Le Barron de HF
Justin make me proud
Previously on HFBoards...
The first QPQ Champion was crowned after six matches were held to distribute the six Infinity Gems that granted entry to the main event.
The contest for the Space Stone saw Terrible Ted, a wrestling bear with supernatural powers from eating an ancient Aztec God (see episode #2: QPQ Has a Bear vs. Aztec God Hell in a Cell Match), become imprisoned on Mars after he was too fat to escape the door of the Steel Cage.
While Rey Mysterio, officially the new King of Mars alongside the Martian Queen Torrie Wilson, stayed behind to ensure Terrible Ted could never escape, his tag team partner Trish Stratus took the Space Stone back to Earth, only to come up short in the QPQ Championship match after it came down to a final three of Stratus, the Power Stone holder Cheerleader Melissa, and the Soul Stone keeper and eventual winner - the villainous Sexy Star.
After combining the Infinity Gems and snapping her evil fingers, Sexy Star created a future in which half of the world's wrestlers - including Cheerleader Melissa and Time Stone recipient Fenix - have been turned into monstrous versions of themselves.
Bret Hart has recruited a team of Avengers who are determined to undo The Snap. But with infighting from former enemies now working together and Reality Stone representative El Santo still feeling guilty from not having "gone for the head", can the Avengers succeed in their quest?
quoipourquoi's Days of Hockey's Future Past
July 29th, 2021... and July 14th, 2018
Opening in 4,726 Theaters
English Narrator: Bryan Alvarez
French Narrator: Maryse Ouellet
THE INFINITY GAUNTLET HEIST
1. Recruit a team of the top wrestlers to survive The Snap
AVENGERS TRY-OUTS
15-Minute Iron Man Match
"Canadian Ninjas" Nicole Matthews & Portia Perez
vs.
David Arquette & RJ City
2. Fend off attacks from the ghosts of wrestlers who were dusted
Fenix vs. Madison Eagles
3. Don't get eaten by the giant panda that wanders these wastelands
THE DEATH OF EL SANTO
Last Man Standing Match
Andreza Giant Panda vs. El Santo
4. Rescue the time-traveling wrestler Aero Star from an evil butterfly cheerleader
MOTH AGAINST MOTH
Hell in a Cell Match
Mariposa vs. Session Moth Martina
5. Earn voyage on a rocket to Mars
Britannica vs. Veda Scott
6. Liberate Terrible Ted
Bret Hart vs. Rey Mysterio w/ Torrie Wilson
7. Have Aero Star send Terrible Ted back in time to steal the Infinity Gauntlet
HUNNY IN THE BANK
Ladder Match
Pentagon Jr. vs. Terrible Ted w/ Aero Star
8. Bring back those we lost to The Snap and defeat Sexy Star
QPQ CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Cheerleader Melissa
vs.
Sexy Star
vs.
Trish Stratus
vs
HandsomeHollywood's card
ECW March Into Hell
Location: Madison Square Garden
Attendance: 20,000
Play by Play: Joey Styles
***DISCLAIMER: ECW Champion Daniel Bryan does not endorse ECW and owner Paul Heyman’s decision to go ahead with MARCH INTO HELL, despite the champion’s petition to cancel the event.
Tag Team Match
The Pitbulls vs Jamie Noble & Kid Kash
Singles Match
PAC vs Dean Malenko
ECW Television Championship
Singles Match
Dynamite Kid (c) vs Minoru Suzuki
ECW Tag Team Championship
Hardcore Match
“The Gangstas” New Jack & Mustafa Saed (c) (with Theodore Long) vs
“LAX” Homicide & Hernandez (with Konan)
If Sandman wins, he gets to cane Lawler
Singles Match
The Sandman vs “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher (with Jerry Lawler)
Health & Wellness vs ECW
6-Man Tag Team Match
Kevin Nash, Stevie Richards & Eugene Bischoff (with Nurse Tammy Sytch) vs
Tommy Dreamer, Yoshihiro Tajiri, & Masato Tanaka (with The Blue Meanie)
Number One Contendership
Singles Match
Chris Benoit vs WALTER
ECW World Championship
Hardcore Match
Daniel Bryan (c) vs Rob Van Dam (with Bill Alfonso)
The first QPQ Champion was crowned after six matches were held to distribute the six Infinity Gems that granted entry to the main event.
The contest for the Space Stone saw Terrible Ted, a wrestling bear with supernatural powers from eating an ancient Aztec God (see episode #2: QPQ Has a Bear vs. Aztec God Hell in a Cell Match), become imprisoned on Mars after he was too fat to escape the door of the Steel Cage.
While Rey Mysterio, officially the new King of Mars alongside the Martian Queen Torrie Wilson, stayed behind to ensure Terrible Ted could never escape, his tag team partner Trish Stratus took the Space Stone back to Earth, only to come up short in the QPQ Championship match after it came down to a final three of Stratus, the Power Stone holder Cheerleader Melissa, and the Soul Stone keeper and eventual winner - the villainous Sexy Star.
After combining the Infinity Gems and snapping her evil fingers, Sexy Star created a future in which half of the world's wrestlers - including Cheerleader Melissa and Time Stone recipient Fenix - have been turned into monstrous versions of themselves.
Bret Hart has recruited a team of Avengers who are determined to undo The Snap. But with infighting from former enemies now working together and Reality Stone representative El Santo still feeling guilty from not having "gone for the head", can the Avengers succeed in their quest?
quoipourquoi's Days of Hockey's Future Past
July 29th, 2021... and July 14th, 2018
Opening in 4,726 Theaters
English Narrator: Bryan Alvarez
French Narrator: Maryse Ouellet
THE INFINITY GAUNTLET HEIST
AVENGERS TRY-OUTS
15-Minute Iron Man Match
"Canadian Ninjas" Nicole Matthews & Portia Perez
vs.
David Arquette & RJ City
Fenix vs. Madison Eagles
THE DEATH OF EL SANTO
Last Man Standing Match
Andreza Giant Panda vs. El Santo
MOTH AGAINST MOTH
Hell in a Cell Match
Mariposa vs. Session Moth Martina
Britannica vs. Veda Scott
Bret Hart vs. Rey Mysterio w/ Torrie Wilson
HUNNY IN THE BANK
Ladder Match
Pentagon Jr. vs. Terrible Ted w/ Aero Star
QPQ CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Cheerleader Melissa
vs.
Sexy Star
vs.
Trish Stratus
vs
HandsomeHollywood's card
ECW March Into Hell
Location: Madison Square Garden
Attendance: 20,000
Play by Play: Joey Styles
***DISCLAIMER: ECW Champion Daniel Bryan does not endorse ECW and owner Paul Heyman’s decision to go ahead with MARCH INTO HELL, despite the champion’s petition to cancel the event.
Tag Team Match
The Pitbulls vs Jamie Noble & Kid Kash
For weeks on ECW TV Noble and Kash have been tasked with forced “reparations” to atone for their liberal use of The Pitbulls name and gimmick while in WWE. Noble and Kash had been forced to clean up The Pitbulls’ hotel rooms, be The Pitbulls’ gym spotters, fetch the Pitbulls water and even prepare meals for The Pitbulls. Finally, Noble and Kash had had enough from the veterans and challenged them to this match. If Noble and Kash win, the matter is settled and they’re free from their servitude. If the Pitbulls win, Noble and Kash will be forced to sign new contracts, putting them at the service of the Pitbulls for the duration of their time in ECW.
The match begins furiously. Both teams are trying to end the match quick, electing to do incredibly brutal moves to each other. Eventually, The original Pitbulls resort to the use of steel chairs and weapons to punish Noble and Kash, rendering the match a no contest. All 4 men brawl, with both Noble and Kash, as well as Pitbull #2 become bloody messes. All the while the ECW fans chant “bull****”.
Winner: No contest
During the post-decision brawl between the two teams, Daniel Bryan’s music hits (the original Cry of the Valkyrie). From behind the curtain comes ECW Champion Daniel Bryan, with his doctors in tow, Dr. Kevin Nash and Dr. Stevie, as well as Nurse Tammy Sytch and his student Eugene Bischoff enter the ring. Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie make short work of all four men, who have been beaten badly. Nash and Stevie hold each of the four competitors in place for Bryan to deliver flying knees left and right. Crowd begins to boo.
Daniel Bryan: “This is what needs to end! Hardcore wrestling needs to die. The mentality of ECW and you people need to change! Here you have four men killing each other for your amusement! And do you appreciate any of it? No! All you can do is boo and chant bull**** at people trying to do their jobs. Tonight, you will be in for a treat though. Tonight I defend my ECW Championship against Mr. Complacent himself, Rob Van Dam. Tell them Dr. Nash.”
Kevin Nash: “ECW nobodies! Listen up! Tonight, we got Tommy, Tahiti and who is it? Tatanka? Whatever your names are. If you really want to face me, Dr. Stevie and Eugene tonight, you’re going to have to sweeten the pot. We here at Health & Wellness, fully endorse Daniel Bryan’s stipulation idea. If you guys manage to beat us, then we will allow the ban on Rob Van Dam’s Van Daminator to be lifted. As well as the Van Terminator. Mr. Bryan is so confident in us that he’ll even agree to make the match a Hardcore match.
Dr. Stevie: “HOWEVER, if we win, then Mr. Bryan CORDIALLY INVITES Mr. Van Dam tonight to challenge him for his ECW Championship…in a theological debate on the merits of extreme violence in professional wrestling! And if Bryan’s going to play by your rules later, then you’ll have to play by OURS. This is a straight tag match, with DQs. A WRESTLING match!”
Nurse Tammy: “And Blue Meanie. I love you so much honey. I got your letter and I love you too. I can’t wait to see you and your beautiful body tonight, baby.”
Crowd: “**** YOU, BRYAN!” clap clap clapclapclap
The match begins furiously. Both teams are trying to end the match quick, electing to do incredibly brutal moves to each other. Eventually, The original Pitbulls resort to the use of steel chairs and weapons to punish Noble and Kash, rendering the match a no contest. All 4 men brawl, with both Noble and Kash, as well as Pitbull #2 become bloody messes. All the while the ECW fans chant “bull****”.
Winner: No contest
During the post-decision brawl between the two teams, Daniel Bryan’s music hits (the original Cry of the Valkyrie). From behind the curtain comes ECW Champion Daniel Bryan, with his doctors in tow, Dr. Kevin Nash and Dr. Stevie, as well as Nurse Tammy Sytch and his student Eugene Bischoff enter the ring. Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie make short work of all four men, who have been beaten badly. Nash and Stevie hold each of the four competitors in place for Bryan to deliver flying knees left and right. Crowd begins to boo.
Daniel Bryan: “This is what needs to end! Hardcore wrestling needs to die. The mentality of ECW and you people need to change! Here you have four men killing each other for your amusement! And do you appreciate any of it? No! All you can do is boo and chant bull**** at people trying to do their jobs. Tonight, you will be in for a treat though. Tonight I defend my ECW Championship against Mr. Complacent himself, Rob Van Dam. Tell them Dr. Nash.”
Kevin Nash: “ECW nobodies! Listen up! Tonight, we got Tommy, Tahiti and who is it? Tatanka? Whatever your names are. If you really want to face me, Dr. Stevie and Eugene tonight, you’re going to have to sweeten the pot. We here at Health & Wellness, fully endorse Daniel Bryan’s stipulation idea. If you guys manage to beat us, then we will allow the ban on Rob Van Dam’s Van Daminator to be lifted. As well as the Van Terminator. Mr. Bryan is so confident in us that he’ll even agree to make the match a Hardcore match.
Dr. Stevie: “HOWEVER, if we win, then Mr. Bryan CORDIALLY INVITES Mr. Van Dam tonight to challenge him for his ECW Championship…in a theological debate on the merits of extreme violence in professional wrestling! And if Bryan’s going to play by your rules later, then you’ll have to play by OURS. This is a straight tag match, with DQs. A WRESTLING match!”
Nurse Tammy: “And Blue Meanie. I love you so much honey. I got your letter and I love you too. I can’t wait to see you and your beautiful body tonight, baby.”
Crowd: “**** YOU, BRYAN!” clap clap clapclapclap
Singles Match
PAC vs Dean Malenko
The Iceman Dean Malenko had previously bested PAC in nearly short order twice on ECW TV. PAC has become obsessed with wanting to defeat Malenko, and to instill some respect in him for his high-flying style. Malenko has been accepting every challenge from PAC with confidence. Insisting that he has no problem with giving additional classes while taking PAC to school. Malenko believes he has the upper-hand in skill and possesses the psychological edge. The Iceman says PAC needs him more than he needs PAC, and with serious potential for Television Championship aspirations on the line, PAC is determined to prove that he doesn’t need anyone.
Winner: PAC finally slays his dragon in Dean Malenko.
Winner: PAC finally slays his dragon in Dean Malenko.
ECW Television Championship
Singles Match
Dynamite Kid (c) vs Minoru Suzuki
Dynamite Kid has been lighting the wrestling world on fire with repeated excellent performances defending the ECW Television Championship against all-comers for the past 360 days. Putting on classics with the likes of Rob Van Dam, Chris Benoit, and Tajiri during this time.
Minoru Suzuki has come to ECW to challenge Dynamite Kid for his championship. Suzuki wants to crush the legend of the great Dynamite Kid. He has been playing games with Dynamite, calling him “Daisy” and sneak attacking him. On ECW Dynamite Kid told Suzuki to “come take your best shot, ya ****e. At March Into Hell, put up, or fook off.”
Winner: Dynamite Kid retains.
Minoru Suzuki has come to ECW to challenge Dynamite Kid for his championship. Suzuki wants to crush the legend of the great Dynamite Kid. He has been playing games with Dynamite, calling him “Daisy” and sneak attacking him. On ECW Dynamite Kid told Suzuki to “come take your best shot, ya ****e. At March Into Hell, put up, or fook off.”
Winner: Dynamite Kid retains.
ECW Tag Team Championship
Hardcore Match
“The Gangstas” New Jack & Mustafa Saed (c) (with Theodore Long) vs
“LAX” Homicide & Hernandez (with Konan)
The Gangstas have reigned supreme over ECW tag team wrestling for quite some time now. Ever since they hired Theodore Long to refocus their priorities, and have them training to wrestle as well as to brawl in order to adapt to any opponent has served them well. Long has taught them to fight the White power with their biggest fears; be educated. Be smart. Opening a whole new path of racially charged controversy like never before.
The debuting LAX have been hot on the heels of The Gangstas, stating they will bring The Gangstas back to their roots to whip them. Homicide has been calling New Jack “soft”, which has proven to be an effective way to get under New Jack’s skin and derail the new, more serious Gangstas. This is a straight turf war between two gangs that is going to be anything but pretty. Konan and Long are sure to get involved as well, no doubt.
Winners: LAX win the ECW Tag Team Championship in a violent, bloody war.
The debuting LAX have been hot on the heels of The Gangstas, stating they will bring The Gangstas back to their roots to whip them. Homicide has been calling New Jack “soft”, which has proven to be an effective way to get under New Jack’s skin and derail the new, more serious Gangstas. This is a straight turf war between two gangs that is going to be anything but pretty. Konan and Long are sure to get involved as well, no doubt.
Winners: LAX win the ECW Tag Team Championship in a violent, bloody war.
If Sandman wins, he gets to cane Lawler
Singles Match
The Sandman vs “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher (with Jerry Lawler)
Jerry Lawler is disgusted that ECW has managed to stain the hallowed ground of Madison Square Garden, and is not going to take it lying down. The Sandman was beaten bloody and left laying in the parking lot during a taping of ECW TV. Sandman was taken to the hospital. Lawler has since been helping his son climb the ranks and hopefully out of the undercard, to destroy ECW from the inside.
Sandman has returned, caning Too Sexy throughout an entire arena for one episode of ECW TV, when Lawler ran away and left his son to take the caning. The match was set by Paul Heyman. If Lawler wants it so bad, if he wins Brian Christopher will receive a full-time, big money contract to ECW. If Sandman wins, Lawler will be caned in the ring for 5 minutes.
Winner: The Sandman
After the match, when Sandman is ready to take his revenge by whipping Lawler’s ass into the canvas, The FBI storm the ring. It turns out that Lawler paid Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke and Sal E Graziano to protect him from the caning if things go wrong. Lawler is able to escape by the skin of his teeth, but all 3 members of the FBI are treated to Sandman’s fury with his cane.
Sandman leaves for the back, through the crowd to his entrance music, with a lot of beer.
Sandman has returned, caning Too Sexy throughout an entire arena for one episode of ECW TV, when Lawler ran away and left his son to take the caning. The match was set by Paul Heyman. If Lawler wants it so bad, if he wins Brian Christopher will receive a full-time, big money contract to ECW. If Sandman wins, Lawler will be caned in the ring for 5 minutes.
Winner: The Sandman
After the match, when Sandman is ready to take his revenge by whipping Lawler’s ass into the canvas, The FBI storm the ring. It turns out that Lawler paid Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke and Sal E Graziano to protect him from the caning if things go wrong. Lawler is able to escape by the skin of his teeth, but all 3 members of the FBI are treated to Sandman’s fury with his cane.
Sandman leaves for the back, through the crowd to his entrance music, with a lot of beer.
Health & Wellness vs ECW
6-Man Tag Team Match
Kevin Nash, Stevie Richards & Eugene Bischoff (with Nurse Tammy Sytch) vs
Tommy Dreamer, Yoshihiro Tajiri, & Masato Tanaka (with The Blue Meanie)
If Health & Wellness wins, Daniel Bryan’s match with Rob Van Dam is changed to a theological debate. If ECW wins, their match becomes a hardcore match, and the doctor’s notes from Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie banning the use of the Van Daminator will be null and void.
Lots of shenanigans and gaga in this match. Bryan hired Tammy Sytch to be his nurse upon his arrival in ECW, where he’s also saved Eugene Bischoff by giving him proper therapy and treatment for his illnesses and injuries. Health & Wellness has been on a mission to change ECW into a more sportsman like competition, with full gear and a rounds system in order to preserve the health of Daniel Brya- I mean, the other wrestlers.
Nurse Tammy has been exploiting Blue Meanie’s obvious attraction to her. She believes this will give Health & Wellness the advantage they need. It backfires however, and she finds herself on the receiving end of a disgusting Blue Meanie kiss.
Winners: Team ECW defeat Health & Wellness following a distraction on the outside caused by Nurse Tammy and Blue Meanie. Tommy Dreamer pins Nash.
Lots of shenanigans and gaga in this match. Bryan hired Tammy Sytch to be his nurse upon his arrival in ECW, where he’s also saved Eugene Bischoff by giving him proper therapy and treatment for his illnesses and injuries. Health & Wellness has been on a mission to change ECW into a more sportsman like competition, with full gear and a rounds system in order to preserve the health of Daniel Brya- I mean, the other wrestlers.
Nurse Tammy has been exploiting Blue Meanie’s obvious attraction to her. She believes this will give Health & Wellness the advantage they need. It backfires however, and she finds herself on the receiving end of a disgusting Blue Meanie kiss.
Winners: Team ECW defeat Health & Wellness following a distraction on the outside caused by Nurse Tammy and Blue Meanie. Tommy Dreamer pins Nash.
Number One Contendership
Singles Match
Chris Benoit vs WALTER
Chris Benoit has been on a collision course with Daniel Bryan for the better part of the year. Wrestling insiders refer to the match up as “inevitable”. This could explain why Health & Wellness attacked Benoit during his match with Dynamite Kid to cost him the Television Championship. Now there’s another obstacle in Benoit’s way. The red hot Walter looking to make a statement in his bid for the ECW Championship. Will Benoit be able to focus on the task at hand? Or will he still have Health & Wellness’ seemingly random attack on his mind?
Can you say, chopfest? A smash mouth fight full of stiff wrestling. This match would have potential to be the longest of the show, as Benoit fights desperately to defeat the larger and stronger Walter.
Winner: Chris Benoit wins in an upset over the younger Walter.
Can you say, chopfest? A smash mouth fight full of stiff wrestling. This match would have potential to be the longest of the show, as Benoit fights desperately to defeat the larger and stronger Walter.
Winner: Chris Benoit wins in an upset over the younger Walter.
ECW World Championship
Hardcore Match
Daniel Bryan (c) vs Rob Van Dam (with Bill Alfonso)
Daniel Bryan has come to ECW to save wrestling. Bryan has been giving sanctimonious and hypocritical promos on the virtues of true competition and the dangers of extreme violence. Extreme violence that once forced him into retirement. Bryan has formed Health & Wellness, a stable consisting of himself and his medical staff, Dr. Kevin Nash, Dr. Stevie and Nurse Tammy, as well as his protégé Eugene Bischoff. Bryan’s doctors have been frequently writing notes excusing Bryan from having to defend the championship or excusing him from certain matches with those Bryan deem to be dangerous or intellectually bankrupt. Most recently Bryan’s staff had threatened legal action against ECW, owner Paul Heyman and Rob Van Dam over the threatened use of both the Van Daminator and Van Terminator.
Rob Van Dam has been drawing the ire of Daniel Bryan by remaining cool and collected under pressure and under scrutiny by Health & Wellnesss. Being dubbed “Mr. Complacent” by Daniel Bryan, Van Dam has no time for Health & Wellness’ mind games, instead opting to constantly offer Bryan to come fight him. Van Dam has been receiving back up from ECW originals such as Tommy Dreamer, Tajiri, Masato Tanaka, Blue Meanie and Chris Benoit. Rob Van Dam wants Bryan to go home and to stop meddling in things he has nothing to do with, namely ECW.
Now with the stage set, and the added stipulation of the match being under classic ECW extreme rules, who will walk out as the ECW World Champion from ECW MARCH INTO HELL.
Winner: In a twist ending, ECW owner Paul Heyman would come out to even the odds for Rob Van Dam, only to turn on RVD and Fonsie to give the victory to Bryan, counting the 3 count himself. Heyman is not scared of Daniel Bryan and Health & Wellness’ legal threats, but he is scared of the Daniel Bryan gravy train stopping. So much so that Heyman has sold out his own title and company at their biggest show, with the hopes of further big shows with Daniel Bryan lighting up the marquee.
Following the match, an irate Chris Benoit marches to the ring to confront Daniel Bryan. Benoit single handedly takes out the rest of Health & Wellness plus Heyman, and the show ends with Benoit and Bryan having a stare down.
Rob Van Dam has been drawing the ire of Daniel Bryan by remaining cool and collected under pressure and under scrutiny by Health & Wellnesss. Being dubbed “Mr. Complacent” by Daniel Bryan, Van Dam has no time for Health & Wellness’ mind games, instead opting to constantly offer Bryan to come fight him. Van Dam has been receiving back up from ECW originals such as Tommy Dreamer, Tajiri, Masato Tanaka, Blue Meanie and Chris Benoit. Rob Van Dam wants Bryan to go home and to stop meddling in things he has nothing to do with, namely ECW.
Now with the stage set, and the added stipulation of the match being under classic ECW extreme rules, who will walk out as the ECW World Champion from ECW MARCH INTO HELL.
Winner: In a twist ending, ECW owner Paul Heyman would come out to even the odds for Rob Van Dam, only to turn on RVD and Fonsie to give the victory to Bryan, counting the 3 count himself. Heyman is not scared of Daniel Bryan and Health & Wellness’ legal threats, but he is scared of the Daniel Bryan gravy train stopping. So much so that Heyman has sold out his own title and company at their biggest show, with the hopes of further big shows with Daniel Bryan lighting up the marquee.
Following the match, an irate Chris Benoit marches to the ring to confront Daniel Bryan. Benoit single handedly takes out the rest of Health & Wellness plus Heyman, and the show ends with Benoit and Bryan having a stare down.
