Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've been happily married to my husband for 15 years; however, he was recently diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. Ever since his diagnosis, he's become a completely different person. He sometimes comes home in the middle of the night with no explanation of where he was. I found out he started smoking marijuana. I also have a pretty good suspicion he has a second cellphone, though he denies it. I desperately need help. I'm currently pregnant, to go along with a moody son, a husband with lung cancer and an overdrawn chequing account. -- Stressed and Confused, Winnipeg.
Dear Stressed: You have to get tough now. Your husband knows he's going to die and it won't be long, so he's doing whatever he pleases. He may not be thinking of you, his child and the baby any more, or when he does, it makes him depressed and panicky. Drugs and women are big distractions from those feelings, Second cellphones make contacting another woman or a drug dealer much easier.
So get refocused on yourself, your child and baby to come -- as if you are already on your own. What supports can you start putting in place? Do you have a job where you will get maternity leave? If not, can you go on social assistance? If necessary, what can you do to make money when the baby is little? Where will you live? Do you need to have a roommate, or move in with family? Who could that be? It's time to confess to friends and family exactly what your desperate situation is, financially and otherwise. Villa Maria, the home/centre (204-269-2114) for unwed/single mothers knows all the supports for pregnant women that exist in the city, so call them. You are not single now, but you will be when your baby is very young. Are your parents close? If they offer money to help you, don't be too proud. Accept it.
Do you need a food bank? Don't be ashamed to call Winnipeg Harvest so you and the kids can eat. As for sex, start using condoms again, on any excuse. If your husband is upset, say you have a vaginal infection you could pass on. Protect yourself and your children from a sexually transmitted infection. Your husband has focused on his shortened life. You must stand up and become a protective Mama Bear to your children.
