First off, kudos to JT Miller for speaking out. I’m glad the NHL decided to delay the resumption a couple of days. Whether it’s sufficient remains to be seen.
I’m happy to see our Boys back in action and hope they’re all healthy enough to play. If this proves not to be the case, then I’ll be among the first to express my concerns.
Until then, I’m building this with fun foremost in mind from here on in. It’s been stressful for so many of us for so long, if I can give a smile or a chuckle, then this GDT is a success.
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MARC MICHAELIS |
BROGAN RAFFERTY |
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Joke A Day until Puck Drop
FRIDAY
I Posted this in the previous Pre-Game Thread, but for those who missed it...
A Touching Elephant Story
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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For those who saw the above joke, here’s another...
The New Husband Store
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1- These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2- These men have jobs and love kids. The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4- These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and the sign reads: Floor 5- These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay. But she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6- You are visitor 456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store!!
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner has opened a New Wives Store across the street. The 1st floor has wives who love sex. The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money. The 3rd through 6th floors have rarely been visited.
SATURDAY
Back in medieval times....
A decorated knight goes off to battle, but before he departs he leaves the key to his wife’s chastity belt to his best and most trusted friend.
1/2 a day after leaving , his friend catches up to him on his galloping horse , and out of breath his friend says ...,
“You gave me the wrong key”
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SUNDAY
Timmy and The Clowns
So, Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world. He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them
One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waiting to get the best seat in the house. And when he gets it, he camps for another two weeks outside the big top in anticipation.
The circus finally comes around to starting, and Timmy is ready. He buys his big popcorn and soda, and sits in the front row. The lights dim. Then the elephants come out on their balls, then the tigers and the acrobats. Then the clowns roll up in their mini VW Beatle, all piling out one by one. Then the head clown steps out and heads straight for Timmy, who is bristling with excitement.
"Are you the horse's head?" The clown asks. Timmy was dumbfounded, not knowing how to respond. "Then you must be the horse's ass!" The clown finishes. The crowd roars with laughter.
Timmy himself is decimated. His idol, role models, had just humiliated him in front of hundreds of people. So Timmy made a plan.
For the next few years, Timmy dedicates himself to studying the art of witty comebacks. All through highschool and into college he obsesses over it, finally graduating with an English degree majoring on witty comebacks. Timmy then goes on to found his own school, the university of witty comebacks, where he can teach people in the art of the comeback.
Then, after a few decades, he sees the big top circus is back in town. So he camps out for two weeks in front of the ticket booth, and gets the very best seat in the house. Then waits another two weeks before the show starts again.
He goes in without popcorn or a drink. He needs to focus, make sure he is perfect. Then the lights fade. And the elephants come out, and the tigers and acrobats, and finally the clowns. Just like before they all pile out of their vw Beatle, and the head clown walks straight up to Timmy.
"Are you the horse's head?" Asks the clown.
Timmy grabs the microphone and yells
"f*** YOU CLOWN!!
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