I was actually in Montreal for the big "No" rally that took place just prior to the referendum in 1995. There were hundreds of thousands of people there asking the Quebec people to stay in Canada. Busloads of people on the highways headed into Quebec. I cared about the issue, certainly, but it was also skipping a day of high school with parental permission.
Whether it had a significant impact or not is debatable, but I heard from numerous people while I was there who thanked me personally for coming.
The 1995 referendum was a very close thing, as the numbers bear out. But successive generations don't appear to be as concerned with separation. The numbers in favour of separation have dropped. The radical generation that had to fight for their rights in the 50s, 60s and 70s against the anglophone minority are losing steam. If the economy tanks again, maybe you'll see those numbers rise.
But I would say that Quebec in general appears to be relatively content with the system that is in place currently to protect the French language and culture. And let's be fair - Quebec is a pretty unique place in North America, surrounded by so much English.
There will always be separatists in Quebec. But the BQ and the PQ are not what they were, so I think you have to keep that in mind. And some who vote for those parties do so because they believe they will put Quebec's interests first, not necessarily because they want to leave Canada.
One thing you're going to have to watch is the association between "francophone" and "Quebecois".
Not all francophones are from Quebec. There are very strong francophone communities in Ontario, New Brunswick, and in areas out West including Edmonton, Winnipeg and Saskatchewan. I suspect that francophone separatists outside of Quebec are extremely rare.
I've had a lot of exposure to the Franco-Ontarian community and they are an extremely proud group of people who are also proud Canadians and actually extremely annoyed at the condescending attitude they receive from the Quebecois. Francophone communities outside of Quebec are a bit of an inconvenience to nationalists in Quebec because it proves that the French language can be maintained over successive generations outside of the motherland.
One extremely successful individual at a francophone legal conference he attended was told that he had "excellent French" for being from Ontario. Upon being told that he was in fact, a natural francophone, the Quebecois who made the comment was both surprised and dubious. "But you were born in Quebec?"
Another funny anecdote I'll share is about Mrs_NyQuil going out to dinner with some Franco-Ontarian colleagues. The topic of conversation was about how anglophones don't necessarily do enough to learn French. My wife said, "Watch this", and spoke in French to the francophone server. The francophone server immediately switched to English in response. Her colleague was surprised. "Is it always like that?"
They do it to be courteous, I'm sure, but it's hard to get any better when they switch to English upon hearing an accent. I have the same situation happen in my work consulting for the federal government. Sometimes I'll just keep speaking French for the hell of it.
Anyway, I respect you for your post and laying out your mindset. It's a brave thing to do. But statistically speaking, the francophone community in Canada has never been more Canadian.
When it comes to official bilingualism, it's a loaded issue. It costs a great deal of money in terms of translation and French training, and it does impact on hiring processes.
The rule of thumb in the Federal Government used to be, if you manage people, or if you deal with the public, you have to be bilingual. Is it fair for a anglophone or francophone citizen to have to interact with their government in their 2nd language? Or, as an employee, interact with a boss who doesn't necessarily understand you very well? The question of how far down a manager has to be bilingual is an interesting one.
I don't think there's a simple answer. My only suggestion would be to learn French, and encourage your kids to do so. Living in Ottawa, we have that opportunity - it's much more difficult in other places.