Speculation: Does John Marino exist?

[Peat]

bump

Look at this f***in kid

Am I though?

Or am I looking at nothing at all?

 

[HandshakeLine]

bump

Look at this f***in kid

He exists. Look at that absolute unit.

 

[Dipsy Doodle]

Am I though?

Or am I looking at nothing at all?

He exists. Look at that absolute unit.

"Are Penguins fans living in a simulation?

John Marino suggests...maybe."

 

[Dipsy Doodle]

"Are Penguins fans living in a simulation?

John Marino suggests...maybe."

I would also like to add that I don't know how this theme hasn't been a go-to hip-hop sample.

 

[Human]

In South Oakland born and raised, in a test tube he spent most of his days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool,
And all ripping some Chel outside of school
Till a Canadian club that was up to no good
Started making trouble in his neighborhood
He got in one stupid trade and his mom got scared
And sent him to an institution
I'm not crazy, you're the one that's crazy.
I just wanted a Pepsi.

All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me
Institution, I'm not crazy
Institution, you're the one that's crazy.

Class song!

 

[Dipsy Doodle]

"The original “Unsolved Mysteries” theme song was composed by Michael Boyd and Gary Remal Malkin"

 

[Pens1566]

Yeah, that's what we need around here ... philosophy.

 

[HandshakeLine]

Yeah, that's what we need around here ... philosophy.

 

[Andy99]

Poetry in motion!

 

[SEALBound]

He knows! They know! The gig is up!

ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

 

[Peat]

My theory is the original John Marino was abducted by aliens and has been replaced by their first attempt at creating the perfect hockey player. Nothing else accounts for his literally inhuman calm and how strong he is for a guy made of pipe cleaners.

The real John Marino currently floats in the Sargasso Sea, trapped in constant dreams of paradise.

 

[Deport Ogie]

I'm sorry to inform you of this but John is not, in fact, the son of Dan Marino. Let's stop the spread of this brutal misinformation.

In truth he is the son of Pittsburgh Bulls 1992 lacrosse superstar Butch Marino.

 

[Pens1566]

I'm sorry to inform you of this but John is not, in fact, the son of Dan Marino. Let's stop the spread of this brutal misinformation.

In truth he is the son of Pittsburgh Bulls 1992 lacrosse superstar Butch Marino.

Is he any relation to Vigo the Butch?

 

[HandshakeLine]

I’m just asking questions here, but...

 

[Bumpus]

How do any of us know we're not automatons?

With preprogrammed dreams of androids on ice?

 

[Mario_is_BACK!!]

Haven’t seen him during the pandemic pause.

 

[HandshakeLine]

I don’t think holograms can get diseases. Maybe computer viruses?

 

[gopens66]

How did I entirely miss this thread in December?

 

[Randy Butternubs]

The kid is so dang good. What a pleasant surprise.

 

[The Old Master]

I mean, I want some real proof. I think he's just a hard light hologram.

Prove me wrong!

naw! he just took off his pads and turned sideways.

 

[HandshakeLine]

How did I entirely miss this thread in December?

Because the Majestic 12 have hid it, but we pierced the veil my friends!

 

[Randy Butternubs]

From Evolving Hockey:

 

[HandshakeLine]

 

[The Great Mighty Poo]

There is no John Marino, Only Zuul.

 

[Scandale du Jour]

From Evolving Hockey:

I hate when people posts these things expecting us to understand what they mean.

Would you please explain what GAR is and, most importantly, if that's any good that Marino ranks where he does? Should a metric that has Ryan Ellis and Ryan Pulock (who I had to Google) top of the class be taken seriously?