Franchise Custom Player NHL18 Game

[Weylspin]

sign S. Stains to a 2 year $8.395M AAV contract

sign W. Strangler to a 6 year $8.495M AAV contract

sign J. Hanson to a 2 year $4.580M AAV contract

 

[Paneerboy]

We pick up this offseason with Dab, sitting at home relaxing in mid-April (as he has the ENTIRETY of his NHL career). He sees long-time friends like Luke Schneider in contention for the Stanley Cup and gets angry that he isn't amongst them, playing for Lord Stanley. He decides to cheer himself up by going to CapFriendly and seeing how many players make less than him.

He goes through team by team until he reaches his New Jersey Devils. And what he sees shocks him.

He immediately dials his agent, Jake Beast. A couple rings pass by until he gets ahold of Jake.


"What is it, actually, whatever it is, make it quick. I just saw this hot broad at the bar have too much to drink and she's wide open, so make it snappy."

"Hey, BEST AGENT AROUND. Wanna explain to me how Mirco "15 points in a full season" Mueller lands $6M per YEAR?"

"I dunno man, his agency probably cut him a good deal, it happens every now and then."

"Yeah? How about this, Hischier getting $6.3M long term. Before this year, his career high in points was 42. 42!"

"It's just an agency hot streak, it'll wear off..."

"A 34 year old Taylor Hall reels in $8.5M for another 5 YEARS. Pavel Zacha, 39 points, $6.18M. Lehkonen, 37 points, $6.16M."

"Look, I understand you're upset, but-

"IAN McCOSHEN IS REELING IN $5.3M PER YEAR. GUESS HOW MANY POINTS HE SCORED THIS YEAR JAKE."

"What?" in a squeaky voice.

"HE HAD 3 MFABCDEFG***ING POINTS. 3."

"What are you trying to say?" in a squeakier voice.

"You have 2 years Jake. If I don't secure a MAX deal with the Devils, I'm OUTTA there, and you're losing a client. You got that?"

"Yes, yes, but you should really be taking this up with Nonis-"

"Good idea."

 

[Nicos]

Nice, Hanson got his request through and is flying to St.Louis! Watch out losers, new era has started.

 

[PredsForPresidents]

HE’S BACK B******. I was worried he wouldn’t make it to the show!

Had to make a deal with the “devil” to crack a roster.

Let’s hope the deal doesn’t include an extension!

 

[Paneerboy]

Dab leaves his mansion to be greeted by his 3 Lambos. He thinks to himself, "Which should I drive today?" He comes to the sensible conclusion that orange is the colour for anger, so he hops into his orange Lambo and drives up to Nonis' cottage.

*2 hours later*

"Damn, nice place", he comments as he pulls up in front of the cottage. He walks up to the front door to see that it's slightly open.

"Davie?", he says loudly as he sticks his head into the door. "We need to have a talk."

No one is there.

He walks through the cottage until he reaches the back door. Through the door he sees an entrace to the backyard, where Nonis is lying on a chair, sunbathing.

Dab grits his teeth and enters the backyard. He does it quietly so that Nonis is unaware of his presence. He creeps behind the chair and notices Nonis flipping through a Hooters magazine. Dab leans in towards Nonis' ear and whispers coldly, "Hey Dave."

As Nonis turns around, Dab steps back and delivers a swift kick to the chair. Nonis goes flying off the chair and stumbles onto the ground, his sunglasses dangling off one ear, the chair turned upside down and the Hooters magazine submerged in the lake.

"What the h-h-hell! You s-s-s-psychopath!", Nonis stutters as he scrambles to pick himself up.

Dab grabs him up by his t-shirt. "Hey Dave. I couldn't help but notice you relaxing while we ice a perennial meme of a team, year after year!"

"W-w-w-what are you talking about?" Nonis stumbles. "We're making s-s-steady improvements to the club-"

"Have you seen the contracts you're handing out? Mirco Mueller, $6M for 15 points. Hall is making $8.4M, he's as old as you! What about Ian "3 points" McCoshen, making $5M? You wonder why we don't have a goaltender? BECAUSE YOU PAY UP THE NOSE FOR TERRIBLE PLAYERS."

"Are you threatening me?", Nonis gasped. "If you don't put me down I'll call my lawyers!"

Dab drops him to the ground. Nonis scrambles to get up as Dab kneels beside him.

"Smarten up and put a better team on the ice, or I'll be back next summer." Dab turns around and walks away.

As Dab reaches the back door, he hears Nonis yell, "But McCoshen has intangibles!"

Dab spins around and charges toward Nonis. He makes impact with Nonis and Nonis flies into the water. Dab looks at him with cold eyes as Nonis comes up to surface and spits out water.

"Intangibles. Only Toews has intangibles." Dab says as he walks away.

The next day he wakes up to an alert on his phone. He opens up to see an article, "Dave Nonis resigns from GM position in New Jersey in surprising move". He smirks and closes his eyes. He hears a ring at his doorbell. He goes downstairs to open it and sees 3 police officers.

"Sir, I'm Chief Mat Icus, from the NJPD. You're coming with me."

 

[Paneerboy]

In a surprising turn of events, Dab does not get charged with criminal offense and police chief Mat Icus is announced as GM of the New Jersey Devils.

Good luck Mat. Hope Dab doesn't feel the need to throw you into a lake as well.

 

[Weylspin]

My laptop broke so I won't be able to make a full post until I get that fixed sorry for the delay!

 

[Nugget910]

Thanks for the update. Sorry about your computer.

 

[Cor]

Gretzky Jr has had a decent start to his career, but with no more Ovechkin in Washington, might need to look at Free Agency when his contract is up

 

[LaVar]

1st line center

 

[Weylspin]

After a long delay the next season is finally here! Stats are all posted here

As an update my computer is still broken so stats might take loner than usual

 

[Weylspin]

signed B. Lipon to a 2 year $4.410M AAV contract

signed G. Fieri to a 3 year $9.080M AAV contract

signed N. Tryamkicetike to a 1 year $1.040M contract

 

[Weylspin]

2027/28 Midseason lines
S. Girard - L. Obranec (1st pairing)
T. Riley - O. Simpson - N. Baptiste (4th line)
B. Mahoney - S. Monahan- C. McGregor (1st line)
D. Nurse - B. Hymen (2nd pairing)
S. Stains - B. Owens - S. Reinhart (1st line)
R. Rolling - H. Farmer - M. McCarron (3rd line)
M. Dumba - W. Strangler (1st pairing)
A. Galchenyuk- L. Ball - C. Boyes (1st line)
T. Hall - D. East - N. Hischier (1st line)
S. Crosby - N. Kurtz (1st pairing)
F. Forsberg - C. Blanchard - R. Rockwell (1st line)
A. Greer - T. Rick - Y. Trenin (4th line)
A. Tuch - A. Lowry - B. Lipon (2nd line)
J. Gaudreau - R. Duke - G. Fieri (1st line)
K. Vokoun - G. Merritt - J. Hanson (2nd line)
V. Namestnikov - L. Schneider - N. Kucherov (1st line)
B. Kane - E. Pettersson - M. Marner (1st line)
B. Patterson - W. Gretzky Jr. - J. Vrana
P. Padds (starter)
B. Nekkid (starter)
S. Ballsdeep (backup)
N. Tryamkicetime (healthy scratch)

 

[Cor]

Gretzky Jr isn’t a clutch player lmao

 

[PredsForPresidents]

That moment when you win an Art Ross as a dman

 

[Nugget910]

Finally hoisting the cup, glad I could help being it back to the Oil.

Buster Hymen

 

[Tryamkin]

Dear “Hockey Fans”

Well, the time has come for me to go. I’m sure we had all seen this coming. As a highly touted stud prospect with gamebreaking potential, I entered this league (or so I thought) with the hopes and dreams of being a franchise defenseman. Instead, I was shaking hands with a small oaf looking man

who promptly placed me in the AHL next to a smelly italian pizza delivery man for the next 3 years.

In my fourth year of incredibly exhilarating AHL Hockey with everyone’s favourite Chicago Wolves, I broke my leg at my house playing contact chinese checkers and finger in the same season beating the **** out of George McOaf for destroying my NHL career. (That part wasn’t included in the news for some reason.)
View media item 635I then was for some reason traded to Montreal in a deal where they gave up Max Pacciodetty for me. Hoping a new chapter of my career with the Montreal Canadiens, a team that should care about my development, I was then instead moved up and down from the AHL to the NHL more times than Cory Schneider’s fiancée got passed around.

The next season with Montreal, I continued to play Right Wing which is where I was told would be the best place for a 6’8 250 behemoth to play. I started with a blistering pace and went almost Point per Game with 36 points in 42 games until I was SENT DOWN AGAIN halfway through the season. In the send -down call Marc Bergevin told me the reason was that I wasn’t really a winger!

I almost quit, then and there. I had a long sit down and reflected the last 7 years of mishandling care and awful management. After a long think, I decided to stick around and give one last shot at being an NHL star with the LA Kings lead by Willie Desjardins.

After half a season of healthy scratches thanks to this blundering bafoon, I have decided to retire from this horrible league. The morons they have running these teams could be replaced by 5 year olds from Russian nurseries and no one would know the difference. I’d like to thank absolutely no one for doing absolutely nothing in my life to help me because everything that happened ruined me and everyone should be ashamed of themselves. To the other players in this bull**** ridden league; get the **** our whole you can.

————————————————————

BREAKING NEWS:

Nikita Tryamkin has left the NHL to sign in the KHL with Avtomobilist Yekaterinburg in a 3 year deal worth 9.5M per season. He had publicly announced that he will never return to the North American League ever again followed by a bunch of Russian swear words that we aren’t allowed to say.​

 

[Weylspin]

My computer is finally replaced and we can get this season back on track, as always the stats are posted here
We have our first retiree as N. Tryamkicetime has moved back to Russia.

 

[Weylspin]

signs S. Ballsdeep to a 6 year 10.760M AAV contract

sign P. Padds to a 6 year 11.150M AAV contract

sign C. McGregor to a 6 year 8.765M AAV contract

sign T. Rick to a 3 year 4.290M AAV contract

sign L. Ball to a 6 year 13.070M AAV contract

 

[teravaineSAROS]

Gretzky Jr has had a decent start to his career, but with no more Ovechkin in Washington, might need to look at Free Agency when his contract is up

McGregor adresses rumours of Gretzky Jr potential future signing with Dallas Stars:

 

[Nugget910]

Is this just done lol.