me, by moving the goalposts, by refusing to hear anything that doesn’t jibe with what you are doing, by saying you’re done talking to me, but always coming back to have another go.

You repeatedly provided information proving what I said and you have decided to do it again with your latest post.

We can keep going, but despite plugging your ears and singing lay loudly to not hear what I am saying you are never going to prove what I am saying is wrong.

It’s up to you, be an adult and walk away, or keep acting like a little kid, desperate for the last word, desperate to prove that I am a big meany and everything you do makes you the bestest hockey dad in the world. The former redeems yourself slightly, the later just digs that already deep hole even deeper.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Convince isn't the right word. Explaining the pros and cons, and the alternatives. (If my son wanted to quit, we always told him, up to you but the exact same time you make that decision, the alternative would have to be chosen. Basketball, tennis, whatever) When ours quit a year and a half ago from Junior A, it always was his call.

Is there a clear understanding of why he wants to leave the game? Sometimes the solution is in the question. I heard a story of a kid that wanted to quit hockey. He was a goalie and quite good. 9-12 year old range I think. His reason for wanting to quit was the kids all jumped onto him when they won to celebrate and he hated that. He got the coach to correct it and the kids kept playing.

Understand the reason first.

I think that if I asked the reason he would give is "it's boring". But of course he sees it as boring he hasn't been able to play in a competitive game in the last two years of his hockey "career"!

 

[Spirit of 67]

Don't push.

Let him have fun.
This is the age they'll learn to love the game.
Or hate it.

Your choice.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Let him quit for a season and see if he misses it... if he does, he can always play spring hockey.

If not, I wouldn’t force him back into it.

We all try to do the best we can for our kids... I’m having the opposite problem where my daughter is obsessed with hockey and it’s been a long season of travel hockey.

I told her no spring hockey - no debate and the decision was final. She was upset but finally accepted the decision my wife and I made.

I want her to play other sports and be a well rounded athlete and child that’s not fixated on one thing.

She’s signed up to play travel soccer this spring and she keeps complaining about it, but she always has fun when she plays. So it’s annoying when she complains, but I told her she doesn’t have to play.

However I made it clear whining about soccer doesn’t mean she gets to play spring hockey.

I feel we made a healthy decision for her and in the end you have to just trust your own instincts and not worry about what others think.

We may wind up doing exactly that - after a year where his brothers are off playing games every week and he isn't he might want to go back to it. Only "problem" is that if he plays next year he'll still be playing U9, which means half-ice, no positions, much easier environment to play and learn the game. The year after that is U11, with full ice, positions, offsides - the whole shebang.

I have very mixed feelings about spring hockey myself. I mean this year is fine - the kids didn't get to play through the winter, but there is some prospect they can play games in spring hockey. So my oldest is all geared up to play spring hockey (middle kid is not). But other years, yeah, I would prefer they do different sports, use and develop different muscles, that kind of thing.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

We may wind up doing exactly that - after a year where his brothers are off playing games every week and he isn't he might want to go back to it. Only "problem" is that if he plays next year he'll still be playing U9, which means half-ice, no positions, much easier environment to play and learn the game. The year after that is U11, with full ice, positions, offsides - the whole shebang.

I have very mixed feelings about spring hockey myself. I mean this year is fine - the kids didn't get to play through the winter, but there is some prospect they can play games in spring hockey. So my oldest is all geared up to play spring hockey (middle kid is not). But other years, yeah, I would prefer they do different sports, use and develop different muscles, that kind of thing.

When my daughter was 8 she jumped from ADM (half ice) into a full ice summer league with no real experience and had no issues.

I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

I know you are likely worried about him falling behind, but that is just a consequence he will have to live with if he doesn’t want to play anymore (then decides he wants to come back).

Quite often a kid has to lose a privilege before they can fully understand if it’s something they truly enjoyed or not.

 

[jw2]

I was labeled a bad dad, but I'll double down - it's about being open and honest.

If the kid doesnt want to play, not a bid deal. I'd ask if he doesnt want to play right now (burned out from long season) or he doesnt want to play any more. Here, we cant always sign up late for a season, so if you dont register, you dont play. Wait a month or so after the hockey season ends. "Would you rather try lacrosse/indoor soccer/gymnastics next winter instead of playing hockey?" I guess it wasn't clear in my previous posts, but ensure you are not putting pressure on the kid for the decision, just ask what they want to do.

You know your kids, other posters dont.

 

[The Crypto Guy]

If you have to motivate a young kid to want to play, then he probably shouldn't be playing and you shouldn't try to force him.

 

[ChuckLefley]

If you have to motivate a young kid to want to play, then he probably shouldn't be playing and you shouldn't try to force him.

You’d better be careful, he gets made when people say things he doesn’t like.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Anyways, back to the question of motivation.

My oldest kid (2010) who I started this thread asking about, is now very motivated and really loves playing hockey. My middle kid (2012) is fairly motivated and likes hockey.

But now what about my youngest kid (2013)? He always complains when we say it's time to go to hockey but has fun once we get there - this is not unusual in kids. He's had a rough couple of years though: last year in Initiation he was placed on a super-stacked team and in games he basically never had meaningful touches with the puck. I had figured this year would be his year to shine because he was now tiered with kids of the appropriate skill level (low), but of course Covid happened and he hasn't played a game all year. And us coaches try our best but there's only so much fun to be had in doing nothing but practices.

So anyways, he's said 2-3 times he does not want to play hockey next year. He's old enough it's up to him, but I still think it's okay to have some influence on that decision. His brothers went through the same hesitancy at about the same age (as seen in this thread) and came through it liking hockey. And I saw a flash of it last weekend - coach had them play 3 on 3, short ice for the last 10 minutes (which is actually against public health orders, but whatever) and he played great, and what's more he had a big smile on his ice because he knew he did great.

Anything I can say or do now to try and convince him that, once it comes to hockey registration in June, to get him to agree to sign him up again?

So locally in Alberta we're on pins and needles to find out if the province is going to allow youth sports games on Monday. If not, season is over. If yes, they haven't said exactly but probably a couple weeks of hockey games.

So my youngest guy had maybe his last hockey practice of the year. Coach said f*** it for the last 10 minutes and had the kids play 5 on 5 full ice (with only 10 skaters total, so they got tired fast). Goalies are not wearing goalie equipment.

Anyways my youngest guy did great - broke up some plays, scored on a breakaway, took the puck almost end to end with a defender, went behind the net and tried to score a wraparound. All this on a kid who only scored one goal last year when I told him to just stand in front of the other team's goalie and wait for a rebound.

Remember - this is the lowest tier of hockey for his age. Overall he's still not very good. But I was so proud of him for not feeling discouraged, for really trying, and finding success. And he enjoyed it.

Next year is still up in the air. He's really excited to try martial arts - we have session booked for Thursday. If that's his thing, I'll be happy he found his thing, even if I would have preferred hockey. But maybe he'll give hockey one more try next season.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

So locally in Alberta we're on pins and needles to find out if the province is going to allow youth sports games on Monday. If not, season is over. If yes, they haven't said exactly but probably a couple weeks of hockey games.

So my youngest guy had maybe his last hockey practice of the year. Coach said f*** it for the last 10 minutes and had the kids play 5 on 5 full ice (with only 10 skaters total, so they got tired fast). Goalies are not wearing goalie equipment.

Anyways my youngest guy did great - broke up some plays, scored on a breakaway, took the puck almost end to end with a defender, went behind the net and tried to score a wraparound. All this on a kid who only scored one goal last year when I told him to just stand in front of the other team's goalie and wait for a rebound.

Remember - this is the lowest tier of hockey for his age. Overall he's still not very good. But I was so proud of him for not feeling discouraged, for really trying, and finding success. And he enjoyed it.

Next year is still up in the air. He's really excited to try martial arts - we have session booked for Thursday. If that's his thing, I'll be happy he found his thing, even if I would have preferred hockey. But maybe he'll give hockey one more try next season.

I legit laughed when I read this... it’s exactly what I’ve been telling my daughter.

I feel badly for her because she has gone the entire season without a goal and she has one game left to do it.

She went from playing in a summer league where she scored 3-4 goals a game, to not scoring even one goal the entire season.

It’s bothering her and I try to not make a big deal about it.

This is her first year of travel and she made a 10u tier 3 (out of 6) team as a 9 year old, and was doing well in preseason and even scored a goal.

Unfortunately, her team was full of all ten year olds and really good.. so they smashed every team they played in preseason and got moved up to AA.

Now so she has had no room to even breathe as these kids all can motor in this tier and they all backcheck like fiends.

She was one of only three nine year olds in the entire association of 160 kids to even make tier 3 or above... and I keep trying to explain to her to be proud of that... what a difference a year of development makes, and playing agt these talented ten year olds is really tough, not to get down on herself.

So ya, I’m telling her the same old “get to the front of the net and bang in a rebound” mantra as you did with your kid.

 

[Yukon Joe]

So ya, I’m telling her the same old “get to the front of the net and bang in a rebound” mantra as you did with your kid.

Whatever works man.

It looked particularly silly with my kid. This was in U7, so 6 year olds playing cross ice. When he started he was right there in front of the goalie while the puck was on the complete other side of the ice. But sure enough less than a minute later the puck comes to his stick and BAM.

Your girl is luck to be playing at all. It's been a rough year here in Alberta - all we offer the kids is all the hard work of endless practices without the payoff of getting to play a game. They've all improved a lot, but I worry if we're going to lose a lot of players next year.

I also worry about goalie development. There's never enough goalies around to begin with. Normally in U9 they let any kid who is interested try out as goalie to try and get the kids interested, and then they have to dedicate themselves by U11. But I don't think any coaches have been bothering with goalies much in this practice-only environment.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

Whatever works man.

It looked particularly silly with my kid. This was in U7, so 6 year olds playing cross ice. When he started he was right there in front of the goalie while the puck was on the complete other side of the ice. But sure enough less than a minute later the puck comes to his stick and BAM.

Your girl is luck to be playing at all. It's been a rough year here in Alberta - all we offer the kids is all the hard work of endless practices without the payoff of getting to play a game. They've all improved a lot, but I worry if we're going to lose a lot of players next year.

I also worry about goalie development. There's never enough goalies around to begin with. Normally in U9 they let any kid who is interested try out as goalie to try and get the kids interested, and then they have to dedicate themselves by U11. But I don't think any coaches have been bothering with goalies much in this practice-only environment.

Ya I’ve tried telling her that she’s lucky to even be playing as we have family back home in Canada who have missed an entire season.

I don’t think that makes her feel any better about not scoring though, but what can you do?

I hear you about goalies and it’s the same here. They had to send out a notice before the season trying to get goalies, and this is the biggest hockey association in the area.

 

[armandoo]

 

[Yukon Joe]

Bump - it's time for 2021 evaluations! It all happens this weekend. (by the way - why do they do it on the long weekend, which guarantees we can't do anything on the last weekend of the summer)?

Oldest kid is trying out for AA U13 (former Peewee) for the first time. They go right into scrimmages right off the bat. His skills are where they are (pretty good), but I had hoped to get him out on the ice more in August just for conditioning if nothing else (he got sidelined by a positive covid test). He gets evaluated at his preferred position (defence) so that should help him. The one thing I'll talk to him about his scrimmages is just showing "hustle" even away from the puck. He's of two minds - part of him really wants to make the top level, but the other part of him wants to go back and play with a coach he played with for two years. That coach is now on the board of directors of the hockey club and has said if my son tiers at out the right level he'll put him on his team in a second. It's all up to him.

Now for the other two kids the same Covid protocols apply. Evaluations are based on one session of timed skating drills only. It all comes down to that one day.

Middle kid is moving up to U11 (former Atom) - which means he's playing full ice for the first time. He's excited to play full ice and positions (again he wants to play defence as well). I think he'll do okay, and am curious to see how his year goes. I just hope he winds up on a team with a kid or two he knows. I'll ask him if making a high tier is important to him, and if so stress the importance of trying his hardest. Last year he really wanted to make Tier 1 (wound up in Tier 2 and had a really good team).

Youngest kid is back for second year U9 (former Novice). While at the end of last season he said he didn't want to play, by the summer he said he'd play this year. We will see how it goes - I wrote off last year because he never got to play in any games, so this year is probably make it or break it for him. I do think he won't end up in the bottom tier - which would be nice because if the top tiers have overly committed parents, the bottom tier has very low commitment parents - attendance was often an issue last year.


I've put in to assistant coach the younger two kids again - hopefully I can do that. Teams for them should be formed by about this time next week.

 

[TSK1020]

tell them Melissa from class will be watching

 

[lorwood]

Without reading through this entire thread, here is my two cents

Skating, skating and more skating. In my opinion too many parents put a stick in a kids hands too soon. I am of the opinion that the hockey skills will improve much quicker and the frustration level will be much less if there is a strong skating foundation. I put my Grandson on skates at three years old. He first skated with a stick at six. He is now in his second year at squirt (10U) and has consistently been one of the strongest skaters since Dyno Mites. What he may lack in hockey skills is easily made up for in skating skills and the hockey skill progress has been exponential.

I find the best motivation is having friends on the same team. Nothing motivates a kid more in trying to improve than the knowledge of having to make the team his buddy's will be on.

 

[Yukon Joe]

Without reading through this entire thread, here is my two cents

Skating, skating and more skating. In my opinion too many parents put a stick in a kids hands too soon. I am of the opinion that the hockey skills will improve much quicker and the frustration level will be much less if there is a strong skating foundation. I put my Grandson on skates at three years old. He first skated with a stick at six. He is now in his second year at squirt (10U) and has consistently been one of the strongest skaters since Dyno Mites. What he may lack in hockey skills is easily made up for in skating skills and the hockey skill progress has been exponential.

I find the best motivation is having friends on the same team. Nothing motivates a kid more in trying to improve than the knowledge of having to make the team his buddy's will be on.

I put each of my kids in a skating-only program for their first year, but I actually wish I had put them straight into hockey instead.

For little kids having a stick in their hands gives them additional stability - they can lean on their stick to stay up. That gives them more confidence to be out on the ice. "Playing hockey" is also more fun than just skating around on the ice. That being said if you're coaching those ages you should absolutely be spending most of your time working on just skating, even if the kids have a stick in their hands.

And buddies can be a double-edged sword. Absolutely wanting to be on a team with your buddies is a powerful motivator - but what if your buddies are in a lower tier?

 

[jetsmooseice]

I put each of my kids in a skating-only program for their first year, but I actually wish I had put them straight into hockey instead.

I started my oldest (now 8) off in skating lessons when he was 3.5. He did that for a year and a half before moving to hockey. The main reason was because I put him in Timbits soccer at the age of 4 and it was a bust, he didn't care for it at all. But by the time he got to 5 he loved the idea of being on a hockey team and he has loved it ever since.

I guess I was just being cautious, I didn't want to sour him on the experience at a young age. It hasn't hindered his development any, at least as far as I can tell.

 

[Porter Stoutheart]

It still seems a little strange to me to read about kids doing hockey OR skating at such young ages... no worries, I know I'm an outlier... but at 3, 4, 5 my kids were all about Dora/The Wiggles/whatever and we never started skating and then hockey until 7,8. Which was indeed far behind the curve. It didn't ultimately prevent them from playing AAA or having the opportunity to go wherever they really want to push themselves in hockey, though. So for all that anybody might suggest these skating/hockey activities at young ages, I'll usually pipe up that it's not really necessary. I also don't see how it could possibly hurt in any way. But I'm definitely happy I saved that extra 3-4 years of $$$.

 

[Yukon Joe]

It still seems a little strange to me to read about kids doing hockey OR skating at such young ages... no worries, I know I'm an outlier... but at 3, 4, 5 my kids were all about Dora/The Wiggles/whatever and we never started skating and then hockey until 7,8. Which was indeed far behind the curve. It didn't ultimately prevent them from playing AAA or having the opportunity to go wherever they really want to push themselves in hockey, though. So for all that anybody might suggest these skating/hockey activities at young ages, I'll usually pipe up that it's not really necessary. I also don't see how it could possibly hurt in any way. But I'm definitely happy I saved that extra 3-4 years of $$$.

Well hockey itself isn't necessary when you really think about it. But it is fun to see the little tykes skating around the ice. Obviously each parent knows their kid and what they are ready for.

And those early years were really cheap. That's how hockey sucks you in - the little kids have really affordable prices, with really predictable ice times each weekend. Then you blink, 5 years go by, and you're paying a fortune and driving all over to get to early-morning practices.

 

[Mr Jiggyfly]

It still seems a little strange to me to read about kids doing hockey OR skating at such young ages... no worries, I know I'm an outlier... but at 3, 4, 5 my kids were all about Dora/The Wiggles/whatever and we never started skating and then hockey until 7,8. Which was indeed far behind the curve. It didn't ultimately prevent them from playing AAA or having the opportunity to go wherever they really want to push themselves in hockey, though. So for all that anybody might suggest these skating/hockey activities at young ages, I'll usually pipe up that it's not really necessary. I also don't see how it could possibly hurt in any way. But I'm definitely happy I saved that extra 3-4 years of $$$.

I laughed about the saving money part you wrote…

I was agt my daughter even playing hockey (because of the politics we are now dealing with since she’s become a travel player), but my wife insisted she should be given a chance and see where it goes… so that was when she was 4.

It was a good/bad thing for us. My daughter discovered a huge passion for skating which naturally lead to hockey, on the flip side the instructors f***ed up her mechanics.

I found myself on the ice a lot when I took her just to have fun, having to correct things the instructors showed her that were wrong or they weren’t fixing.

I stupidly let her keep going because she liked it, but it was a waste of money for us.

So if I could do it over again, I’d probably have saved all that money and taught her from square one.

 

[Meuracas]

Two words: be-er

 

[Yukon Joe]

Since this thread I started years ago was about motivation...

So my middle kid is 9. This is his 5th year of hockey.

For his first 4 years he was a very indifferent player. He'd be just slowly skating around, well behind the play, showing very limited motivation or energy. He didn't mind going to hockey, but he didn't show much passion for it either.

But somehow, for some reason, this year is different. He's really, really trying out there. Maybe because this is his first year of full-ice games? In the past he was playing cross-ice, then half-ice, but now he's playing a dedicated position (defence), and the coach has actual expectations about where he should be on the ice. Is that maybe the difference - he has a better idea what he should be doing, and not just part of a pack of kids chasing the puck? But anyways it's really cool to see him patrolling the blueline, determined to keep the puck in the o-zone.

Now if I could just figure out how to flip the same switch with my youngest kid, who is 8. Like his brother used to be he's slow, trailing the play, showing very little hustle - he isn't even sweaty by the end of a game.

 

[ChuckLefley]

Since this thread I started years ago was about motivation...

So my middle kid is 9. This is his 5th year of hockey.

For his first 4 years he was a very indifferent player. He'd be just slowly skating around, well behind the play, showing very limited motivation or energy. He didn't mind going to hockey, but he didn't show much passion for it either.

But somehow, for some reason, this year is different. He's really, really trying out there. Maybe because this is his first year of full-ice games? In the past he was playing cross-ice, then half-ice, but now he's playing a dedicated position (defence), and the coach has actual expectations about where he should be on the ice. Is that maybe the difference - he has a better idea what he should be doing, and not just part of a pack of kids chasing the puck? But anyways it's really cool to see him patrolling the blueline, determined to keep the puck in the o-zone.

Now if I could just figure out how to flip the same switch with my youngest kid, who is 8. Like his brother used to be he's slow, trailing the play, showing very little hustle - he isn't even sweaty by the end of a game.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you and your attempts to “motivate” and everything to do with them. Kids get their own motivation when it comes to them…on their own. Some get it at six or seven, some don’t get it until they are twelve or thirteen…some never do. The stories you hear from athletes about parents who tried to “motivate” them at a young age, rarely turn out well. I’ve been telling you this for a long time, but you refuse to listen.

 

[jetsmooseice]

Since this thread I started years ago was about motivation...

So my middle kid is 9. This is his 5th year of hockey.

For his first 4 years he was a very indifferent player. He'd be just slowly skating around, well behind the play, showing very limited motivation or energy. He didn't mind going to hockey, but he didn't show much passion for it either.

But somehow, for some reason, this year is different. He's really, really trying out there. Maybe because this is his first year of full-ice games? In the past he was playing cross-ice, then half-ice, but now he's playing a dedicated position (defence), and the coach has actual expectations about where he should be on the ice. Is that maybe the difference - he has a better idea what he should be doing, and not just part of a pack of kids chasing the puck? But anyways it's really cool to see him patrolling the blueline, determined to keep the puck in the o-zone.

Now if I could just figure out how to flip the same switch with my youngest kid, who is 8. Like his brother used to be he's slow, trailing the play, showing very little hustle - he isn't even sweaty by the end of a game.

Your comments ring true for me, I have an 8 year old who was restricted to practices last season, so this is basically his first year of U9. They are showing only the slightest signs of positional play, really no one is playing defence and AFAIK no one has any defined roles other than the goalie. They're still kind of chasing the puck in a clump although they have the sense to know that they should at some point try to get open to provide an outlet for the puck carrier.

The half ice is starting to feel constraining at this age, my kid is a reasonably quick skater and it feels like after a few hard strides he's getting ready to slow down/stop. For 8 year olds I wonder if the extra puck touches that supposedly come with the smaller surfaces would be outweighed by the sheer exercise they'd get going up and down a full rink... at this age they have a lot of energy to burn. It looks to me like not many of the kids are sweaty when they step off the ice. Not to mention anything that makes it feel more like the "real thing" serves as a bit of a motivator. My kid was pretty excited to have refs, faceoffs and the scoreboard lit up, counting score this season. Made it feel more like real hockey and not just a playground game.